Batman: Defender of Gotham, Year Four
by Gimili101
Summary: AU. Sequel to my original fic, Batman: Defender of Gotham. Since that original took place two years into Batman's career, this is year four, not year two.
1. The Malevolent Seven, Part I

Note: once again, this is a sequel to the original Batman, Defender of Gotham. There will be references to the events in that fanfic. You can check out my profile above for that.

**Bruce's perspective:**

Most people spend their coffee breaks drinking coffee and maybe playing a game on their phone. Bruce Wayne preferred to check the Internet for any big crimes. What he discovered this day was that the day after the long trial of Ozwald Cobblepot, alias The Penguin, ended in a 9-3 hung jury, the DA's Office had dropped the case. Bruce pounded his desk.

As this case involved a shifty suit named Gabriel Boile cheating The Penguin out of his rightful ownership of a corporation known as The Cobbling Needle, many critics of corporate power immediately took Penguin's side. The fact that Boile had been since been murdered by one of his former victims did not help quash the fantasy that Penguin's killing spree had been fabricated.

True, there were others who saw Boile's death as a testament to the dangers of class envy, but there is no winning public division in a system of unanimous verdicts. On the contrary, in this politically toxic cases, a mistrial can be as good as an acquittal. The Penguin was free.

The Batman would have to keep an eye on the big bird.

**Batman's perspective:**

"I don't like this," repeated Robin once again.

"The fifth time is not the charm," Batman overruled his sidekick once again. "There's nothing we can do about The Penguin for now. Wrong or wrong, all his crimes have been ignored. We can't do anything about him right now. But we've located one of The Hog's illicit gun stores. That we can do something about."

They drove to the block where the store owned by Becky "The Hog" Traylor was. Both Batman and Robin jumped through a window. The badly-behaving guests from the South tried to defend themselves, but the element of surprise was hard to counter. Also, they had to defend themselves too quickly to organize well enough to take good shots without risking hitting a member of the crew. The need to not hit anyone but opponents was a "weakness" that the Dynamic Duo shared with these criminals, but for now, only the gangsters were affected by it. Batman and Robin were outnumbered eleven-to-one yet because of the advantages of surprise and spontaneity, Bruce's paperwork had been more difficult.

"Heavens to Betsy," Robin made an awful attempt at a Southern accent, "That was easy!" Batman had just about gotten used to Robin's humor. "How 'bout once we get the varmints outta hare, we make fireworks to show that no one poops in our neck o' the woods?"

"That better be a joke," Batman said, realizing otherwise. He was not pleased.

"What's the problem?" asked Robin in his real voice.

"Listen and listen well," demanded Batman, "We don't blow places up. Too much danger that an innocent passerby just outside could get hurt. Not to mention the possibility of environmental damage. I thought after so many months of this, you'd learn, but you're still acting like a total greenhorn."

"Greenhorn?" noted Robin. "At least you're keeping with the rural feel of this bust."

**The Hog's perspective:**

There could not have been a worse time for the two hundred fifty pound matriarch of the Traylor crime family known as The Hog to be in the monthly meeting of mob union bosses of Gotham City. The Hog had a feeling that she was going to be blamed for the damage The Batman and Robin were doing to the unions. It didn't help that among city slickers, a country girl like The Hog was an easy target. One of her stores having been hit the night before might be all the excuse needed for the other bosses to move on her territory.

The first words, as usual, were uttered by the black, headshaven, goateed Chairman of the unions, Gasper Whittaker. "I've got bad news for us all," he lamented. "Our smuggling average is down eight percent over the past year; extortion is down thirteen percent; sales of illicit goods are down nineteen percent; and theft is down a whopping thirty-two percent! It's no use pretending, brothers and sister: we're in a trouble. Trouble spelled The Batman."

"And he ain't alone," said Frankie Zucco, the new leader of Gotham's biggest Italian mob, what with Tony doing life. "He's got at least two helpers, and I hear there's one more who just started called The Huntress."

Gasper looked at The Hog. "So what are you doing about this, Hog?" he demanded.

"All Ah can."

"That's all you have to say?"

"What more is there?"

"You can start by confirming that the reason The Bat is alive isn't because you're sweet on him," said Riko Dimiquen, a Russian boss. After The Hog looked at Riko, he said, "I think he's hit your sweet spot too hard for you to whack him. You people are just too soft to make good gangsters."

The Hog's anger rose, but knowing she had no support in a room of city boys, she smiled and said sweetly, "Ah don't mind bein' underestimated 'cause Ah ain't from around here. Gives me an advantage."

"This ain't a North vs. South thing," Riko assured The Hog. "Or city vs. country or immigrant vs. third generation American. Girls are too soft to lead groups of alpha males. I think you've could've killed The Bat months ago, but you have a schoolgirl's crush and can't do it."

The Hog flinched upon hearing that. She was up against worse prejudice than she imagined. Not that he was wrong about The Hog having a crush, but he was blowing it out of proportion... wasn't he?

Still smiling, she got out of her chair and walked over to Riko, who wasn't showing any sign of intimidation. He got up and stared The Hog down. "Try not to kill each other," suggested Gasper. The Hog barely heard him, and the same seemed true of Riko.

"Don't screw with me, inbred bitch," threatened Riko. "I'd rather not hurt a lady."

"Don't worry," promised The Hog. "You won't." Rico's answer to that was a right cross that didn't even wipe the smile off The Hog's face.

"Ah knew it," said The Hog. "Just another 'macho' city boy who don't know what macho is. Lemme show you." With that, she belted Rico in the gut. He clutched it in pain, then fell to one knee.

"Poor thing," The Hog mocked. "Since Ah'm so 'soft,' Ah'll hug you and make it better." With that, She put Rico in a bear hug that she called The Hug. Riko screamed in pain as his already sore stomach was getting squashed!

"Enough," commanded Gasper. "He's gotten the point, Hog. Let 'im go." The Hog released the hold and placed Riko back in his chair. Disrespect for The Hog had turned into embarrassment and fear. _Better than buttered grits!_

"Here's the deal," said Gasper to The Hog. "You'll clean up our little bat infestation within the next two weeks. Whether you do 'im or coerce him into working for you, everyone else at this table will owe you an apology. Fair enough?"

_Not really, but what am Ah gonna do? Start a war? There's eleven other bosses at this table. Not to mention that Gasper has a Hell of a lot more pull with the smaller gangs than me. We'd be outnumbered fifty to one. _"Yes, sir."

After three hours of boring accounting talk, The Hog called another meeting to be waiting for her back at her restaurant, Country Buffet.

"So their rules of the road," The Hog finally finished explaining the situation, "Are get Batman or else. Any ideas?"

"None of 'em would last five minutes if Batman knew who they were," Joey Traylor, 21-year-old nephew of The Hog, complained.

"Ah know that, you know that," said Joey's father, Al, "But seein' is believin'."

"Becky's had success in fightin' him," recalled Daisy Thompson, a cousin of The Hog. "Why not just trap and put 'im down?"

"If only it were that simple," sighed The Hog. "Other than those costumed nuts, if anything happens to Little Bat, Ah'm the top suspect. And those crazy sumbitches are such prima donnas that they'd leave clues on purpose! Gettin' too much attention from the cops is what did in the Western cowboys, Italian gamblers, and black drug dealers. Ah ain't makin' that mistake."

"This wouldn't be 'cause you're attracted to 'im and can't bear to do him in, would it?" asked Joey. The Hog placed her right arm on the table in an arm wrestling position. "No thanks," said Joey.

"Good decision, sonny boy," Al reprimanded his boy. "Guess we gotta kill the sumbitch without nobody thinkin' we did it. Easier said than done." The Hog nodded.

"What if one of those nuts The Hog mentioned did it?" asked Yuji Takahan, a family friend of the Traylors.

"Easy answer," said The Hog. "The cops would be after that guy."

"That's it," Yuji snapped his fingers. "If he's killed by an Arkham inmate, everybody will point the finger at him, and we won't be suspected of anything."

"They've failed so far," said The Hog.

"But Batman couldn't possibly handle them all," reasoned Yuji.

"That's a stupid idea," said Al. "Ah couldn't possibly control them all," The Hog agreed.

"How about just some of the big ones?" asked Yuji "Their mutual loathing of Batman should keep them in line for awhile."

The Hog smiled. "Excellent idea," she praised Yuji. "Yeah, he'd never handle several of them."

Al was skeptical. "Tech nerds never understand _people_," he sneered, much to the displeasure of Yuji. "These assholes ain't like us. They're crazy. They can be beamin' at you with their lips one second and with their guns the next."

"We'll be careful," said The Hog. This is smart thinkin', Yuji. Here's all those Ah want: The Joker, Poison Ivy, Riddler, Harley Quinn, Scarecrow, and Killer Croc."

"How're we gonna get all those people out?" asked Joey.

The Hog thought. "Ah know of someone who might be able to help," suggested The Hog. "He's just been released from jail. The Penguin. Ah'll make the offer myself. You're with me, big brother."

"Absolutely," said Al. He clearly still disagreed with this decision, but knew that it wasn't his to make.

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman and Robin had tied up a pair of burglars for the police. "Well," said Robin, "Things are going swell. We struck a blow to the Traylors, there's no indication The Penguin isn't going straight yet, and nobody's gotten out of Arkham for months."

"Yeah," Batman said cautiously. "But things never stay quiet in Gotham for long. I've got a sinking feeling that something big's about to go down!"

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog and Al entered 3 Musketeers, a luxurious restaurant. "One of them elitist yankees?" asked Al.

"Yup, that's him." explained The Hog. "He was born with everything he ever wanted. Lost some of it when his company got rid of him, though. There he is." She pointed at a table with a bench. The Penguin was with an attractive date. The Hog and Al walked over to them.

"May we sit?" asked The Hog. "You can talk standing up," refused Penguin.

"You really know how to bag your targets," said Al, motioning to The Penguin's date.

"Wealth and fame are the ultimate girl-nip," explained Penguin. "And he's nice to me, too," added the date.

"Ah have a proposition for you," whispered The Hog.

"I'm not into fat ladies," said Penguin. "No offense to the overweight. I can refer you to some males I know who want something different."

"Ah want that confidence of yours for somethin' else," chuckled The Hog, though she continued to speak quietly. "Listen, feathered friend. How would you like to get even with The Batman."

"Yes, I've heard that like so many ladies, you are infatuated with him," whispered The Penguin. Before The Hog could object, The Penguin added, "That's fine. I've love to pay him back for taking away a year of my life and placing him in your loving grip is the best revenge I can think of. No offense."

"No offense my ass," said Al. "You ain't exactly a the sexiest man alive your..."

"Ah'll let you know when to slap 'im down," The Hog called Al off. "First, Ah want you to let some other gimmicky hoods outta Arkham Asylum."

The Penguin frowned. "Who do I look like? General Zod?"

"Ah got all the stuff you need. Some of it's... 'gifts' from Lex Luthor. And you know how to train birds, right?"

Penguin nodded.

"Good. Ah'll get you some that _look _harmless. A little medicine and druggin' and you'll be able to ambush unsuspectin' guards with it."

"You've got yourself a deal, chubby," said The Penguin. The Hog held out her hand. The Penguin kissed it. "Hey," said his date. "Jealous?" Penguin asked. "Good."

**The Penguin's perspective:**

The Penguin had been oversleeping since getting out of jail. His newfound fame and controversy had enabled him to support himself by cashing in on his celebrity, so he didn't have a job. But he was early to bed, early to rise the next morning.

He watched the recording made by the bug-sized robot of the Traylors that scouted Arkham the previous night. "Got everything you need, Oz?" asked Joey.

"More than enough," said The Penguin.

He went to Arkham as a tourist, four pigeons concealed in his tuxedo. He entered one hall and let the rest of the tour go ahead. Penguin released the pigeons and declared, "Strike!" The four birds flew at the two guards in the room and began pecking with drug-tipped beaks. Three seconds after the attack began, the guards were unconscious.

_No time to waste! I'm on candid camera. _Penguin took one of their keycards out and opened The Riddler's cell. "A good gesture from one out of shape archcriminal to another," smiled The Penguin.

"Now you can put your sense of humor to good use."

"I'm scaring you up a way out."

"I bring you the man of your... hugging him already. As much as I hate to rain on this tender moment, we have to hurry."

"Hello, green damsel in distress. Your knight in shining armor has come."

"Now I know what this blow torch is for." The Penguin used the blow torch to cut manacles off the super strong Killer Croc.

"Out," said a guard outside the cell. "Now."

Harley Quinn looked through the door window. "Four," she said.

"I'll handle this," promised Croc, squatting and pressing his hands against the ground. After everyone cleared a path for him, Croc charged through the door. He knocked out three guards, then broke the neck of the last!

"Was breaking his neck necessary?" asked Penguin as they ran to the room called Patients' Property Locker. Except The Penguin. Since his misshapen body made him a very slow runner, Croc had to carry him.

"Well, I approve," The Joker laughed

Once they entered Patients' Property Locker, the inmates freed by Penguin began suiting up and seizing their accessories. As The Penguin expected, more than a dozen guards were deployed to stop them. But this time, the villains had the means to fight back.

The Scarecrow jump kicked the door window to break it. "Hold your breath and cover your noses," he instructed as he took his tank of Fear Gas and sprayed it through the window. Horrified screaming could be heard on the other side of the door.

"Now that's my kind of men," said Ivy as she and her fellow criminals charged towards the entrance of Arkham Asylum. "Present company excepted."

"Speak for yourself," said Harley. "My man is strong, smart, and I love him for it!"

"You can add crude to that list," said The Riddler.

"Don't you have your own ladies, skinny?" asked The Joker. "Though I have a feeling they're going to feel very sad tomorrow."

"Enough arguing," said The Penguin. "We're together in this." _Hog, in trying to recruit all these mental cases, I sure hope you know what the Hell you're doing._

With the guard population of Arkham decimated, the seven archcriminals had no trouble getting outside Trouble was that was a good ways to Gotham, and the GCPD had to be on its way.

They were running on the grasslands outside Arkham itself. "Where are we going?" asked Ivy.

"I've got rides waiting for us," explained The Penguin.

"What has a sense of direction but no plan?" asked The Riddler. "A lemming."

"I trust the source," reassured Penguin, "But if they don't make it, we have the equipment to ma... there!"

The cars finally became visible in the distance. Before long, all seven desperadoes were being driven away.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The hardest part was about to begin. The Hog had to get six (excluding The Penguin who was perfectly sane, if a tad arrogant) psychopaths to co-exist and cooperate. Al had insisted that he be a part of this. As he put it, "Somebody with a blade of grass' worth of sense has gotta help you here, sis."

The seven archcriminals finally arrived at the cabin just out of Gotham City. "Leave us," The Hog said to Joey and Daisy. "Good luck," they both said.

The Hog beamed at her guests. "Welcome Joker, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Riddler, Harley Quinn, Scarecrow, Killer Croc," she greeted those very people. "Ah'm Becky 'The Hog' Traylor. This is my big brother Al. We are partly responsible for your 'release.'"

"What is both free and not free?" asked The Riddler.

"Freedom?" guessed The Hog. Riddler nodded. "It's got the word 'free' in it but ain't free. People pay for it in blood. Ah get what your sayin'. Worry not. We ain't got no beef with you. We want what you want: The Batman."

"And what if I decided that I want nobody but my Harley to share credit with me?" asked The Joker.

"What if I wanted no one who doesn't know how to handle the all-powerful element of fear?" asked The Scarecrow.

"I'm a recluse myself," Poison Ivy explained herself. "Too few people are serious about saving the planet."

"That's right," taunted Al. "Walk away and forget that Bats busted you all at least once before. When you can't take him without help, we ain't bustin' you out again."

"If you follow the news," insisted The Joker "I was making him the greatest show on Earth before that star-struck kitty interfered!"

"Yankees and their excuses," snorted Al.

Before this got out of hand, The Hog decided to be more civil about it. "Ever hear of the War Between the States. You might better know it as the American Civil War. We were kickin' your asses until you managed to cut off the supplies we were gettin' from the British. We work together, Little Bat won't stand a chance."

"'Little Bat'?" asked Ivy with a smile. "No accounting for taste."

"Will you cramp our style?" Harley asked sternly.

"We won't get in your way," promised The Hog. "Ah'll make suggestions and Ah do insist that he be taken alive, but other than that, it's your call. As you can see..." she motioned towards a dinner table. "Dinner's ready. Hope you like steak, eggs, and sweet potatoes. Take a seat if you're in." With that, The Hog and Al sat at the back end of the table.

"I'd already agreed to this before I freed you," The Penguin said to the others, then took a seat.

"It would be hilarious to see Batsy dominated by you," laughed The Joker, taking a seat of his own.

"If Mistah J likes this, so do I," Harley sat next to The Joker.

"I'm gettin' him any way I can," said Croc. "This is _the _way, I guess."

"I agree with Croc," concurred Poison Ivy. "Batman's in the way of the salvation of the planet. He must be eliminated by any means necessary."

"This is a truly terrifying unit," cackled The Scarecrow. "With my help, it could be unspeakable!"

"I don't want to be a part of this," said The Riddler, "But if I were to make myself an enemy of this team, I wouldn't be the genius I am. But just so we're clear, I hate rednecks!"

"Haters gonna hate," said The Hog with perverse joy at having manipulated the arrogant Riddler to her dinner table and plan. "You are now The Malevolent Seven!"

"So how'd you get this cabin?" asked Croc.

"Tragic story," The Hog grinned from her ear. "Ah guess the man of the house fell on his face and crashed his ribs through his heart! His wife shot the son, dog, and finally herself. So sad."

**Bret Johanson's perspective:**

As always on the Bear 98 Gotham's nightly news show, Bret Johanson and his co-host Mirian Hale were having a ten-minute segment to debate whether The Batman was a force for good or evil.

"This mass breakout was always a danger," lamented Bret. "I've been warning our fellow Gothamites that Batman did far more harm than good."

"How can you possibly blame this on Batman?" asked Mirian. She seemed incensed.

"Because besides his disregard for the law, the worst thing about Batman is the challenge he issues to those lunatics."

"Overall crime is down since he showed up."

"Maybe... but that looks to change. If I were him, I'd look at this as my worse nightmare coming true!"

"For once, we agree on something Batman-related." Bret and Mirian high fived each other.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The following morning, The Hog, Al, and The Malevolent Seven were putting together their plan.

"I know how to draw him out," said The Joker. "We hit an after-school playground." He laughed out loud at what he had suggested.

The Hog walked up to The Joker and knocked him down with a roundhouse punch. _The Hug won't work; that rose of his squirts acid._ Instead, she stood over a face-down Joker and choked him from behind.

"Understand somethin', clown," said The Hog. "We Traylors don't do this scorched earth she-ut, much less target children. Ah know Ah said Ah'd stay outta your way, but this is a bridge too..." she felt the barrel of a pistol in the back of her head.

"That's _my _man, trailer trash," said Harley. "Let 'im go or your Southern fried brains are gonna be just plain fried."

The Hog heard another gun cock right behind Harley. "Nobody gets to pick on 'er but me," said Al. Harley dropped the gun.

"Like ol' times, big brother," The Hog thanked him. She noticed that the other costumed criminals had been entertained by this confrontation. "Happy to entertain you. Here's what we're gonna do..."

**Batman's perspective:**

Bruce Wayne had a "seizure." Only way to explain to his employees why he wasn't at work that day. Batman needed to be in action. With seven of the world's most dangerous criminals at large, there was no time to waste!

"Calling all cars," Batman heard on his police radio. "The fugitive Killer Croc, is causing trouble in the fourth district of Gotham City." Batman now knew where to go.

He drove to the fourth district. Two policemen lay dead. Four more and a policewoman were merely unconscious. Batman fired one of the Batmobile's gas bombs at Croc, but he dodged. From past experience, he could probably halt the Batmobile with his bare hands without a lot of driving to build speed. That was driving Croc wouldn't give Batman a chance to do. So he got out of the Batmobile and delivered a running jump kick that knocked Croc down but didn't seem to hurt him.

Croc ran in and launched Batman several meters back with a punch. _Can't slug it out. Have to use my gas pellets on..._ Batman log rolled to the side just before a stream of acid would have burned his head.

It was The Joker. "You're working together?" asked Batman. He found it hard to believe that these psychotics could co-exist.

"We're both freaks, aren't we," said Joker. "Then again, you're the grown man who dresses like a bat." If any more archcriminals entered this fight, Batman knew he was in big trouble!

Batman heard a deflected shot fail to penetrate the combined defense of his protective cape and body armor. The Penguin, armed with an umbrella gun. Batman needed to fall back and regroup. Since they certainly weren't letting him back into the Batmobile, he had to retreat on foot.

He was pulling away when he was decked again. Harley Quinn and a baseball bat. "Hey, B-man," said Harley. "Your warrior princess cat ain't here to save you from me an' Mistah J this time, but don't worry, her time will come!" Batman knew that was a trick to provoke him into a hopeless battle. Wasn't going to work. He knew he needed as much of an advantageous battleground as possible to even the odds. Assuming there were no more archcriminals in this alliance, of course.

Batman's heart told him that more were coming. Sure enough, as he kept retreating, he spotted the Riddler with a machine pistol and rolled forward to dodge a shot and Bataranged the gun away. Ordinarily he would have taken Riddler out at that point, but he hadn't the time; The Joker, Croc, Penguin, and Harley were in pursuit.

Batman fled to a back-alley. This was the place to be. They couldn't surround him in this narrow a spot. Soon as they entered, Batman could Batgrapple onto one of the two surrounding rooftops, then rain Batarangs and Batbolas down on his pursuers.

Suddenly, The Scarecrow pounced on Batman from the top of the fence at the end of the alley and sprayed him with his skull-shaped gas dispenser. Batman shoved off Scarecrow, only to back off as he saw three ghosts moving in on him. Batman closed his eyes and concentrated to get the hallucinations out of his head. The good news was that he quickly cured himself of the fear.

The bad news was that this distracted him enough for four mutant vines to bind his limbs and drag him down onto his back. Batman drew a Batarang, but Poison Ivy pinned his right arm down underneath her boot, took away the Batarang and tossed it aside. "Uh-uh-uh," chastised Ivy. "Nobody hurts my babies. Nobody.**" **She put down the pot containing the flower with the vines that were now binding Batman.

"That was almost _too_ easy," gloated Croc.

"Congratulations," said Batman sarcastically. "You captured me in a seven-on-one attack."

"We're bad guys," Harley reminded him. "Fair fights ain't what we do."

"I'll do anything to save the planet from the likes of you, Batman," vowed Ivy.

"You are the one who ambushes people in the dark," said The Riddler. "How some people can be so hypocritical is a riddle even I can't solve."

"Before you die," said The Penguin, "Allow me to introduce us. We are the malevolent seven."

"Fitting name," Batman acknowledged.

"Why, Batsy," The Joker gave him a broad grin, even by his standards. "You seem absolutely shocked that we could form this team. Were you so naive as to think you could put us all in that house and not give us common cause?"

Batman said nothing. "I thought you were witty," said The Scarecrow. "Joker here has proven otherwise."

"You got me," acknowledged Batman. "But here's one dilemma you still have: which of your procedures for killing people are going to be used. And more to the point, who gets the credit?" Getting them to argue or better yet, fight amongst themselves was Batman's only hope. And they began looking at each other.

"No, no, no," shouted The Riddler. "This is what he wants. Us to fight each other like a pack of wolves over a kill. Batman, it didn't work!"

"But how _do _we decide?" asked Scarecrow.

"I was prepared for this little eventuality," said Riddler, reaching into his bag of equipment. It was an eight-sided dice. Batman's heart sank. His plan had failed.

"You play those nerd games?" laughed Croc.

"Way back," admitted Riddler.

"So did I," said Ivy to the surprise of the others. "Hey, I may be a gorgeous beauty that no man can resist, but I'm also a scientist."

"Enough of this," said The Riddler. "This decides which of us gets to pick Batman's demise. One is for Joker; two is for me; three is for Ivy; four is for Harley; five is for Croc; six is for Scarecrow; seven is for Penguin."

"How can that have an odd number of spots?" asked The Penguin.

"In the unlikely event of an eight," said The Riddler, "I'll just roll it again."

This looked like the end. But then all other eyes were on the dice. As Riddler tossed it, Batman reached into his belt and tossed a Batarang. The throw had to be perfect and it was; the dice went flying out of the alley, with all the archcriminals running at it to see who won the toss.

Batman now had time. He Batgrappled onto the rooftop to his left. This surprised the vines enough that they couldn't hold on. Batman began jumping and Batgrappling from rooftop to rooftop until he'd gotten back to the Batmobile and was driving away.

Batman pondered his next move. Attacking The Malevolent Seven was suicide, but they just might split up. And if all else failed, they had to sleep sometime. It would just be a matter of finding their hideout. They weren't rid of Batman yet. They would have to kill him to stop him.

**The Huntress' perspective**

Born in a crime family yet with a strong sense of justice, Helena Bertinelli felt that the best way to atone for the crimes her family had been committing for generations was to fight crime. She was doing this based on the model created by the famous Batman and now dressed in a purple costume with a domino mask and hooded cloak. She called herself The Huntress. Ironically, this meant that the self-defense training she had been taught by her gangster father, Franco, which was meant to be used against the police and rival gangs, was instead being used on criminals.

Helena had heard violent sounds outside the classroom at Gotham Elementary where she taught. Recess hadn't come soon enough. It gave Helena time to get into her Huntress outfit and drive to the scene.

She arrived just in time to see The Batman get captured and his attackers introduce themselves as The Malevolent Seven. Just before The Huntress would have stepped in, Batman had escaped. Huntress tried to catch up to him but watched him drive away. Pity, although two against seven were still bad odds.

Still, something had to be done about this alliance of archcriminals. Perhaps Gotham's heroes who had always defended her needed to come together in turn.

**Poison Ivy's perspective:**

"Perhaps we should call the Southern belle before we start looking," suggested The Penguin.

"Agreed," said Poison Ivy. "Since I'm the more accomplished female criminal here, I'll do it. Girl talk. This is something you boys wouldn't understand."

"Understood, my lady," chuckled The Joker. "But I don't fall into that catergory. I'm at the top of Gotham's most wanted and in the top ten worldwide! I'm in on this."

Since Ivy had quickly become great friends with Harley, the eco-terrorist did not put up a fight. Though like The Hog's infatuation with The Batman, who had sided with the system over the environment, Ivy wondered what Harley could see in this grinning psychopath. _I will never understand why so many women fall for the wrong guy._

Setting her phone to show the face of the woman she was calling, Ivy phoned The Hog. "You get 'im?" asked the female crime boss.

"Almost," said Ivy.

"He got away this time," Joker said in a mock cartoon villain's voice. "But there will be others."

Ivy sighed. She was not amused. "We were about to split up."

"No," screamed The Hog. Clearing her throat, she said, "That's what he wants. "Take away your numbers and jump you from behind or even above. No. We ain't steppin' into Little Bat's trap. We're forcin' him into one of our own."

"What do you have in mind, sweet pudge?" asked The Joker.

"Ah'd rather make it a surprise," said The Hog. "Return to the cabin and prepare your attack. Ah got an idea to make him come to you."

**To be continued...**


	2. The Malevolent Seven, Part II

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman had made it back to the Batcave. He picked up his alter ego's phone and called Dick Grayson, alias Robin.

"I was studying, but I'm glad to talk," said Dick. "What's up?" Batman frowned. Dick's next test wasn't anytime soon. Plus, Batman knew that this wasn't Dick's usual hard-at-work tone.

"Sorry to interrupt your game," said Batman, "But I was just attacked by no less than seven archcriminals."

"Oh my God," Dick now was speaking in a hard-working tone. "I'll be right down."

Dick arrived in less than three minutes. "It was The Joker, Riddler, Harley Quinn, Penguin, Killer Croc, Scarecrow, and Poison Ivy," explained Batman. "They're calling themselves The Malevolent Seven."

"I don't mean to sound negative..." began a worried Robin.

"Spit it out," allowed Batman. "Only a coward or a fool ignores his weaknesses."

"Don't you feel a little outnumbered?"

"There's a reason I retreated. Fear not, Robin. If we can find out who they're working with, we can trap them."

"What makes you think anybody else is behind this?"

"Think, Robin! Except for The Penguin, they're madpeople. They don't play well with others. And even he was struggling to keep them on the same page for the escape. There has to be another rancher herding these dangerous animals."

"Someone who hates us, Batman. Might wanna call out for pizza; it's gonna be awhile!"

"Not really. I can think of only three people who might be capable of controlling the maniacs _and _who might go to all this trouble: Lex Luthor, Becky "The Hog" Traylor, and Ra's al Ghul. But I think only one of them is in Gotham City."

Driving to town, Batman and Robin stood watch a distance outside Country Buffet, a restaurant owned by the Traylor crime family. Al Traylor, brother of The Hog, finally got in his car to drive home. Soon enough, the Batmobile was trailing him. To the surprise of the Dynamic Duo, Al pulled over and got out of his car.

"My old 'pals,'" said Al, "The flyin' varmints."

"What do you know about The Penguin and the six other archcriminals who have been sprung from Arkham?" asked Batman.

"Ah know that you're in deep she-ut," smiled Al. A right cross from Batman had Al leaning onto his car to stay upright.

"Wrong answer," threatened Batman. "He's still not in what I'd call a bad mood," Robin remarked.

"The good cop/bad cop routine don't work on me," snorted Al. "Ah'd rather die than betray my family, and Ah know you freaks don't ever go that far!"

"To the Batmobile," said Batman. He and Robin drove away again.

"On the plus side," Batman reviewed the situation, "At least we know the Traylors are involved. Why else would he talk about not betraying them? Unfortunately, trapping their psychotic friends won't be as simple as I'd hoped."

**Commissioner Gordon's perspective:**

James Gordon was almost dressed. "Are you dressed yet?" he called to Barbara Gordon.

"Of course, Dad," said a slightly annoyed Barbara. "I wish you wouldn't treat me like a child. I'm about to turn eighteen."

_Old habits die hard. _Gordon heard the doorbell. He opened the door to find Al and Joey Traylor, a prominent father and son in that crime family.

"Come along," commanded Al.

"You're gonna be Batbait," taunted Joey, which got him slapped by Al's free hand.

"Don't you reveal our plans, boy," said Al. "Someone might be watchin'."

"Nobody's watchin' nothin', Dad."

"Don't you 'Dad' me, young..."

"Who's that?" asked Gordon's son, Jimmy.

"Federal workers," Gordon reassured Jimmy. If he or Barbara knew who these unwanted guests were, they'd be kidnapped as well. "They say I missed a tax payment. They're taking me to sort things out."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "OK."

Al and Joey both nodded approvingly as they lead Gordon to their car. Joey drove, while Al still held Gordon at gunpoint in the back.

"Don't fret, old man," said Al quietly. "We don't get violent unless we have to. Don't make this difficult and nothin' physical will happen to you."

"'Physical?'" Gordon suspected that there was more to this.

"You're gonna be bait for Bats and if he comes along, Robin," explained Al. "Watch your step around your hosts, OK? They don't do Southern hospitality... or any other kind."

**Barbara's perspective:**

Barbara was ready to go to school. She came to the living room, backpack strapped on, only to see that her father wasn't there.

"Where's dad?" she asked.

"He messed up on his taxes," said little brother Jimmy. "Two gub'ment guys took him away to fix them."

That certainly didn't sound like their father. "That can't be," said Barbara. "He's meticulous. He can't confirm something you want him to buy without waiting for him to check if he can afford it. Not that he's cheap or anything, just good."

"Then who was it?" asked Jimmy.

"I know who it is," said Barbara. "The Batman was attacked by no less than seven archcriminals yesterday. I think they've kidnapped Dad to make Batman fight on their terms." Pity Batgirl didn't know at the time. She was in class and couldn't have any idea.

"We gotta call the police," said Jimmy.

Barbara disagreed but thought the better of arguing. Batgirl could certainly help. But Barbara couldn't. To maintain her secret identity, Barbara had to leave it to the boys in blue. "You're right," she said.

**Robin's perspective:**

This was a scary time. He and Batman were badly outnumbered and they hadn't been able to intimidate the Traylors out of aiding The Malevolent Seven. What were they going to do?

Robin looked at Batman. If he had any fear, it was well-hidden. How did he do it? He was a great man. Humorless and rough, yes, but still great.

Less than thirty seconds into the drive to Gotham, Batman and Robin saw the Batsignal. "No doubt about what we're doing anyway," said Robin.

"You don't know that," said Batman. "If it's not about The Malevolent Seven, then we can't just overlook other criminals. We answer. That was an irresponsible answer on your part."

Robin sighed. Batman was right. _I miss my early days when Batman would give me a break because I was a rookie._

They ascended to the roof of the main GCPD headquarters, but it wasn't Commissioner Gordon waiting for them, but Lieutenant Marc Freeman, holding a disc in his right hand. "Is the Commissioner well?" asked Batman, startling Freeman.

"Jim's right," said Freeman. "You do love scaring the Hell out of people."

"Hey, we need to practice somehow before we go after street vermin," Robin defended himself and his partner.

"The Commissioner's been kidnapped," lamented Freeman.

"By who?" asked Batman.

"A group of criminals calling themselves The Malevolent Seven," explained Freeman. "This disc contains the ultimatum but if you don't follow the terms, I understand."

"Why?" asked Batman.

"Listen, without police help, you two don't stand a chance against that many of them. There are casualties in law enforcement, just like war. He knew when he enlisted so many years ago that it might come to this. It has."

"Maybe, but we're not giving up on him. Take no action on this matter until you hear from us. We don't give up on people. Understand?"

"Yes."

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Good thing Barbara Gordon had begun packing up her Batgirl mask, cape, gloves, and wearing the rest of the costume underneath her clothes. The police had told her and Jimmy to not go home but to a friend or relatives' house. They had gone to their uncle and aunts' house. Barbara said she had to run an errand and talked the uncle and aunt out of coming.

Before that, though, Barbara had to spend a couple hours consoling Jimmy. He was a poor, frightened boy who was afraid he was going to lose his father they way he'd lost his mother. But while all he could do was hope for the best, The Batgirl could do something about it. _Hang tight, Jimmy. I'll find a way to get him back or die trying!_

That was just it. Even if Batgirl had any clues or a vehicle to make travel fast, she was outnumbered. She had seen the video that confirmed that no less than seven archcriminals were involved. She had to find The Batman and Robin. Seven against three was pretty bad odds, but maybe The Dark Knight, Dark Lady, and Boy Wonder could take one or two of the scum buckets with them.

"Hold it," a stern female voice called. Batgirl turned to her left rear diagonal to see a women in purple and violet, her identity concealed by a hooded cloak and domino mask. Unlike Batgirl, this person looked to be well into adulthood, but significantly younger than Batman.

"The Huntress, I presume?" asked Batgirl. She wasn't sure about this person. She used violent means to take care of criminals. She'd even killed a guy.

"And you're The Batgirl," said The Huntress. "Don't look at me like that. I don't want to fight you. I want to fight _with _you against The Malevolent Seven."

"How do you know I'm after them?"

"I don't need a Batcomputer to know they're probably connected to the kidnapping of the police Commissioner a day after they almost killed Batman."

She must not have known that Batgirl was an independent crimefighter who didn't know who Batman and Robin were, nor they her. "Good guess," said Batgirl.

"I see you didn't bring a Bat-whatever to drive," said The Huntress. A high school student with no job except during summers, and that was always part-time, couldn't really afford one. Batgirl kept staring at The Huntress.

"I've got a motorcycle down below," offered Huntress. "Room for one more. Let's see if we can't find the guys."

A much as Batgirl knew she was going to love working with another female crimefighter for a change, she had to lay down a ground rule. Upon touching down to the sidewalk, Batgirl said, "Just don't get violent, Huntress" during the walk to the Huntress-themed motorcycle. "We don't use excessive force."

The Huntress turned towards Batgirl and moved in close. Batgirl gulped. The Huntress looked to be six feet tall and weigh at least one fifty - very large for a woman! And she had a crossbow and attitude. Batgirl didn't like her chances in a fight.

"You don't give orders here, kid," declared Huntress. "As the adult here, I think you're under my supervision. Actually, you can call me 'ma'am.' On the bike!" Batgirl did as she was told. She clearly didn't have it in her to keep The Huntress in line. Maybe not even Batman could.

The Huntress turned the accelerator of her motorcycle. "Since the Batsignal's out," suggested Batgirl, "We should start looking at the main police station, Hun... ma'am."

"You catch on fast," complimented Huntress. _So much for girl talk._

**Batman's perspective:**

The monitor of the Batmobile's Batnavicomputer could also be used for watching video and had a disc slot directly below it. Batman put in the disc he had obtained from Lt. Freeman so he and Robin could see what the scum buckets had to say.

"Hello to our old friends: Freeman, Montoya, the fat guy, and most importantly, Guano Man and The Brat Wonder," insulted The Joker.

"I know you've missed this, but no longer," said Poison Ivy, feeling up and down her body.

"Who are about to face impossible odds?" The Riddler gave his easiest riddle.

"Let's show Batman and Robin their other dance partners," said Ivy. With that, The Riddler seemed to walk towards the screen and disappear as he moved the camera or phone (Batman couldn't tell which was used) around to show Harley Quinn cooking an early dinner, The Scarecrow handling his fear-based toxins, and The Penguin playing poker with Killer Croc.

"I've lost as much as I can afford to," said Penguin.

"Best poker player in the Global Rasslin' Federation," boasted Croc.

"Best among frauds, eh?" asked an unimpressed Penguin.

Croc picked Penguin up by the tuxedo lapels. "I'll show you how fake I am!"

"Play nice, _boys_," said Ivy.

"We're together in this," agreed The Joker, motioning to his suit flower. "Finish your game civilly or this pretty rose will cut something - and I'm not talking about cards!" Croc put Penguin down. In return, Penguin gave Croc the money he'd won.

"That's how partygoers should behave," said Joker, putting on a party hat. "Still one more to show our friends." Joker, Riddler, and Ivy took the recording upstairs and into a room where Gordon lay tied to a bed.

"Our guest of honor," praised The Joker.

"You boys have until dawn to prove that you're more than apologists for the planet-destroying government," said Ivy "No police. We've enough in attendance."

"Yes," agreed Joker. "Gordon hates uninvited guests. I fear he'll disappear forever if other cops show up." Joker laughed and laughed. "Disappear. That's a good one." He returned to laughing.

"He's nuts," said Robin.

"But we knew that already," said Batman.

When The Joker finally calmed down, The Riddler said, "I'll let you figure out where we are, Batman. How is a ladies' man a piece to this puzzle." The recording ended.

"He's got a lot of wood," Robin immediately guessed.

"I know," said Batman. "That's an easy one to figure out. It looked like a cabin. And where are cabins?"

"Too easy?" asked Robin.

"No," Batman put a finer point to it. "Much too easy. This is a trap."

"Do we have a choice?"

"No. If we don't go - and without police - the Commissioner dies at dawn."

"Seven against two. And they're prepared."

"You don't want to know what the odds are."

"Probably not."

"I should take you home. This is too dangerous."

"It's too dangerous for you, Batman. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could've made a difference. I'd rather die trying."

Batman thought. He knew that shouldn't have let Robin come, but after losing his parents, he'd been through enough tragedy. "All right," said Batman.

"You're the best guardian in the world!"

"No, the best guardian would keep you out of this, but I'm mediocre. Just one thing: be positive. There's always a chance. Got that?" Robin nodded.

After a bit of driving, a motorcycle with two costumed women on it pulled up. Batman hit the breaks and opened the Batmobile's front shield.

"What are you ladies doing here?" asked Batman.

"Spoken like a man's man who's afraid to ask for directions," joked Batgirl. "Hi, Robin."

"Hi," responded Robin.

"On a more serious note," said The Huntress, "We're here to even the odds."

"Seven against four _and _a trap that I have reason to believe that they have sprung isn't my idea of even odds," said Batman.

"Better than seven against two," argued Batgirl.

"What are the odds now?" asked Robin.

"Almost one in four," said Batman.

"I'm ready when you are," grinned Batgirl.

"Just one little catch," said Batman. "I know who you are, Huntress. And that you use excessive force."

"I'm sorry, Batman," apologized Batgirl. "I tried to make her understand, but... she's the boss."

"Damn straight," The Huntress said proudly. "As for the scum, I never gave them anything they didn't deserve. And before you say they didn't, I've known a few of their kind outside this costume. I don't have to look at any of your three smooth faces to know that you can't say the same."

Batman was willing to acknowledge that. "Just don't kill anyone. You do that on this mission, you're going up the river with The Malevolent Seven."

"All right," said Huntress. "Until this is over, I'll agree to your terms." But Batman wasn't so sure that she had any intention of keeping that promise. _Long odds and a need to watch a sadistic comrade in arms. But whoever said fighting crime was easy?_

Eventually, they found a cabin with no less than three cars parked outside. Hiding their vehicles in the surrounding forest, Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and The Huntress began watching. Didn't look like any members of The Malevolent Seven were outside.

"First things first," planned Batman. "We need to get Gordon out of here. I remember the recording well enough to have a pretty good idea of where he might be."

Because stealth was so important, Batman extracted the grappling hook from his Batgrapple and threw it above the window to the room where Commissioner Gordon was being held. Batman climbed up, opened the window, and entered the room, with his allies close behind.

"You have to leave," whispered Gordon. "It's a trap."

"I know," whispered Batman. He reached for a Batarang and used it to start cutting a rope when the door to the room opened. Poison Ivy came in holding a potted plant with a mutant flower whose vine "arms" tied the four rescuers together.

"What a beautifully photographic moment," Ivy mocked. Batman would have started cutting arms off, but The Joker's suit flower, Penguin's umbrella gun, and the ordinary pistols of The Riddler and Harley Quinn were aimed at the costumed heroes.

"Guess you can't say this was that unfair at five against four, eh, Batsy?" asked Joker.

"Scarecrow and Croc should be a part of this," said The Penguin.

"Agreed," concurred Ivy. "Let's go."

"If they don't live..." began Gordon.

"Don't worry," laughed Joker. "Your fun's still coming, old timer. Be patient."

Batman, Batgirl, Robin, and The Huntress were taken down the stairs, still bound together.

"Looky what we caught, mateys," said The Joker in a sailor's accent.

Croc cheered. "I do believe this is your worst fear of all," taunted The Scarecrow.

"Before we do anything else..." The Riddler got a butcher knife out of a kitchen drawer and used it to cut Batman, Robin, and Batgirl's belts full of tools off, along with The Huntress' belt of only rope and throwing knives. They were know officially helpless.

"I wanna know just who's behind those masks," Croc said with glee.

"We should call our business partners first," said The Penguin. "Let them know that we got 'em." Batman had an idea of whom those partners were.

"That sure could've gone better," whispered Huntress.

"Guess the odds are back into where 'You don't wanna know' territory?" whispered Robin. No one answered.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog, Al, Daisy, Yuji Takahan, and Joey were all waiting in the meeting room. Most had found other ways to keep themselves occupied, but The Hog was single-minded in her focus. The outcome of this job could get her family destroyed by the other mob unions for "incompetence" or it could earn The Hog enough respect to elevate her to the top of the Gotham crime world! Not to mention her attraction to Batman could be fulfilled, but as her late father always said, "Work before love."

A ringtone was music to The Hog's ears. She picked up. The Joker and Poison Ivy seemed to want to be seen by The Hog and vice versa.

"The Earth killer is ours, along with three friends of his," said Ivy, moving her phone around so The Hog could see Batman, Batgirl, Robin, and The Huntress trapped in Ivy's vines and without their belts.

"Good work," said The Hog, slapping the table in joy.

"He's ripe for unmasking," said The Joker. "Penguin thought you'd want to see it."

"And he thought right," smiled The Hog. "Ah got some... business associates. Ah want Little Bat and his friends to be unmasked in front of them. That'll be a warnin' that Ah'm changin' things in this city, and they _really _don't wanna be in the way of change."

"Subtle," laughed Joker. "Part of me is hoping they're dumb enough to make some fireworks."

"Sorry Joker," The Hog consoled him, "But they're cowards. They'll do as Ah say after this show. After that's over with, do whatcha want with his juniors, but Little Bat is mine. His eventual unmaskin' will give me the leverage to take him home, not bury him. Understand?"

The Joker and Ivy were surprised. "How long are you giving him?" asked Ivy.

"Should take 'em an hour or so after the call," said The Hog. "Don't plan on goin' to bed too early."

"It's not that," said Joker. "Take it from people who know. If you get a chance to shoot Batsy down now, don't wait. He always finds a way."

The Hog started clucking like a chicken. "You Yankee cowards are more McClellan than Lincoln. You got 'em helpless and outnumbered, right?"

"I'm trying to say that you can never count Batsy out until his body gets cold," tried Joker.

"What did Ah just say?" asked The Hog grumpily.

"Men aren't worth it - no offense to present company," argued Ivy. The Hog seemed angered by that.

"I'm sure we can find you another stud muffin," said The Joker. "Let's start. I'm taken, but The Riddler looks like women could find him attractive. Why don't I get him over here?"

"Ah got that cabin under surveillance and ready to explode," threatened The Hog. "If Little Bat dies, he's just the first. Understand?"

"And they call us crazy," complained The Joker.

"Ah mean it," promised The Hog, hanging up. She noticed that the rest of the family leadership was in shock from overhearing the call. "What are you lookin' at?" asked The Hog.

"They're right, Aunt Becky," said Joey. "If we can shoot 'em, let's do it."

"Ah make the decisions 'round here, boy," The Hog reminded him.

"With all due respect," Al spoke softly, "Ah think your feelins for the that costumed nut are hurtin' your judg - don't look at me like that. Ah'm your brother. Ah'm only tryin' to help."

The Hog waited a few seconds. It had been a long time since she'd felt so angry at Al. How dare he suggest that she was a valley girl who had lost her mind to love? "You're my brother all right," The Hog agreed regardless. "If not, Ah'd have really beaten the she-ut out of you by now!"

"Ah do believe he's gotten out of enough situations that we better be careful," said Daisy.

"Never happen," assured The Hog. "Yuji, what are his chances of escape?"

Yuji did some computing on his tablet. "Less than three percent by my calculations," he concluded.

"See? Nothin' to worry about."

"But..." Yuji seemed as skeptical as anyone else. "...Probability also says that the chances Batman could've survived all he went through for the three years leading up to this night, not to mention the rigorous exercise he'd have had to go through before any of this started are one in three million and change! We can't trust the numbers."

"The Asian tech nerd and me are on the same page," Al noted the significance of this occasion. "Now can we put those animals down?"

"Ah'm surrounded by cowards," complained The Hog. "They're helpless. Nothin's gonna happen. That handsome sumbitch is gonna put the unions in line and be delivered to me. You'll see. My mind's made up. Anybody who questions it any further leaves this organization the only way any of its higher-ups can. Ah ain't takin' no more she-ut from you."

**Batman's perspective:**

The Malevolent Seven were not making any move to kill Batman, Batgirl, Robin, or The Huntress. From what Batman had gathered, the Traylors wanted to wait to do it. Probably because The Hog was crazy about Batman, an attraction he could do without. Although there were moments of insanity when... _no, don't even think about those times._

Point was, at least Batman and his allies were alive. For the time being. They were still tied up in mutant vines. It may have only been a matter of time. The others seemed less than optimistic.

"Sorry we dragged you two into this volcano," whispered Robin.

"It would've been worse if we hadn't come," said The Huntress. "At least we'll die heroes."

"This waiting is killing me," exclaimed Batgirl. "I wish they'd get it over with."

"Listen to yourselves," said Batman. "You're all ready to die. But we're not dead. Not yet. Not necessarily for decades. As long as we're breathing, there's still a chance!"

"How?" asked Robin. "They took our weapons."

"Not all of them," corrected The Huntress. "I still have a crossbow and bolts under my cloak."

"Then why aren't we free?" asked Batgirl.

"First of all," said an irritated Huntress , though she remembered to stay quiet, "Know your place, little girl. Second, I can't reach the bolts like this."

"I think I can," said Robin, reaching as far around as he could in the vines. "Got a bolt."

"Pass it this way but be careful about it," ordered Batman. "We can't afford to be caught in the act."

Slowly and carefully, Robin passed the bolt to Batman. In turn, Batman cautiously began cutting vines with it. Before long, the heroes were free. On top of that, the flower with the vines was too hurt and intimidated to try to bind them again.

Of course, it was seconds before a few criminals, The Riddler, Scarecrow, and Penguin, discovered what had just happened. But Batman had anticipated this and was throwing the bolt at the overhead light. By the time The Malevolent Seven had retrieved its weapons, the cabin had dimmed and Batman, Batgirl, Robin, and The Huntress were on their way out the window.

The costumed heroes retreated into the nearby forests, with their pursuers behind.

"Why aren't we headed for our vehicles?" asked Batgirl.

"We'd get shot getting in," said Batman.

"Then we're not out of trouble," recognized Robin. "We're outnumbered and mostly unarmed."

"We split up," commanded Batman. "If we're separate, the woods, are a great place to hide and ambush."

"That evens the odds," said The Huntress. "Good plan."

"You still can't kill," Batman reminded Huntress. "We spread out here." With that, they all kept running in different directions.

**The Huntress' perspective:**

The Huntress was on the run. She drew her crossbow and began loading it. This slowed her down enough for her pursuers, The Penguin and Killer Croc, to start catching up. The Penguin drew his Umbrella Copter with one hand and started flying above with what The Huntress guessed was an Umbrella Gun was the thematic umbrella in Penguin's other hand.

Hopping to the side to throw off Penguins' aim, Huntress fired a bolt at the Umbrella Copter, sending it flying and causing The Penguin to fall. _Perfect. He can't run to save his life, so I just have to lead Croc on and it's one-on-one._

When she was satisfied that she'd pulled far enough ahead, Huntress turned at the pursuing Croc and loaded her crossbow. The man-beast was too into the savage zone to realize that The Huntress had a lethal weapon. _Good._ She shot a bolt at a section of the stomach where it wouldn't be fatal.

Croc stumbled forward for a few steps, then returned to speed. _Uh-uh! Tough man. That would've decked a deer. _Huntress loaded her crossbow again and fired a bolt into the chest of croc, knowing that he would survive it. Still charging forward, he slapped the crossbow out of Huntress' hands.

Croc lifted up Huntress and started choking. Huntress immediately began gasping for breath. "As much as gettin' arrowed by your hot ass is a fantasy of mine," said Croc, "Ya shouldn't have screwed with me. At least that kinda 'Screw with me.'"

Huntress thought about the old knee to the groin, but that probably wouldn't work on a guy who could survive crossbow shots. But then she noticed that Croc's eyes, despite being black like those of a real crocodile, looked almost normal.

The Huntress reached back for a bolt and jabbed it into the right eye of Croc, followed by the left. The shock of blindness loosened Croc's grip enough for Huntress to shake free. She was weakened herself, but began feeling for the crossbow in the spot it had been knocked at. Soon enough she found, aimed, and took another shot at Croc's chest. He fell.

But Croc slowly rose again. a bolt to the shoulder only dropped him to one knee. _One bolt left. _That bolt went to the abdomen and Croc finally fell unconscious.

The Huntress retrieved one of the bolts from Croc's body and loaded it into her crossbow. The Penguin would catch up sooner or later. Within minutes, Penguin had arrived with both umbrellas.

"I see you felled the titan," said The Penguin. The Huntress nodded and smirked.

"It's not gentlemanly to fight a woman," said Penguin. "I bid you good night." _Yeah, right. Sorry, fat midget, but you're not going anywhere._ The Huntress took aim at Penguin's heart, but then remembered that Batman had threatened to bring her in if she killed. This hesitation enabled The Penguin to pick up speed and fly out of sight.

The Huntress kicked a tree in anger. _Damn you, Batman!_

**Robin's perspective:**

Robin thought he now heard that the footsteps pursuing him were getting louder and thus closer. He stopped to turn around and look with his nightvision lenses on. It was Harley Quinn, toting a baseball bat. She was roaring and charging. While armed, extremely quick and agile, and deceptively strong for her small (even for a woman) size, she was a brawler at heart. Rage and athleticism, but no technique. _I've had harder fights._

Robin sidestepped a bat strike, caught the bat, and used it to swing Harley into a tree, causing her to lose grip on the bat. Turning off the nightvision lenses because they weren't suitable for combat, Robin tossed the bat aside. He wasn't going to be that rough to a lady, even one who killed people. He punched Harley across the jaw. Harley responded with a high kick underneath the chin. Robin dodged another high kick and knocked Harley back and down with another right cross and high snap kick.

"Guess we know you hit girls," said Harley. "Good. I like that in guy. If you weren't a kid and Mistah J weren't mine forever, you'd be temptin'. But I can play dirty too." With that, she threw a wad of powder at Robin's face. That must not have been ordinary powder. He couldn't see. He was really in trouble.

Robin felt a kick to the face and tried to strike back and missed. A few seconds later, he was decked by a hopping elbow strike to the back of the head. His head took a few more kicks and an elbow drop. By this point, he was coughing up blood. The powder still wasn't close to wearing off. _What am I gonna do? I can't beat her if I can't see._

"Poor boy," mocked Harley. "I got my boot under your face. Lick an' kiss it an' I'll put you outta your misery. Otherwise, it's five more days of this with Mistah J gettin' inta the act."

Batman would have taken the torture, but Robin wasn't Batman. Robin just wasn't one to fight when it was futile.

_Wait a minute! Batman. Remember what he told you Robin: "Your eyes can't always save you. Remember your other senses." And he taught me how to use them._

Robin log rolled away. "What a dumbass," laughed Harley. She charged, but Robin had closed his eyes and was focused on the other senses. He kicked out, hoping to tag Harley this time. The grunt confirmed that he had. Following the direction of the grunt, Robin delivered an uppercut that knocked Harley back. Robin didn't see Harley stepping back, but he did hear it.

"It ain't possible," complained Harley. "You ain't got no eyes."

"Who says I need 'em?"

"Harley charged again. A side kick from Robin knocked her back again. A thud indicated that Harley was in a sitting position. And Robin's eyes were getting just a little bit better. Still not close, but this seemed temporary, and in any event, he didn't seem to need to see to win after all.

"It's been fun," said Harley, retreating. Robin pursued her, only to trip and fall on something. He couldn't tell what.

Robin's eyes were beginning to clear. Unfortunately, Harley had pulled too far away to be seen. Robin snapped his fingers, frustrated. Vision couldn't entirely be replaced.

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl was up in a tree. She guessed that the two archcriminals chasing her, Poison Ivy and The Scarecrow, wouldn't figure that she could climb a tree without her belt. Judging from how they were passing by the tree Batgirl had scaled, she was right.

Batgirl carefully and quietly slid back down to the ground and started sneaking around. She thought of something. Like Batgirl, Poison Ivy was a strong woman, even if extremism and megalomania were where Batgirl drew the line. The point was, Barbara Gordon had been touched without her permission and made sure those boys never did it again.

So from behind a tree, Batgirl reached out and touched Ivy's behind. Ivy slapped The Scarecrow. "Don't ever disrespect me like that again," thundered Ivy.

"I didn't do anything," insisted Scarecrow.

"Snare him, little one," Ivy commanded her mutant flower. The vines ensnared Scarecrow and squeezed. Ivy took one of Scarecrow's skull-shaped Fear Gas dispensers and sprayed him. Within seconds, Scarecrow was screaming in terror.

"Just another 'big, strong man,' who turns into coward when push comes to shove."

_Time for me to strike!_ Batgirl tackled Ivy from behind. "Let me guess," said Ivy. "He was telling the truth."

Batgirl nodded. "I remember you, Ivy," she said. "I think you made me."

"They make erasers for a reason," said Ivy. "Get 'er, precious!"

The vines left Scarecrow and began tying up Batgirl's limbs, so she immediately darted for a tree, putting her arms and legs on opposite sides so she could climb. Ivy held onto the pot so Batgirl couldn't drag it up, but in time enough, Batgirl managed to rip the plant out of the pot, crippling it and totally freeing herself.

Batgirl returned to the ground. "You killed him," screamed Ivy. "He will be avenged!" Batgirl smiled and gave her a "C'mere" sign.

"Maybe not," reconsidered the petite Ivy. "But I can count on you Bat-people not having the stomach to make the big decisions. Hear Scarecrow screaming? Looks like muscle spasms in numerous places? As a scientist, I can tell you that he'll be literally scared to death soon if you don't knock him out for his own good. Not enough time to do that and catch me. The choice is yours." With that, Ivy ran.

_Yeah, like I'm letting you go for that creep! Aw, who am I kidding? I'm not letting anybody die, no matter how bad! The parents and hero of mine who inspired me would no doubt do the same._

Unlike Batman and Robin, Batgirl didn't know pressure points. She had to hit Scarecrow a few times before he finally fell unconscious and stopped panicking to death. By then, Ivy was long gone. _You better appreciate this, horror movie reject!_

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman wasn't quite as fast as the well under six-foot Robin and Batgirl, so The Dark Knight was beginning to hear the sounds of hand-to-hand combat before he was ready to spring his ambush. Fortunately, the others seemed to be winning.

Batman took off his cape and attached it to a tree branch. In a forest at night, you'd have to be very close to the cape to realize that it wasn't Batman!

Batman hid a distance away, concealed by wood. He listened to gunfire followed by clicking. "There had to be a winner," boasted The Joker.

"Yes, me," said Riddler. "I tagged him, primal creature."

"As if a pale imitation of me could shoot straight."

_This is why you don't trust lunatics, Traylors. They can't work together. _As Joker and Riddler entered a shouting match, Batman sneaked up and slammed their heads together, then knocked them down with a punch with each hand.

"I'll settle this, maniacs," offered Batman. "I fooled you both." The crafty Riddler threw some dirt at Batman's face. Batman quickly scraped the dirt out and his vision returned, but Riddler was fleeing. _Oh, no, you don't!_

But no sooner had Batman thought that when The Joker sprayed suit flower acid at him. Batman dodged it, moved in close, and ripped out the flower. Another punch backed The Joker up.

"Riddler," said Joker. "If you don't get your ass back here, I'm not sharing credit with you when I kill him."

"I know one place you can do that," Batman remarked. "Your dreams. As for The Riddler, haven't you ever heard that there's no honor among thieves?"

"Who needs the scrawny lizard anyway?" asked The Joker. "The last time we met before this decreasingly worthwhile team was formed, I had you _dead_ to rights until your Cat maiden in shining armor showed up."

"Maybe," admitted Batman. "But you had to use her as a target to distract me, if I recall. Not that I've forgotten; if you thought I beat on you before..."

Joker's answer to that was to throw what looked like party streamers. Batman caught them in his hands, only for them to wrap themselves many times around Batman's arms and body, tying him up.

The Joker moved in and delivered four punches and a kick to Batman's face, knocking him down. He drew a switchblade knife to be plunged into Batman's throat, but Batman kicked both legs up to catch Joker's arm inches short of the kill. A twist of the feet forced Joker to drop the knife and a double-footed kick staggered him back.

As a multitask-er, Batman had been struggling with the streamers all this while and freed his arms. He moved close and saw The Joker reaching for something else. Batman caught Joker's wrists and spread them out before he could get anything else. Three headbutts brought The Clown Prince of Crime literally to his knees.

"Why?" asked The Joker. "Why can't you be killed? Outnumbered, immobilized, your toys taken away! What do we have to do?"

"We'll always stop you people," Batman explained how his team had obliterated the odds. "Not necessarily because we're better. Because with Gotham City depending on us, we want it more." Before The Joker could say anything else, Batman had kicked him out cold.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog's phone was ringing again. She answered. "It hasn't gone well," said The Penguin.

"You couldn't hold him?" asked The Hog, struggling to hold onto her temper. This might get her back in bad with the other mob bosses.

"Don't say you weren't warned about Batman's ability to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat."

"Shut up," interrupted The Hog. "Meet me at a warehouse west of Country Buffet. We'll discuss this there." She hung up.

"They failed," The Hog explained to the other heads of the Traylor family.

Al walked over to his sister. "Ah want to remind you that Ah was against this from..."

"Don't start," The Hog ordered Al, lifting him up by the suit, then letting him down once he got the picture.

_Who am Ah kiddin'? Why didn't Ah listen to everybody?_

The Hog wasn't out of gas yet. The Malevolent Seven may have failed, but Batman would have to get Gordon out of the cabin. The Hog still had surveillance equipment and explosives there.

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and The Huntress had met outside the forests with the archcriminals they had caught. "Wait here," said Batman. "I'll get the Comissioner."

Batman ran into the cabin. He'd have gone after the severed utility belts, but he heard a hissing sound. _I don't like the sound of that. _He spent just enough time to get a butcher knife out of the kitchen. He charged back up the stairs and cut a couple ropes binding Gordon, picked him up, and jumped out of the cabin. They just barely avoided the explosion.

"Thank god you're OK," said Batgirl.

"I don't even know you, madam," said a purplexed Gordon.

"I... know you're an honest, hardworking soul," explained Batgirl. But why _was _she so emotionally relieved that Gordon was safe.

"Whatever," said Robin. "Against all odds, we've won."

"Wasn't our cleanest victory," said Batman. "Four of them are still free."

"That's right," said The Huntress. "Damn you, Batman! If you hadn't made me promise not to kill, The Penguin would be dead."

"So you'd rather be a murderess than a heroine?" asked Batman.

"There's nothing heroic about letting him get away to do more damage," argued Huntress. "I don't think I want to work with you again."

"Feeling's more than mutual," said Batgirl. The Huntress left and got on her motorcycle.

"Thank you all," Gordon expressed his gratitude to the three remaining heroes. "I needed your help like never before. Wait, do I know you, Batgirl?"

"I... you probably meet a lot of girls calling the police for help," said Batgirl.

"That's true," Gordon said thoughtfully.

"You said you'd want to have a full partnership with us after awhile," said Robin. "I think you're ready."

"Yeah," agreed Batgirl. "I am."

"First," prioritized Batman, "Let's get the Commissioner home."

**Gasper Whittaker's perspective:**

The mob bosses had arrived at the wreckage of a cabin.

"So the fat trailor trash bitch failed," Riko Dimiquen stated the obvious. "Now can we take her out?"

"I'll give 'er a bit longer," said Gasper. "Only a bit."

**The Hog's perspective:**

"This is a worse disaster than Gettysburg," complained The Hog to The Penguin, Riddler, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn. "You had 'em in your power. Why the Hell couldn't you hold them?"

"What do a weatherman, doomsayer, film critic, and us have in common?" asked The Riddler. "All of the above warned you."

"From the looks of your comrades, hillbilly," noted Ivy, "They agree with us."

"Fine," said The Hog. "Here's how we do it."

"Uh-uh," refused Harley. "I think I'm through takin' orders from you."

"I agree," said The Penguin. "It's been wonderful having your Southern hospitality, but I think there are greener pastures."

"There are really only two people I play well with," said Riddler. "I'll think I'll spring them."

"How dare you walk away from me," shouted a furious Hog. "Ah gave your freedom."

"Not me," Penguin reminded her. "I'm entitled to do this." He shot The Hog in the left thigh with his Umbrella Gun. The Hog fell.

The Hog's comrades immediately drew their guns. "Let 'em go," she said reluctantly. "This alliance is over either way." The costumed archcriminals left.

Al and Daisy helped The Hog to a car. "What now?" asked Al.

"On the plus side," said The Hog, "Little Bat ain't our problem anymore. He's still got those nuts to catch. By now, the other bosses have figured out that we've failed."

"They're liable to start a war," realized Daisy.

"One Ah plan on winnin'," stated The Hog. "_If _it comes to that. For now, don't attack unless they do. Maybe this'll blow over. Probably not. Hostilities have broken out."

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman and Robin had unmasked in the Batcave. "Your turn," said Batman.

Batgirl unmasked to reveal Barbara Gordon.

"You're the Commissioner's daughter?" asked Batman.

"Yeah," said Batgirl. "And, yes, that's probably why he almost recognized me. I hate lying to him."

"At least you have someone to lie to," said Robin.

"Oh..." Batgirl was taken aback by what that meant. "I'm sorry to hear that, but it explains why you do what you do."

"Never mind that," Batman changed the subject. "We're officially three. And we've got to be with no less than four psychotic archcriminals on the loose."

**Harley Quinn's perspective:**

"I do believe that this is where we should part company," said The Penguin.

"Agreed," said The Riddler. He and The Penguin left in opposite directions.

"So where are you going?" Poison Ivy asked Harley.

"I'm bustin' out Mistah J," Harley promised.

"Why?" asked Ivy.

"Why not?" Harley answered the question with a question. "Look Red, he's the love of my life."

"No, he's not. He uses you. He yells at you and threatens violence. That's not love."

"He's just a little rough."

"Harley, you don't need that psychopath running you into the ground like a horse in ancient Rome. You're just as good a criminal as he is. Be your own woman."

"I need someone. Before you say I don't, the doctor says I'm no ordinary girl. I'm dependent."

"Then come with me. With any luck, I'll make you independent."

Harley thought about it. Since The Hog never paid her, it would take some time to get the money needed to buy the equipment to free The Joker. "I'll try it for a week or two."

**Batman's perspective:**

The Joker, Killer Croc, and Scarecrow were on their way back to Arkham Asylum. The other members of The Malevolent Seven remained. Batman drove the Batmobile to The Hog's house in the country. Batman entered through a window leading to The Hog's room as she was in bed watching television.

"What do Ah owe the honor to this time, Little Bat?" asked The Hog, smiling at Batman.

"You know what," said Batman. "Since you've got a crutch next to the bed, I take it you've seen the folly of trusting maniacs?"

"Yeah."

"Where are they?"

"Ah don't know."

Batman saw no reason to believe her. "You tell me all you know," demanded Batman, pounding his right fist into his left palm.

"Threatenin' a crippled woman?" asked The Hog. "What a big man you are!"

"You're not judging, are you?" asked Batman. "Because until this case, I didn't realize just how evil you are."

"Ah wasn't gonna let 'em kill you," said The Hog. "Ah swear on the soul of my dead father. You know how much Ah like you."

"That's not the point," said Batman. "You released living gangrene on Gotham. You won't be forgiven."

"Then beat the she-ut out of me," suggested The Hog. "You can't, can you? Part of you wants to ride me. Ah've got the saddle if you've got the spurs, cowboy!"

Batman wanted to crawl naked on hot coal, because The Hog was right. Why did he keep getting attracted to crooked women, even if it was only a small part of him in The Hog's case. She wasn't even attractive. She was overweight, if muscularly so.

"It's your imagination," Batman insisted.

"You hesitated," said The Hog, patting her own lap in an attempt to summon Batman.

Batman jumped out the window and returned to the Batmobile. He wasn't getting any help from The Hog, so he couldn't waste any more time. Four serial killers were on the loose.


	3. A Night in the Life

**Barbara Gordon's perspective:**

Barbara had finished her first day on her first job, a part-time technician who worked at Wayne Enterprises after school. She and Bruce Wayne agreed that this was for the best. In the first place, this was perfect for the working relationship of two allies in a war against crime. In the second place, the possibility of having to work late gave Barbara an explanation of the Batgirl persona causing her to miss bedtime: Bruce had Barbara working late. Being late to come home had gotten her in trouble before, and she had run out of excuses.

The explanation for why Barbara got a job with no experience? Bruce had told Commissioner James Gordon that it was a personal favor. Bruce couldn't very well give the real reason, especially to Barbara's own father. Besides, Barbara was a computer genius as well as a great athlete. Any doubts among her co-workers as to whether she deserved the job quickly vanished.

Bruce led Dick Grayson, Alfred, and Barbara down the stairs to the Batcave. "We've got a surprise for you, Madam Barbara," said Alfred.

"You're gonna love this," added Dick.

Bruce showed Barbara a set of Batgirl uniforms. "Other than being made for a woman of your size," Bruce explained, "These uniforms are just like mine. They provide protection against unarmed strikes, fire, poison, knives, and to a lesser extent, bullets. Instead of merely a grappling hook and rope, your new utility belt has a grappling gun that I call a Batgrapple. Batacid, Batgas, and a hacking Battablet are also available, and your new Batarangs are more refined than the old ones."

Barbara was floored by this. These suits were far superior to her old one, which was just barely adequate. "Very generous," Barbara gave her thanks. "How much did these cost you?"

"For me," Bruce assured her, "Practically nothing."

"Master Bruce almost literally has money to burn," grinned Alfred.

"Ain't that the truth?" asked Dick. "He thinks he can buy a father-son relationship with me like he buys everything else. Kidding, Bruce." Barbara wasn't so sure that this was a joke.

"I know it's terrible to refuse these," Barbara put it as sensitively as she could, "But I don't want to get rid of my old uniform. For sentimental reasons, you know."

"That's OK," said Bruce. "We'll keep it in a glass case as a memory of what you used to wear. But now these are yours."

"Deal," Barbara shook his hand.

"I understand you like each other," said Bruce. "Good. You won't mind patrolling together in the Batmobile. As it's the anniversary of the event that made me The Batman, I'm taking the Batcycle alone."

"Is this personal?" Barbara guessed.

"Dick can fill you in."

**The Hog's perspective:**

Becky "The Hog" Traylor, Al, Daisy, Joey, and Yuji Takahan were in the meeting room at Country Buffet. "So what are the other mob unions doin'?" asked The Hog.

"They seem to have arms comin' in," Al unsurprisingly reported. "But they ain't doin' nothin' on offense, just defense."

"Sounds like at least some of them ain't sure about war," said Daisy.

"Perhaps cooler heads will prevail," said Yuji.

"Ah doubt it," said The Hog. "Riko Dimiquen really, really hates me. Ah feel the same thing about him. At best, it'll be just his business takin' us on."

"Ah think we should go after him first," suggested Joey.

"No," disagreed Al. "Without gettin' the others on board, the one startin' the war'll end up goin' up against all other organized crime in Gotham City."

"Yeah," concurred The Hog. "We go to war only when we know it's about to happen or we can somehow turn the others against the Dimiquens."

**Batman's perspective:**

It was the twenty-fourth anniversary of the death of Bruce Wayne's parents. He was on the very street on which it happened. To get the best view, Batman Batgrappled onto a nearby building.

Batman found himself flashbacking to the night his parents died. They had come out of a movie. Batman remembered little about this movie except that, ironically enough, it was about a hero who fought terrorists with tools given to him by an old man and seemed to have a knack for getting out of tight spots.

On the way back to the car, young Bruce Wayne and his parents were attacked by a mugger. Batman still had no idea who this was. His parents had given into the mugger's demands, but he shot Bruce's parents anyway. Bruce was sure that he was next, but the mugger seemed to think he was suffering enough and left with the money and diamond necklace.

After a adolescence and early adulthood learning science, technology, detective work, and going to Asia to learn martial arts, Bruce Wayne had been ready to fight crime under the intimidating identity of a bat.

Reliving these memories at this location became more painful every year. But out of respect for his parents, Batman had to do it. As hard as it was, he knew he'd be doing it the next year. Unless he was killed within the next three hundred fifty-six days. Maybe by The Joker, Poison Ivy, a common thug on a lucky night, or an accident as Bruce. Death and taxes were the only certainties in life, after all.

Batman saw a couple and their daughter being stuck up by a mugger down below. _A welcome diversion._

Batman descended to the ground in time to throw a Batarang that knocked the gun out of the mugger's hand. Batman charged in and delivered a jab-jab-cross that knocked the mugger flat.

"Thanks," said the mother.

"Saved our lives," said the father.

"You're like a prince in a fairy tale," smiled the daughter.

Batman Batgrappled away, looking at the daughter on his way up. The odds now were that she would never understand how it would have felt to lose her parents as a child. And Batman liked it that way.

_Three more innocents saved. But the war continues._

**Robin's perspective:**

Robin was driving the Batmobile. Occasionally, he looked to the side at The Batgirl. _She sure is pretty. _

"You never told me how you ever got into this life," said Batgirl.

"I almost feel like a mirror image of him," said Robin.

"Other than your cheerful demeaner," disagreed Batgirl. "And your sense of humor. And that fact that you're not a workaholic."

"OK," relented Robin. "You've made your point. My parents and I performed at an ice show. They were killed by the Zucco crime family because the boss wouldn't agree to a protection racket."

"How awful," said Batgirl.

"Batman and I got the people who did it, but it didn't do Mom and Dad a whole lot of good. And, yeah, I passed on a cuss word there. Batman doesn't allow it."

"Stick in the mud?" asked Batgirl.

"More like a stick in the swamp," said Robin. "Anyway, keeping what happened to our parents from happening to us is why we do what we do. What's your story, Batgirl?"

"I guess I'm supposed to get dramatic," said Batgirl, "But the truth is that dad taught me the values of loyalty, courage, compassion, and above all, justice. That's all there is to it. Sorry to disappoint."

"Don't worry," Robin had no problem with her motivations. "You're better off without the hurt we have except... why have you hidden this from your father? If you can't trust him..."

"It's not a trust thing," said Batgirl quickly. "He wouldn't want me doing this. He specifically forbade me to become a policewoman."

"It's still worth it to have..." Robin took a harder look at what he thought he saw. "...We've got trouble."

Robin drove the Batmobile onto a sidewalk, cutting two men off from the car they planned on using to store the the large TV set and personal computer they had stolen from G-Mart.

Robin pulled a switch and the front shield of the Batmobile opened. He and Batgirl jumped onto the hood to stare down the thieves.

"Oh," said one of the criminals, relieved. "Just the kids."

"It's way past your bedtime," said the other.

"Don't rise to their insults," said Batgirl. "Keep your cool." She was right. Robin almost lost it, which might have caused him to make a mistake. "We strike on three," said Batgirl. "1... 2... 3!"

Batgirl and Robin both each dived on another burglar. Batgirl stunned her target with three snap kicks, while Robin twisted the left arm of the other behind his back to paralyze him with pain. "Still think we're 'Just kids?'" asked Batgirl.

"You win," pleaded Batgirl's collar. Robin's nodded in agreement. Robin couldn't help but feel bad that he couldn't seem to help but make mistakes without a Bat around. He felt like the dumb male in a comedy film who needed a wiser father-figure or ethereal girl to keep him from making mistakes.

A bit down the drive from the burglars who were now tied up for the police, Batgirl asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," denied Robin.

"You're not being honest with yourself. You're usually really talkative. And since when do you pass up an opportunity to talk smack to lawbreakers? Mm-hmm. Either you just got mutism, in which case, Alfred needs to check you out, or you're feeling down."

"I almost got provoked into a careless attack," said Robin. "I don't know why I keep making these mistakes."

"Just keep trying," said Batgirl. "You'll learn."

"I sure hope so," Robin said under his breath. "You won't tell Batman, will you? Because then I'd really get it."

"Cross my heart that I won't," Batgirl promised with a "pinky swear" gesture. "I've been chewed out by dad a lot of times. I get it." Robin sighed in relief.

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman opened the window of Commissioner James Gordon's office and crawled into it. "Any news?" asked Batman.

"You'd think after a year of this I'd be used to it," said Gordon, clutching his chest. "The Traylor crime family seems more tense."

"That's odd," said Batman. "Surely they know that with four other archcriminals free, we can't focus on them. Sounds like they may be preparing for a mob war."

"That had occurred to us," said Gordon. "The possibility of a long, bloody war between gangs is probably our greatest fear."

"Get more men," said Batman. "From the National Guard if you have to."

"Mayor Lindseed will never accept that there's a crisis of that magnitude until he has to," explained Gordon. "He knows that if people think there is, they'll lose confidence in him."

"He can't rise above being a politician?"

"Not in this lifetime."

"What about the other four? The Penguin, Riddler, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn?"

"You've heard about the escape of Query and Echo, the two ladies who used to work for The Riddler. I believe they're reunited. And that meanwhile, Quinn and Ivy are now partners. Ivy must be what satisfies Quinn's dependent personality disorder. Beyond that, nothing."

"They haven't made any moves?"

"If you're asking if they're taking their time so we have no intel on them, the answer is yes."

Batman thought. It wasn't right to hide what Gordon's own daughter was doing from him. "To tell you the truth..." Batman began before stopping.

"Yes?" asked Gordon.

"It's about your... daughter."

"I don't believe you've met her."

"I have. She's..." Batman's mouth suddenly stopped. What he was about to say seemed like justice and yet, Barbara's second life as Batgirl was important to her. Gordon would undoubtedly end it and all the future good Batgirl would have done if he knew the truth.

"Do you have something to say about her?" asked Gordon.

"She's... a promising young woman. She'll make you proud, Commissioner."

"I know."

_That's it. I've chosen to keep Barbara's secret from her father. Whoever said that the right thing to do was always easy to see hadn't been out in the world much._

**Alfred's perspective:**

Seeing Batman, Batgirl, and Robin talking after their separate city patrols, Alfred smiled. When he took this job at Wayne Manor several decades before, he couldn't know that helping heroes would one day be part of the job. He doubted he would have taken it if he'd known then, but now that he was part of this important team, he couldn't imagine a better life for himself!


	4. Is Justice Absolute?

**The Penguin's perspective:**

The Penguin and two men he hired the previous night were holding up the 3rd National Bank of Gotham. "I believe you dirty paupers know how this works," said the highborn once known as Ozwald Cobblepot. "Money from the bank is what we desire. Hand it over nice and quietly or it may be more than security that gets fired." Nobody in the room seemed to appreciate The Penguin's poetry, but then again, they were in no position to criticize.

Suddenly, The Penguin heard a hissing sound behind him. "Run, good colleagues," shouted Penguin as he ran as fast as his deformed body could take him. He avoided the Batgas but his men hadn't gotten the message and passed out. "Incompetent losers," Penguin complained as he looked around to spot The Batman and Robin in gas masks.

The Penguin pointed his umbrella gun at Batman's face only for Penguin to drop his Umbrella Gun as a Batarang struck his right wrist. It was Batgirl. "So it's to be three on one, is it?" asked Penguin. "You not the noble kind of heroes, are you?"

"Not exactly," corrected Batman. "You had men so it was technically even."

"Not our fault that you can't train people," taunted Robin.

"Being outnumbered is great until you're one who's outnumbered," Batgirl reminded Penguin of the broken-up Malevolent Seven that he had been a part of.

Penguin heard sirens in the distance. This wasn't a fight he could win. He used the Umbrella Copter that was still in his left hand to fly forward and push through Robin towards a window. Penguin used his right hand to shield his face and long nose from being cut as he broke through the window.

Once outside, Penguin Umbrella Coptered straight up. He saw Batman and Robin entering the Batmobile and Batgirl getting on the Batcycle. _Oh, no, old "friends." I'm not underestimating your ability to keep up like I did last year. _The Penguin flew away with the trio of costumed crimefighters following below until one building much taller than any nearby entered The Penguin's sight. He landed on it.

_That's right, Batman. Climb on up. Unfortunately for you, you have to use your grappling hook to get up, and that'll make a sound. Then I'll fly into you, causing you fall off, lose your grip on the rope, and make a mess down there!_

Suddenly, a pair of large arms encircled The Penguin's elbows and midsection. He was being painfully driven into the midsection of his assailant. "Hog?" wheezed Penguin. Becky "The Hog" Traylor used this move and called it The Hug. Was she taking revenge on The Penguin for shooting her?

"That's Becky 'The Hog' to you," a familiar Southern, feminine voice confirmed. The Penguin tried to take the air again, but immediately after reactivating his Umbrella Copter, The Hog kneed it out of Penguin's grip and it flew away by itself.

"Uh-uh-uh," chastised The Hog. "It ain't nice to take advantage of a lady like that. Or so Southern boys are taught, anyway." Seconds later, The Penguin screamed as one of his ribs broke at the rear.

"The breakin' of the Bird has begun," proclaimed The Hog. Sure enough, she managed to crush some fat and meat up front with her finger-locked hands up front, which were pulling back against The Penguin's large gut.

The Penguin had finally managed to get his hands free and reached back, but he had grown too weak to pull hard enough on The Hog's hair to matter. Finally, his spine snapped. He wanted to roar in pain but no longer had the strength. He was dropped on the ground.

"Broken," gloated The Hog. "That'll teach you to never screw with the Traylors." The Penguin thought he heard The Hog running towards the doorway leading to stairs down the building. But an inoperable and agonized lower body only allowed him to check and not follow. The Hog was gone.

As The Penguin finally heard a grappling hook hitting the top of the building, he passed out.

**Batman's perspective:**

Over the strong objections of Batgirl and Robin, Batman fired his Batgrapple to the top of the building first. He was prepared to have to move fast to avoid whatever attack The Penguin had planned. Batman was not prepared to see Penguin face-down and motionless. _What the Hell? Who the Hell?_

"Come up," called Batman. Up came his youthful cohorts.

"Oh my God," said Robin. "Somebody beat us to him."

"Is he you-know-what?" Asked Batgirl.

Batman checked the pulse. "No," he said. "But he needs medical attention. I need to call home." He drew out a cell phone with machinery and coding designed to shake off any trace and called Alfred.

"Yes, Master Bruce," said Alfred.

"Use the Batcomputer to find us and fly the Batplane over here right now," commanded Batman. "A life is at stake."

"Yes, Sir. Alfred out."

"Batplane?" asked Robin.

"Been working on it for months," explained Batman. "I was going to surprise you."

"As long as we're waiting," said Batgirl, "Who did this?"

"I have an idea of who," Batman pondered. "But I need a little more to go on."

**Commissioner Gordon's perspective:**

The Penguin was in the infirmary. Now the question was who assaulted him.

"The Penguin's gonna make it," said a police doctor. "That's nice," Gordon said half-heartedly. "You're dismissed." The doctor left.

Gordon turned to the other high-ranking officers in the room: Lieutenant Marc Freeman, Detective Harvey Bullock, and Sargeant Renee Montoya.

"Any leads?" asked Gordon.

"No," said Freeman. "Whoever it was planned this perfectly and left no evidence."

"When evidence fails, good instinct prevails," suggested Bullock. "I can tell ya who done it. It's the Traylor bitch."

"I thought we agreed that this was only a hunch," Montoya cautioned Bullock.

"We got all we need," insisted Bullock. "First of all, big nose is a really strong guy. Slow and clumsy, but witnesses to his battles with the Bat-Freak say he's the stronger one."

"That narrows it down a bit," realized Freeman. "Good deductive reasoning, Bullock."

"If you're already impressed, I should be the one givin' you orders," grinned Bullock. Montoya and Gordon chuckled. Freeman did not. "Montoya an' I looked deep inta this. There ain't a hundred folks who got a chance in Hell o' rippin' The Penguin apart with their bare hands. The Hog's one of 'em."

"That still leaves plenty of suspects," pointed out Freeman.

Gordon sensed that Freeman had taken Bullock's joke about gunning for Freeman's job seriously, probably not without reason. "Focus on business, not the next chain of command," Gordon tried to set everyone straight.

"It just so happens that The Hog is injured, thanks to Penguin," added Montoya. "Shot 'er in the leg when her alleged alliance with The Malevolent Seven went awry."

"Killer Croc is another suspect," admitted Bullock. "The Penguin lost money to him and hated payin' up. But he's in the clink. Couldn't have been him."

"Then we have both evidence and motive against her," realized Freeman.

"Mm-hmm," said Bullock with glee. "An' I plan to show the sorry fat bitch that she can't throw off a fat bastard like me fer long!"

"Montoya, Bullock," ordered Gordon with glee, "Bring her in for questioning. If she can't give us an equally convincing suspect, book her!"

"Pleasure'll be all mine," said Bullock.

**The Hog's perspective:**

Becky "The Hog" Traylor was doing paperwork in her office at the family-owned restaurant, Country Buffet, when her accountant and lawyer, Yuji Takahan, barged in. "Mrs. Traylor," said an anxious Yuji, "It's the cops. Looks like you're under arrest."

"Is that all?" asked a bored Hog. This had happened no less than four times in the past year. "Ah don't know why you give a shit, Yuji. They won't break me at the station and Ah'll be out by sunrise. Ah always am."

"But they seem so sure."

"Whatever. They ain't really sure of nothin' but burgers and donuts."

The Hog walked down the stairs, helping her bad leg with a cane that she had upgraded to from a crutch four days before. "My dear friends," she said sarcastically. "Fat boy and the easily dominated bitch of the Dominican Republic."

"Insult us all you want," grinned Bullock. "We're winnin' what matters."

"If you ain't got a warrant," said The Hog in a threatening tone, "You better order a meal this time. You're in lawsuit country as it is."

"What we have," said Montoya proudly, "Is a crippling of The Penguin with bare hands and you being the only one with motive and the ability to do it."

The Hog laughed. "That's it, huh? Look at me. Ah got a bad leg and you say Ah crippled one of the most dangerous men in town?"

"You don't need your legs to pull this off," said Bullock. "We're goin' downtown."

"C'mon, Yuji," said The Hog. "We gotta stop this madness again." But this time, it would prove to not be that easy. The Hog was not cleared the following morning in court. She was indicted at the preliminary hearing. She did, however, succeed in getting bail.

"Half a million for bail?" asked The Hog's Brother, Al, on the ride back to Country Buffet. "That'll set 'cha back."

"Not after Ah sue the bitches and their sons," said The Hog. "Ah ain't takin' no shit from 'em anymore."

"First things first," said Yuji. "We need a dismissal, acquittal, or hung jury with no hope of anything different on retrial. I don't see any sticking evidence _yet_, but I'll be in touch with Bullock and Montoya's investigation. You're sure you didn't attack him?"

"Does everybody have to ask me that stupid question?" sighed The Hog.

"Sorry."

"Al," said The Hog. "Ah ain't allowed to do business till my innocence has been proven. You're in charge."

"Ah won't disappoint you, sis."

"See that you don't."

**Bruce's perspective:**

Before Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon, and Dick Grayson were ready to suit up that night. First, Bruce said, "Before we go out, I want to talk about The Penguin and Hog."

"All's well that ends well," pounded Dick. "What we couldn't do, her short-sighted temper did for us."

"That's just it," said Bruce. "She may not the most educated lady in the world, but Becky "The Hog" Traylor, is extremely intuitive. Yet everything points to her. She isn't that stupid."

"Speaking of education," said Barbara, "I think you're overthinking this. It's not stupidity. It's arrogance. She's been slipping through our fingers for so long that she probably thinks she's untouchable. That's why she went after The Penguin herself with a motive. It wouldn't be the first time a criminal mastermind thought it couldn't happen to them until it finally did. I'm the daughter of the Police Commissioner. I know what I'm talking about."

"That doesn't sound like The Hog I know," disagreed a skeptical Bruce. "But there's not much we can do about it from here. This is in the court's hands."

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog was staying at her home since she wasn't allowed to do business anymore. Yuji had visited her as they mapped out their strategy.

"They're working on The Penguin," said Yuji. "Let's hope he can testify so I can squeeze out the truth on cross. You don't seem entirely sad about what happened to him."

"Uh-uh," smirked The Hog. "If Ah weren't the #1 suspect, Ah'd break out the beer!"

Yuji chuckled upon hearing that. "Without his testimony, the evidence is purely circumstantial and statistical. I like our chances. Just to be sure, let's see if we can't move this thing back home. If we do, you need to put on the best wounded Southerner act you can. I want them to see a woman the North blames for all of its problems."

"Oh after fightin' Yankees for years, Ah can do that," promised The Hog.

The next morning, Judge Robert Patkinson was hearing the request for a change of venue. "This is chutzpah," he said.

"Not at all," said Yuji. "Look at statistics. Demographic differences between the jury and defendant have strong bearing on the verdict."

"Does the defense have any evidence that Mrs. Traylor is being treated unfairly because of where she's from?" demanded Patricia Franklyn.

"Yes," Yuji said immediately. "For decades, the suspected mob unions remained unknown. Then came a reasonably successful Southern family business. In an 'amazing' coincidence, this family is suspected of being one of the unions. Still can't find anyone else. My client in on trial for the fifth time. She was recently linked by the police to a breakout of no less than seven archcriminals. All this is just too perfect."

"I think we know where this is going," said Franklyn. "It's obvious that the only goal of this proposed change of venue is jurist prejudice."

"It's come to my attention," said Yuji, "That with crime rates always high in Gotham City, judges don't win re-election as easily as in other cities. If Southern heritage groups had motivation to invest in challengers so the incumbents' fundraising advantage would be null, all bets..."

"Objection," Franklyn exercised her rights as a prosecuting attorney. "Politics have no place here."

"That wasn't a threat," said Yuji, though The Hog knew that it was a lie. "Just a random tangent."

"If politics aren't allowed here," asked a suspicious Franklyn, "Why would tangents be?"

"Objection sustained," Patkinson quickly said. "I'll allow the change if Mr. Takahan agrees with my ruling that the next judge must call in at least three jurors born states due north of the Mason-Dixon line for jury selection."

"Done," said Yuji. The Hog liked this arrangement. It was one that had her sitting pretty, but that many people would find to be a reasonable compromise.

"Please, your honor," tried Franklyn. "Don't do this. Don't open the door to jury nullification because justice is sometimes controver..."

"If I hear one more word about this," snapped Patkinson, "Someone's going to spend the weekend behind bars." Franklyn shut up.

"The change of venue is made." Patkinson banged his gavel.

"Nice try, Takahan," said Franklyn after she, Yuji, and The Hog left the Patkinson's chambers, "But all clues still point to your client. "Make it easy on her and take aggravated assault. All I want in return is her cooperation in the war on crime."

"Ah ain't betrayin' my family," said The Hog. "Wouldn't matter if you got me for murder one."

"Then do call when I'm a retiree in Florida," said Franklyn.

"Your bluffs don't scare us," grinned Yuji. "You call all the good ol' boys in South Carolina. See if they think you'd bring down a Southerner in your midst. One out of eleven. That's all we need."

"You're not supposed to handle trials outside of this city anyway," The Hog reminded Franklyn. Franklyn knew she couldn't challenge that and left. "C'mon, Yuji," said The Hog. "First, a get-together with the family. Then we fly home to a jury of my peers. That's how you put it, ain't it?"

**Bruce's perspective:**

Eight days later, Bruce Wayne was streaming the trial on his phone at work. Since his public image was that of a playboy, watching what most viewed as tabloid fluff would be good for his cover. But Batman had a vested interest in the fate of The Hog. If she was convicted, her family was finished. GCPD intelligence indicated that rival organizations were financially attacking the assets of the Traylors and Al seemed powerless to stop it so far. The family business was set to lose seven hundred grand through the next financial quarter. _Now I see why the late patriarch, no advocate of women's rights to put it lightly, didn't follow the tradition of leaving everything to the son or brother._

So why was Bruce uneasy about this? One of the most dangerous people in Gotham was about to be wiped out. Why was Bruce looking a gift horse in the mouth?

The Penguin was wheeled into the courtroom by a bailiff. Whether Penguin could testify through numerous internal injuries had been a question until 5:43 that morning. He still couldn't walk. He had to be carried onto the witness stand, although he did look well enough to talk.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?" asked Martin LePage, the Judge.

When The Hog's trial was moved to South Carolina, bringing her to justice became the responsibility of its State Attorney's Office. One of its prosecutors, Ralph Parker, had been assigned to the case. He had a professional but Southern working class feel about him. "What is your name?" he asked.

"Ozwald Chesterfield Cobblepot," answered The Penguin. "Most call me The Penguin."

"Why do they call you The Penguin?" asked Ralph.

"Objection," said Yuji. "This is irrelevant to the case." Bruce saw what was going on. Parker was putting together the framework to go through the question of an archcriminal's credibility _his _way. Yuji wanted to grandstand about it without the issue of it being old news. That meant prevented Parker from asking certain questions.

"Sustained," said LePage.

"Did you shoot the defendant weeks before your injury?" asked Ralph.

"Objection," Yuji again tried to keep the knife from turning into a poker.

"Overruled." Bruce could read lips well enough to catch Yuji whispering, "I tried" to The Hog.

"Is there anyone in the greater Gotham area other than the defendant who could've crippled you?" asked Parker. _Risky question. But then again, Parker doesn't fit the profile of a lawyer incompetent enough to not interview his witnesses._

"Only one," said The Penguin. "Killer Croc."

"For the record," Ralph now spoke to the entire court, "Mr. Waylon Jones, or Killer Croc as Mr. Cobblepot put it, was in Arkham Asylum through all this." Parker returned to his bench and picked up some pieces of paper. "This Arkham records from the day of the attempted murder prove it. Ah would like them entered into evidence, eliminating Mr. Jones as a suspect."

"They'll have to go through the usual procedure," said Judge LePage, "But I'll see what I can do." Which Bruce figured would be plenty.

"Did Mrs Traylor try to kill you?"

"Yes."

"How did you know it was her?"

"She had that stupid accent of this part of the country. N-not that you Southerners are anything but a decent, hardworking people."

"Of course we are," Ralph was clearly holding back anger. If even he was offended, The Hog might have a shot at a nullified jury.

In time, Ralph concluded the direct examination. "Your witness," he smiled at Yuji, knowing that The Penguin's testimony fingered The Hog as the attacker.

"Mr. Cobblepot," said Yuji. "Is it not true that you are a murderer?"

"Objection, approach," Ralph stopped Penguin from answering. Both lawyers moved towards Judge LePage's stand to speak quietly. Bruce continued lip-reading so he still detect what was being said.

"Your honor," whispered Ralph, "Mr. Takahan is trying to impeach the witness' credibility with murders committed last year that he was exonerated of. The jury can't hear..."

"It was a hung jury," Yuji reminded Parker and LePage.

"And the Gotham DA's office dropped the case," said Ralph. Bruce couldn't help but notice that Parker hadn't mentioned that the hung jury had been controversial and rightfully so. "Don't split hairs," continued Ralph. "If Ah lose because of crimes for which Mr. Cobblepot is innocent under the law, his honor hasn't heard the last on this from my office."

"Objection sustained," whispered LePage. "We'll hear no more about this or I'll declare a mistrial and fine the defense twelve hundred dollars."

Deprived of his best weapon against The Penguin, Yuji had little to say.

**Batman's perspective:**

After The Terrific Trio had foiled three crimes - a rape, knife assault, and armed robbery, Batgirl finally hit Batman with it: "What's eatin' you?"

"He's been watching The Hog's trial," explained Robin.

"Not exactly," corrected Batman. "I've been watching The Hog. Her expressions reveal a woman who doesn't fully realize what's going on. And believe me, I'm not so easily fooled."

"She's got motive, one of the only people capable of doing this, and the victim's pointed her out," reasoned Batgirl. "What more do you need?"

"To get rid of this sinking feeling," answered Batman.

"He's stubborn," explained Robin.

"Most brilliant men are," said Batgirl.

"Wait a minute," said Robin. "Are you saying something about me that I'm not stubborn?"

"Well, no..." began Batgirl. "Maybe sort of... but the thing is... I'm not saying you're dumb or a bad crimefighter. It's just..."

Suddenly an alarm went off. Batgirl had been saved by the bell.

**The Hog's perspective:**

"Ah'm new at this," pleaded Al over the phone. "Ah've had to learn concepts that Ah didn't know existed."

"Ah am sick and tired of your excuses, not-so-big brother," said The Hog. "Papa would be pissed at you right now! 'You ain't too big to be sent to bed without supper.'"

"He'd say that, but do you gotta rub it in?"

"Hate hearin' this? Good! Maybe now you got the motivation to get it right. 'Sides, forgiveness is a luxury Ah can't afford right now. Relations with almost every other mob union is hostile. This is the worst time to be losin' money. Find out who's hittin' our assets and be quick about it!"

"Ah'm workin' on it."

"Don't work on it. Do it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you 'yeah' me, big brother. Ah love you more than anybody but my children, but if Ah get off and find that you ain't made no progress Ah'm gonna kill you!" The Hog ended the call. That chances that she would kill Al were low at best, but he needed tough love.

"The kids better grow up fast," said The Hog to Yuji. "Al ain't up to this. How bad is our situation?"

"Not as bad as it looks," said Yuji. "I know how to read a jury. It was offended when The Penguin insulted the people of this state. I think I can get a holdout or two."

"Fight for acquittal," demanded The Hog. "Ah want to be back in Gotham as soon as possible. How the Hell is it that he can keep that huntin' rifle of his in perfect condition and can recall every South Carolina football highlight in school history but apparently can't even grasp supply and demand?"

"Got me," confessed Yuji.

**Yuji's perspective:**

Two mornings later, Yuji, having heard Ralph Parker's closing arguments, made his own. Parker had dramatically repeated the facts and testimony marking The Hog as an attempted murderess. _Time for a little game of jury nullification._

"Some people want to point the finger at those they were raised to hate and undermine," said Yuji. "The War Between the States, as many of us who call the South home refer to the American Civil War, was the bloodiest war for this country in its history! It left scars that still haven't been healed. After so many years of being economically punished for losing a war, the South has risen again. We have financial powerhouses and many a Northerner has decided that these powerhouses are where they want to live. Those who stay up there through thick and thin are embittered that anybody wouldn't want to live in the North. Well, that's just too bad!

"Now we have a situation where a Northeastern metropolis, Gotham City, can't find its biggest mobs. Predictably, they point the finger at the restaurant owners who forgot that they're not 'supposed' to come to the North and still act Southern. They can't find a speck of evidence against their own people but they found a mountain of evidence against one of ours. How curious!

"I know there are people on the jury who don't see eye-to-eye with people like my client, culturally speaking. As a Japanese-American, I don't either. But don't think for one second that you're not being targeted. After all who play banjos and eat grits have been dealt with, the repo man is coming to your door. We're in the way of the dominance that the North once enjoyed.

"I implore you. Let it be known that you can't push the South around. Not anymore."

Yuji was pleased. Nine out of twelve jurors were moved. Deliberation would take care of the the last three. "Congratulations," he said to The Hog.

**Ralph Parker's perspective:**

Ralph was facing the jury to give his rebuttal. Since the prosecution has the burden of proof, he was allowed an additional argument. The jury seemed convinced of what Takahan had said, but Ralph wasn't sunk yet. Not when he knew exactly how to talk to Southerners.

"Justice is a universal term," said Ralph. "But to people like me, it's more universal than to others."

"Mr. Takahan said, 'Some people want to point the finger.' But there's nowhere else to point. Ah put on a bulletproof case. There was hardly anybody else in Gotham physically capable of doing this deed; nobody else with any motive to do it; and the victim recognized the voice of this defendant." Ralph pointed at The Hog.

"A bulletproof case. Yet Ah watched local TV last night and discovered that most of their so-called 'experts' who think they know simple, hardworking, God-fearing people of the country, say the odds are that Ah'll lose." Ralph chuckled to make the point.

"Ah don't think so. Regardless of what eggheads say, you won't let prejudice influence you. The '60's ended a long time ago. You know what the facts are. Nothing he said about differences can change things. Not to you.

"Mr. Takahan is right about one thing, though. We can let something be known like he said. Not that the South can't be pushed around. As he said, we're becoming more economically strong. We could push others around if that was how we treat people South of the Mason-Dixon. But it's not.

"There is one of two things we can let be known. One is that we have no problem with heinous crimes as long as they are committed against folks who aren't from around here. But Ah know that you will let the other thing be known. We are Southerners. We are patriotic and loyal. And as the pledge we have made to this country says, we aspire to liberty and justice for all. For all. And you know what that means.

"No matter what Mr. Takahan said to scare you, he couldn't alter the fact that his client crippled and tried to kill Mr. Cobblepot. Ah repeat: she tried to kill Mr. Cobblepot. 'He's weird' didn't work for me when I was a boy and it certainly won't work for a grown woman doing far worse than pulling a prank.

"Ah don't ask you to accept Mr. Cobblepot's unflattering opinion of us. Ah ask you to acknowledge that attempted murder is a serious crime for which there must be punishment. The mafia infested the North because some there decided that some crimes are OK. Ah plead with you to not let that happen here. You've been a wonderful jury. Ah know you'll do the right thing. Ah leave you to your deliberations."

Ralph thought he'd made a great speech. He hoped it was enough.

**Bruce's perspective:**

Bruce was watching the trial for the last time. He wasn't alone. An employee told him that this was poised to break many records for viewership in Gotham City.

"We find the defendant, Rebecca Traylor..." began the jury foreman. "...Guilty as charged." Bruce was surprised. He thought for sure that Yuji's closing arguments had manipulated the jury. Apparently, Ralph really knew how to talk to Southerners.

"Mrs. Traylor," said Judge LePage, "You stand convicted of attempted murder. You are hereby sentenced to fifteen years of confinement. Court is adjourned."

Bruce almost smiled. One of the greatest threats to Gotham City was gone. Her brother was running their mob into the ground. And the jury deserved credit. It hadn't been misled.

There was just one problem: Bruce didn't think The Hog did it.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog was speaking to Yuji for one last time before going to prison. "You said we'd won," said The Hog.

"I was wrong," said Yuji. "I'm sorry, Becky. I guess Parker's self-righteous speech turned that jury around." The Hog saw that Yuji felt awful about losing this case.

"You did you best, family friend," The Hog consoled Yuji. "But now you better forget about me. Looks like Ah'm gonna be locked up for a long time. Help my brother run the family business. That's what's important. Ah'll be back for it in fifteen years if Al hasn't lost it by then."

**Batman's perspective:**

"Can you patrol by yourself?" asked Batman to Batgirl.

"Yeah," said Batgirl.

"Why does she has to do this?" asked Robin. "Are we leaving town?"

"He really doesn't think The Hog did it. He told me this on the way out of work."

"She didn't," said Batman.

"You know," said Robin, "I always thought that despite her unattractive appearance, you were kind of sweet on her."

"I am not sweet on her," insisted Batman. "I just want to be sure. Batgirl, we'll go to your father's office to see if he can help with this. We'll catch up later."

After a drive into Gotham City, Batman and Robin entered Gordon's office through his window. "What can I do for you uninvited guests?" asked Gordon. "I mean that affectionately."

"The Hog didn't do it. She had nothing to do with the assault on The Penguin."

"I'm surprised to hear you saw this," said Gordon. "Haven't you seen the evidence?"

"Don't look at me," Robin tried to wipe his hands of this. "I'm just the sidekick."

"This was too easy," explained Batman. "She wouldn't have taken the chance that we're to believe lead to her downfall. And I can read people. She doesn't seem to remember doing it."

"Don't get me wrong," said Gordon. "If you think she didn't, I've at least got second thoughts. But she's deserved it a hundred times before. This is a once-in-a-lifetime exception that I for one am willing to make."

"That's not justice," said Batman. "You know it's not. Furthermore, there's an attempted murderer out there. The real one. I have no intention on letting him get away with it."

"You're right at usual," said Gordon. "I'll have this looked into tomorrow."

Batman could tell from the tone that it this wasn't going to be much of an investigation. "Thank you," he said to be polite. It was time to patrol, then do what Gordon was refusing to do.

**The Hog's perspective:**

On her first day at Charleston Penitentiary For Women, The Hog was eating lunch when she heard pounding on the table and looked around. She was surrounded by five other inmates. Three were in front of the table, two next to her. The Hog stood up.

"Hi," said the one directly in front of her. "Ah'm Lindy."

"Sherry," said the one to the left of Lindy.

"Tammy," said the one to the right of Lindy.

"Medisia" said the one to The Hog's right.

"Stacey," said the one to The Hog's left.

"What do you want with me?" asked The Hog. These women didn't seem remotely friendly.

"You may not remember since you went to one o' those big cities up north and probably think you're good for the likes of us," said Lindy. "But you used to sell guns illegally here. That's what we're here about. My husband killed himself with the gun you sold him because he was on meth."

"My brother was shot by a mugger who bought his gun from you," said Sherry.

"My brother died because he missed the beer bottle he was shootin' at and hit a lady," said Tammy.

"My son got killed in a school shooting," said Medisia. "Thanks to your guns."

"My husband got drunk and started a bar fight with a gun," said Stacey. "He was shot by a security guard."

"Why are you here?" asked The Hog.

"We were driven by what happened to our men to go postal," explained Lindy. "We've dreamed of a member of your evil family comin' in here with us, and now the big day has come!"

"Sounds like your men were irresponsible," said The Hog.

"Only because you enabled them to buy guns irresponsibly," said Stacey.

The Hog got a sense that reason wasn't making these women back down. "Believe that if you wish," said The Hog. "Here's the bottom line. My fat ass may not look like it, but Ah'm an action girl out of the movies your men watched before their stupidity did away with 'em. You're fixin' to get hurt real badly."

"I don't think you can take all five of us, overweight bitch," challenged Mudisia.

"No," said The Hog. "Ah could take thirty of you."

Medisia and Stacey each punched the opposite cheek of The Hog. All five attackers froze upon seeing that the punches barely even made The Hog flinch. She seized Medisia and Stacey by the hair and slammed their heads together; they fell, moaning in pain.

The Hog picked up her chair and swung it, knocking down her three remaining attackers. Looking around, The Hog saw that these ladies, lying in agony, looked even more hurt emotionally than physically.

"Kill us," pleaded an ashamed Lindy. "We got nothin' to live for anymore."

"Ah'd rather be a free woman in fifteen years," said The Hog. "Sorry."

"Break it up," demanded three security guards. The Hog allowed them to escort them to her cell.

"Don't worry," The Hog called on her way back. "Ah'm sure wherever your men are, they forgive you for failin' them so miserably!"

The Hog was returned to her cell. It was no ordinary cell. It had a couch, comfortable bed, TV, and cable.

"You there," The Hog pointed to one remarkably young guard. "Ah want a word with you. The others can go."

This guard seemed surprised when the other two guards left without objection. _He don't know how things work. Time to educate the boy._

"You look good with your hands," said The Hog, taking off her shoes and getting in bed. "What's your name?"

"Lance."

"Well, Lance. Let's see just how good you are with those hands. Relax, Ah ain't that bad a girl. Just massage my feet. That's it."

"That ain't what Ah expected, but it still ain't appropriate."

"You're younger than you look. Look at this cell. Do you think Ah got this by chance? You ain't never climbin' the ladder if you don't learn more about the world than this."

Lance sighed and started working on The Hog's feet.

"Ah..." The Hog approved of Lance's work. "Good choice. If I gotta future, so do you, boy."

**Batman's perspective:**

A commercial flight from Gotham to South Carolina took a couple hours. The Batplane did it in forty-nine minutes. As it flew over the state, Batman told Robin, "You're usually talking my ear off, but today you haven't said three words."

"Why are we trying to spring The Godmother?" asked Robin.

"Let's get one thing straight," Batman clarified. "We're not springing The Hog. We're trying to find The Penguin's true attacker. The Hog's release will be a bonus. And even then, it's not us. It's the authorities of South Carolina."

"Why should we go to such lengths for her?" asked Robin.

"Because justice demands it," said Batman. He landed the Batplane a distance away. "Stand guard," he said.

Batman had looked up and memorized where The Hog's cell was. He Batgrappled up to the bar-sealed window of the cell and was face-to-face with The Hog.

"Come to gloat, Little Bat?" asked The Hog. "Or come to my rescue?"

"Neither as of yet," said Batman. "Do you have an idea who attacked The Penguin?"

"No," said The Hog. "Now answer my question, Little Bat. The last time we met, you practically said Ah was The Devil's wife. Now you don't seem to think Ah tried to kill The Penguin even though they got a lot on me. This wouldn't be personal, would it?" The Hog smiled.

"Your delusion aside," explained Batman, "The woman who kept a step ahead of me for so long wouldn't be caught that easily. Since you wouldn't have made these careless mistakes, it must have been someone else. Who?"

"You're great at hidin' your true feelins, Little Bat. No wonder Ah still don't know who you are... yet. It was probably another business that framed me. And, no, Ah ain't leakin' 'em. Ah ain't no stool pigeon."

"This is about your freedom."

"Riko Dimiquen. Yeah, he'd be the one who's the happiest about me bein' gone. He was probably involved. Find him and you might find your answer."

Batman went back to the Batplane. He finally had a name. He had Alfred research Dimiquen on the flight back to the manor. Upon landing in the Batcave, Batman and Robin turned to Alfred. "I have found exactly one Riko Dimiquen," said Alfred. "His home is on 358 Broadroad Street."

Batman then saw Barbara Gordon with a large bandage on her cheek. "What happened?" asked Batman.

"The Catwoman happened to me," said Barbara.

"Sure you're alright to continue?"

"Don't give her a 'You can't continue' speech," said Robin.

"Figured you'd take her side," said Batman. "Fine. A cut isn't that serious. But I'll need to look at any further injuries. Both of your nights are over. Mine has one more thing left."

Batman drove to 358 Broadroad Street. It was past one in the morning. Riko and his wife were asleep in bed. Batman shook Riko and he awakened in horror to discover Batman looking over him. "I want information," whispered Batman, not wanting to have to deal with more than one person if he didn't have to.

"I got plenty of answers," said the Russian gangster. Suddenly, Batman felt under his chin the barrel of a gun that Riko had drawn on him. Whether it was from the side table or Riko's person, Batman couldn't tell. ".45 caliber answers in fact," grinned Riko.

A jolt of Batman's right arm pulled Riko's hand away from his chin and the gunshot hit a wall. A twist with of the gun had Riko dropping the gun and his wife waking up and gasping.

"I think you'd better tell me what I want to know, Riko," said Batman, looking hard at Riko's wife.

"You wouldn't," insisted Riko.

_Maybe not, but he doesn't have to know that. _Batman smirked deathly.

Riko sighed. "I can't tell you anything that would incriminate my family."

"There's usually a middle ground," said Batman reluctantly.

"Bane."

"Who the Hell is Bane?"

"A really big guy from Santa Prisca. Wears a Mexican wrestling mask. Really big guy. I hired... he decided to frame Becky "The Hog" Traylor." Riko was clearly playing word games to avoid incriminating himself.

"Why?"

"Because The Hog is weak. She's had chances to kill you but wants you under her fat belly instead."

"So where is Bane?"

"Last I heard, he was whackin' the Mayor of Montreal."

"Pleasant dreams," said Batman, running and jumping out the window. He got in the Batmobile and drove away.

_Finally, everything makes sense! Mutual loathing between gangsters lead to a frame-up._

**Al Traylor's perspective:**

"We lost how much?" asked Al.

"Over a million now," confirmed Yuji.

"Ah just ain't good at business," Al had to admit. "Ah just hope either Ah can fix this or get killed within the next fifteen years. Or sis'll be the one who does me. After one Hell of a lecture."

**Batman's perspective:**

Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson had called in sick at Bruce's company and Dick's private school. They were suited up and flying to Montreal to catch Bane.

Before they left, Batgirl had included in her goodbye this statement: "You're still fighting for justice. That's worth something no matter what." Batman had been glad to hear that. Everyone else had been telling him that he was wrong to pursue an investigation that could very well put a deadly gangster back on the street.

In Montreal, Batman and Robin spent the rest of the day watching Mayor David Ford and took shifts watching him during the night while the other Caped Crusader slept. Sooner or later, Bane would try to kill him. Through the entirety of the next day, Bane still hadn't made his move.

"Still think Dimiquen wasn't lying his butt off?" asked Robin.

"Not yet, I don't," said Batman. "Hitmen are very patient and careful. He could just be biding his time." Sure enough, on the second night, with Batman and Robin waiting in the dark bedroom, a large man who looked to be 6'7 or 6'8 in height, over three hundred pounds in weight, used a glass cutter to extract some glass so as to open the locked window with the glass and enter the room. _It's got to be Bane!_

Suddenly, Bane stopped. _No, he can't see us in the dark. That's an ordinary Mexican wrestling mask he's wearing._ Bane fleeing and jumping out the window proved Batman wrong. Batman and Robin were in the dark on opposite sides of Ford's bed, so they couldn't immediately hurry. Too many things to possibly bump into. By the time they got out of the place, a car was speeding away.

"I've got this," said Batman, drawing his new Mini-Batjet. This required time to set up the built-in homing signal of the Batjet the size of a toy plane but more accurate and powerful than a Batarang. Finally, Batman launched it to give the escaping car a flat tire.

But when Batman and Robin entered the car, they saw nothing but a cinder block on the accelerator. "That hitman's as smart as he is big," admired Robin.

"Maybe not smart enough," hoped Batman as he ran to a manhole with Robin close behind. "I knew I checked this lid for a reason. It's been rotated since I last saw it. This is how Bane disappeared. Turn on your nightvision lenses. We're going in."

Batman and Robin descended into the sewer. Batman turned at the footsteps he was hearing. "It's over, Bane. We know you were the one who assaulted The Penguin."

"Excellent detective work, Batman," complimented Bane. "But as you Westerners say, ignorance is bliss." He pushed puttons on pads strapped to his forearms and liquid flowed through the tubes stretching from one arm to his back to the other arm. Soon enough, his arm and upper body muscles began bulging. "Leave or be broken."

"Break this," said Robin, charging.

"Robin, no!" but Batman's warnings fell on deaf ears. Robin's flying kick din't even budge Bane. He lifted Robin by the shoulders and headbutted him out.

"Your turn," said Bane, cracking his knuckles. It sounded like a hammer hitting a nail. Batman delivered a side kick to the midsection and backed away, avoiding a punch. As he expected, the kick hadn't hurt Bane. No matter; slowly whittling Bane down was his strategy.

As Batman moved in for another quick attack, Bane's long right arm knocked him over. Batman was lifted above Bane's head, spun around a few times, and thrown into a wall. Batman had to shake his head to get the cobwebs out. _So much for that strategy._

This may have been Batman's most dangerous opponent yet. Bane had the strength of Killer Croc, the craftiness of The Joker, and the fighting skills of The Catwoman. Batman was in trouble. He dived out of the way of a bull charge and Bane hit the wall. _At least he's not agile as well_.

Seizing on the opportunity, Batman hopped onto Bane's shoulders, raining punches onto his head. Bane seemed to be about to fall when he grabbed Batman's legs and slammed him face-first into the ground three times before Batman got a leg loose and kicked Bane's face to force him to let go.

Batman was slow to get up. He blocked a punch that made his left foreman feel a little sore. Then another punch. An angry Bane kept punching more and more. Even blocking these punches hurt, but Batman had to keep it up. Stick and move hadn't hurt him; neither had a quick onslaught. Maybe, just maybe, letting Bane over-punch would work. There was a chance that all that extra muscle could tire Bane out faster.

After Batman had blocked his twenty-second punch in a row, his arms were about to give out when he noticed Bane slowing down. To test that, Batman side kicked Bane's midsection. This time, he backed up a few steps. A high snap kick to the face knocked Bane over. Even better, he was slow to get up. _It worked. He's exhausted._

"You were in too much of a rush for power," lectured Batman. "In the end, it's not how hard you hit. It's about how much you yourself can withstand."

"Break you," promised Bane, charging, slower than ever. Batman beat him to the punch with a roundhouse kick that knocked him down again. As Bane got up to a knee, Batman delivered a flying kick that ended the battle. Once again, The Dark Knight had prevailed.

Batman shook Robin to wake him up. "He's beat," said Batman.

Robin hesitated to smile. "Guess they're gonna have to let The Hog go," he said.

"First things first," said Batman. "We need to sedate him at the Batplane. One dance with him was enough."

**Commissoner Gordon's perspective:**

Upon Batman and Robin bringing a large hitman known as Bane to the roof of GCPD HQ, Gordon had his best officers join him. "You gonna come clean?" asked Detective Harvey Bullock.

"I know the difference between your prisons and those of my homeland," said Bane. "I assaulted that stereotypically overweight American that you name after flightless birds."

"Take him away, Montoya," said Bullock. Sergeant Renee Montoya did so.

"I'll help with the plea bargaining," promised Lieutenant Marc Freeman.

"Why'd you do it?" asked Bullock. "You shoulda let sleepin' dogs lie."

"You know we couldn't do that," said Batman.

"Bullock, don't," Gordon tried to stop his Detective.

"No, Commish," shouted Bullock. "He needs to hear this." He now faced Batman again. "You realize what's gonna happen now, right? The Southerners are gonna hear Bane confess. That means they gotta let The Hog go and she returns to power."

"You're on your own," said Gordon to Batman.

"Same here," seconded Robin.

"The kid gets it," said Bullock. "Why can't you."

"Am I the only one who gives a damn about justice?" asked Batman. "Detective, injustice is what allows people like The Hog to thrive. I don't want to decide which injustices happen and which don't. I want to stop them all from happening."

"She's gonna start a gang war," said Bullock. "An' you're gonna be responsible fer every death that war causes."

Batman didn't answer. He and Robin left. Batman truly hoped that he had done the right thing. It _felt _right, at least.

**The Hog's perspective:**

The following afternoon, The Hog got off her plane to find her people waiting for her. "Home again, home again, jiggity-jig," The Hog held out her arms for a group hug. "That's to show Ah missed you all." She slapped Al across the face. "That's for nearly puttin' us outta business."

"Ah deserve that," admitted Al.

Fortunately, it took only hours to smooth out the rough spots that Al had allowed to appear in the family business. The Hog hadn't been able to prove that the Dimiquens were responsible, but they were going to regret it.

"Welcome home," said a harsh voice. The Hog turned to where the voice was coming from and smiled at Batman.

"Ah don't know how quite to thank you, Little Bat," said The Hog. "If you hadn't found Bane..."

"Don't play the grateful, rescued princess," said Batman. "It wasn't for you."

"Why do Ah doubt that? Could it be that you had to leave town? Or the arguments you've been getting into with the kids and cops."

"How do you know about that?"

"If you want an answer, Ah hope you're ready to bust a cow herd's worth of cops." She moved in close to Batman, still smiling. "Ah rather doubt you'd go to all this trouble for nothin'." she leaned in.

A gloved index finger stopped The Hog's lips inches from Batman's. "Don't let it go to your head," he said.


	5. A Ladies' Quarrel

Notes: This chapter takes place in the late part of previous one. It's Batgirl patrolling Gotham while Batman and Robin are out of town on another case. Also, I should point out that as these are out of continuity stories I'm creating with two (so far) fics, I took the liberty of making Catwoman black. You may disagree, but at least there is precedent, what with Eartha Kitt and Halle Berry having played the character.

**Batgirl's perspective:**

The Batgirl was on a rooftop when she heard a shot. She looked and saw two men pointing their guns at a couple in a car. _Yep, definitely time for The Dark Lady to step in._

She Batgrappled down to the ground and charged, throwing two Batarangs at her opponents to disarm them and delivering a flying kick to one of them, knocking him down. She ducked the punch of the other and started kicking his left ankle and shin. Batgirl knew that as a girl and not even a particularly big one, she had to avoid taking too many hits from men and capitalize on her speed. It worked; targeting the meatless part of the leg had the mugger falling in pain.

By now the other criminal was standing up. Batgirl spun around a few times to tag him with three back-handed punches and a roundhouse kick that turned out his lights.

A father, mother, and daughter came out. "I wanna be like you when I grow up," said the daughter.

"I'm not really grown up," said Batgirl. She saw the father picking up his phone and calling the police. Saved Batgirl some trouble.

"Thanks," said the mother.

"He's too embarrassed about being rescued by a girl to thank me himself, isn't he?" whispered Batgirl. The mother nodded. "Don't worry. I'm used to that." With that, Batgirl used her Batgrapple to get back up to the rooftops and returned to the Batmobile. She pressed her boot on the accelerator and looked at the clock.

Batgirl was a wolf who was tired of catching rodents. She smiled at the clock. It was time to go after a deer.

**The Riddler's perspective:**

The Malevolent Seven were disbanded. _Good! They were nutcases. A criminal genius like myself is too good for nutcases. But Batman has an entire team now. The Batgirl, Robin, and sometimes Catwoman and Huntress._

The Riddler had sprung his usual female accomplices, the blonde Query, and Chinese Echo, days before. But The Riddler felt as though he still needed more help, so he was in a bar talking to two men, Nash and Howie.

"We're robbing a bank tomorrow," said The Riddler.

"One thing," said Nash. "The riddles. If the cops don't figure 'em out, The Batman will."

"I've always wanted to catch him anyway," said Howie. "I'm in."

"Don't worry," said Query. "We've come close before. With two more on our side, we'll get 'em."

"Before her," seconded Echo. "We've got a score to settle."

"I'm outvoted," admitted Nash. "Guess you got your gang, Riddler."

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl was hiding in wait on a rooftop not far from Lillany's, a jewelry store. Information that she, Batman, and Robin had squeezed out of people told Batgirl that The Catwoman was going to rob this place. Sure enough, she entered with a bag and left with the bag looking much heavier. Catwoman looked around, then fixed her eyes on Batgirl. _Oh, shit! She saw me._ Catwoman took off running. _Oh no you don't. I'm gonna do what Batman couldn't or wouldn't do last year._

Batgirl swung on her Batgrapple. This didn't quite close the distance, so she gave the rope an agile pull to get the grappling hook off the rooftop that it was hooked onto. As the grappling hook was retracting, Batgirl spread out her cape to slow the descent enough to keep from building enough momentum for a sudden end to the fall from hurting her, then grappled onto a windowsill. This time, she delivered a swinging kick to Catwoman that knocked her a distance away and down.

"It's been too long, honey," said Catwoman, getting up and turning around. A smile became a frown. "You're not him."

"No, I'm not," said Batgirl.

"I'd heard that he'd added you to his team," said Catwoman. "Never thought he'd send a second-stringer after me. I feel insulted. And a little hurt. Is he that afraid of his feelings for me?"

"You're insulted?" asked Batgirl. "I was doing for months by myself. But I know what else you're saying. Like a lot of guys, he favors bad girls for some reason. A lot of available women and you're the winner. That's why he hasn't caught you yet. Unfortunately for you, you can't charm your way out of this. I prefer lean and fresh-faced guys."

Catwoman ran. "You're not going anywhere," Batgirl gave pusuit. Just as Catwoman would have turned to enter a nearby alley, Batgirl tackled her, only for Catwoman to literally roll with it and cause Batgirl to lose her grip.

"You're faster than Batman," admitted Catwoman. "I'll give you that. But I'd have never shook him off that easy, nor would his ambush have been so easily spotted. Go home, kid. I don't want a rep for beating on children."

Batgirl ran at Catwoman, determined to prove her wrong. A side kick to the hip was blocked by Catwoman. So was a right cross to the face. A left body blow and knee strike to the face downed Catwoman. Batgirl leaped and somersaulted to get as high as she could and to build power and height before attempting to stomp the head of Catwoman. Instead, she log rolled away. _Guess I should've softened her up more before I tried to maximize the power of these blows._

Batgirl's youth let her keep the initiative, and she used it to perform a flying kick just as Catwoman got up. Catwoman's experience still enabled her to see it coming soon enough to bend over backwards just in time to avoid it. A whip looped around Batgirl's right foot and she was swung around, her gut colliding with a mail-in box. Batgirl grunted. Without her new, armored Batsuit, ribs would have been broken, but she couldn't take much more of this. It was Batgrapple time.

Catwoman ran and dragged Batgirl into an alley. "You want into my league, little girl?" taunted Catwoman. "You got it!" she lashed out, launching Batgirl face-first into a trash can. She couldn't take many more hits like that. "Had enough?"

"Bring it up, bitch," said Batgirl, Batgrappling up high. Catwoman was dragged up with her. The two masked females were far above ground, and Batgirl had the way down. "The tables have turned again. And this will be the last time, stray cat."

"Batman never gloated."

"I'm not Batman. I know the value of fun."

"Never thought I'd miss how lame he is."

"As much I love chatting, Cats, enough. You can either unmask and surrender or you can take a spill. The choice is yours."

"Batman wouldn't approve of killing anyone," Catwoman reminded Batgirl, "Let alone me."

"I know he's got a very male vulnerability to untrustworthy girls with looks. He'll get over it. This won't kill you, but you might never be the same. Be reasonable."

"Kid, you don't know me very well, do you?" No sooner had Catwoman said that when she was swinging on her whip, releasing it, and riding her momentum to an adjacent windowsill. She dropped down and gripped another with her claws. then another and another until she was on the ground.

Untying the whip from her foot, Batgirl extracted the Batgrapple until she was back down to the ground. To her surprise, Catwoman hadn't run.

"I've changed my mind," said Catwoman. "I've decided I want to teach you respect for authority."

"What's the matter," Batgirl relished Catwoman's anger. "Not as easy to beat this kid as you thought, Cats?"

Catwoman charged with her claws. She was serious. Batgirl drew two Batarangs, one in each hand. She blocked a combined five claw strikes before the off-handed Batarang was knocked out. To compensate, Batgirl grabbed Catwoman right claw with the disarmed left hand just before it would have struck cheek. At the same time, the remaining Batarang was stopped inches short of Catwoman's abdomen by a hand holding Batgirl's right wrist.

Both offenses finally pierced the defenses. Claws cut down cheek as Batarang cut an inch into abdomen. _Fight the pain. Just need to cut a little harder into her guts and she's yours. Just don't hit anything she needs to live._

Suddenly, the pain in Batgirl's left cheek seemed to get more severe. She yelled in pain, much to Catwoman's delight. A flick of the wrist forced Batgirl to drop her Batarang. A headbutt had Batgirl staggering back and slipping to the ground on a banana peel.

Catwoman started laughing about this, which made Batgirl angry. A warning in her head told her that she needed to control her temper and that the possibility of making her sloppy was probably Catwoman's plan. But anger was beating reason; Batgirl delivered a flurry of furious attacks, all of which were blocked or dodged. This left Batgirl tired as well as in pain, so Catwoman capitalized with a claw strike across the face. It didn't make Batgirl bleed any more, but it did set her up to be decked by a roundhouse kick.

"Now that never say die attitude is a bit more like the big guy," Catwoman complimented Batgirl as she slowly got up. Catwoman pulled Batgirl's head down by the mask ears and delivered three knee strikes to the cheek. Batgirl fell to her hands and knees. A low snap kick had her face-down and gasping for breath.

Shifting Batgirl's head so the the claw marks on her left cheek faced up, Catwoman pressed her right foot down against them. Batgirl screamed in pain as her newly sensitive spot was targeted. _Just don't beg for mercy. It's beneath you. Besides, if this doesn't tell Batman that she's a bad person, nothing will._

Suddenly, the foot was off Batgirl's face. "Thought I was gonna kill you?" asked Catwoman.

Batgirl nodded.

"Like I said, you don't know me very well. I'm no killer. Although I'm not above embarrassing my enemies. Let's show everybody that pretty face of yours." Catwoman reached for Batgirl's mask. Batgirl grabbed Catwoman's wrists in vain. She couldn't let anyone know, especially not her father.

"C'mon," chuckled Catwoman. "A lot of guys are swooning over you, especially those you've put away but are out of jail by now." Batgirl hadn't thought of the possibility of an old collar looking her up upon realizing that Barbara Gordon and Batgirl were the same person. _Maybe I hadn't been thinking when I put on this costume. It just felt right. Now it's about to be over._

Just as the mask was about to be pulled over the eyes, Catwoman released Batgirl and turned around. As she pulled the mask totally down again, Batgirl looked to see that it was two cops. "Gotham police," said one of them. "You're under arrest." Batgirl was overjoyed.

"Step away from your prisoner," said the other. "And raise your arms in the name of the law."

Catwoman looked down. "Your knights in blue armor," she said. Batgirl's heart sank. Being happy they were there meant admitting that she wasn't good enough.

Catwoman pulled Batgirl up into a hostage's position and placed her right claws against Batgirl's throat. "These are sharp claws I have up to her throat. Stay back."

This was embarrassing. Batgirl didn't exactly think of herself as a helpless girl. And yet, she found herself acting helpless because the battle had so weakened her.

"Don't try it," said the first cop. "We know those are claws you have up to her throat. We're authorized to shoot to save her life."

"This is kidnapping with deadly weapons," said the other. "You can cut burglary sentences short, but not that."

Catwoman backed up to where Batgirl had left her end of her Batgrapple still hooked to a window high above. "How do I use this?" asked Catwoman.

Batgirl said nothing.

"How," demanded Catwoman. "I'm not screwing around."

"Don't give in," said the first cop. "She won't give up her bargaining chip that easily."

But Batgirl was afraid for her life. "Trigger fires it," she said reluctantly. "Button on the high rear retracts. Side button extracts." Catwoman used it to get up high and get up to the roof from there, but not without detaching the hook of the Batgrapple and stealing it.

"Batman almost always makes me run," called Catwoman up top. "He sure as Hell doesn't need rescuing. Don't quit your day job, Batgirl! And boys, ain't she grateful to you chivalrous knights?"

"See if she's all right," ordered the first cop. "I'll call for backup."

The second cop helped Batgirl up. "You alright, young miss?"

"Yeah," said Batgirl. "Thanks." It was the right thing to say. As humiliating as this was, it wasn't the policemen's fault. It was Batgirl's own for losing her cool and missing a chance to take Catwoman out earlier by dropping her down from high above.

"You better go home," said the cop.

"I know I'm beat-up," admitted Batgirl, "But I can try again tomorrow."

"You mean you want more of her? I'd steer clear of her from now on. No, it's not because you're a woman. It's because you're a girl. No older than our boss' son."

Batgirl ran at this point. She eventually reached the Batmobile and started driving towards the Batcave.

The drive gave her time to think about what a humiliation this was. The Dark Lady was supposed to be a rising star in the crimefighting community, yet in one night, The Princess of Plunder had turned her into damsel in distress. She was going to pay for that. And Batgirl didn't take cash.

**Selina Kyle's perspective:**

Having changed out of her Catsuit in her apartment, Selina Kyle had her best friend, Sabisia Williams, start running a medicine-tipped wad of cotton over her wound. "You're saying she hurt you like this?" asked Sabisia. "Batman doesn't do this to you."

"Batman's sweet on me," explained Selina. "Batgirl's not. I think she hates me."

"Let her hate you," smiled Sabisia. "You got her."

"Today," said Selina. She sensed her pet cougar, Caesarion, walking over to her. Petting the big, wild cat, Selina continued, "But the kid held her own. Almost got me. Might still have if I hadn't made her lose it at the end. Sure love to meet her when she knows what she's doing."

**Barbara's perspective:**

Alfred had finished stitching up the deep scratches on Batgirl's face and applying the patch. "Thanks," said Batgirl.

"Not at all, Madam," said Alfred. "I have to do this often for the Masters. They often ask what they would do without me."

"Good question," chuckled Barbara.

It was then that the hatch above opened and in came the Batplane. Out came Batman and Robin. "I have found exactly one Riko Dimiquen," Alfred explained to Batman and Robin. "His home is at 358 Broadroad Street."

Batman then saw Barbara Gordon with a large bandage on her cheek. "What happened?" asked Batman.

"The Catwoman happened to me," said Barbara.

"Sure you're alright to continue?"

"Don't give her a 'You can't continue' speech," said Robin.

"Figured you'd take her side," said Batman. "Fine. A cut isn't that serious. But I'll need to look at any further injuries. Both of your nights are over. Mine has one more thing left."

_Fair enough. They seem busy. I'm free to continue my pursuit of Catwoman tomorrow._

**The Riddler's perspective:**

The following morning, The Riddler had finished putting together his plan for a bank robbery. Batman would get the riddles. This time, though, he'd be ready. Unless he wasn't.

He couldn't think like that. For sure, Riddler had clashed with Batman a few times in a full year, generally, in vain, but this time he had a true gang. Besides, the law of averages said that he had to win one of these. One was all he needed.

He wished he could believe that.

**Barbara's perspective:**

The day at school and work was a drag for Barbara. She didn't even talk to other students and workers much. While working at her computer at Wayne Enterprises, she did overhear that Bruce Wayne had the flu. More likely that was a cover for him and Dick Grayson doing whatever they needed to prove The Hog's innocence. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it.

The end of Barbara's shift couldn't have come soon enough. She pushed her car to the speed limit on the way to Wayne Manor. Catwoman had turned her into disgrace of a heroine. No one did that to Batgirl. Not that she would take Catwoman's life, but if Cats found herself in the infirmary of Blackgate Prison, she would have brought it on herself.

"Madame Barbara," Alfred said politely as soon as Barbara came in. "Don't shoot the messenger, but follow me." He led Barbara to a window with a good view and pointed.

Barbara's heart sank at the sight of the Batsignal.

"Master Bruce considers it important to answer the Signal each time," Alfred said apologetically.

Barbara sighed. Redemption and revenge would have to wait another night.

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl was upset as she drove to answer the Batsignal. You won some, you lost some. And she had certainly lost this one. True, this was by default, since she was likely about to be taken off the case. But the reality was that she'd had her chances to win the battle against Catwoman the prior night and blown it.

Batgirl hated losing. And she hated that Catwoman was going to get away with what she had done to her even more. The Dark Lady pounded the panel of the Batmobile with an open palm.

Enough venting. She couldn't ignore Commissioner James Gordon's plea for help. Which brought her to another problem. Gordon was her father, and he had come close to recognizing his daughter the last time he had seen Batgirl.

Upon reaching GCPD HQ, Batgirl stepped into the shadow cast by the protrusion on the roof with a door that lead downstairs. "Commissioner," said Batgirl, just barely remembering not to call her father "Dad."

"Do all you people sneak up on others?" asked Commissioner Gordon.

"Sorry," said Batgirl. She meant it. She didn't like lying to her father, let alone surprising him.

"I expected Batman."

"He's out of town. I'm what you've got."

"You've accomplished enough. At any rate, The Riddler finally made his first move since freeing his old accomplices, Query and Echo, weeks ago. They robbed a bank with two more helpers. Here are the riddles." He walked into the shadow and gave Batgirl the piece of paper.

"Thank you," said Batgirl, walking away.

"Before you go," inquired Gordon. "Do you have your parents' permission? Because my daughter's an athlete and I'd never let her do what you do."

Batgirl ran for the edge of the roof.

"You people don't say goodbye, either," realized Gordon.

**Catwoman's perspective:**

Catwoman had figured out the answers to The Riddler's conundrums and entered his home. Catwoman wasn't challenged trying to hit legitimate businesses anymore unless Batman got involved, so why not try an archcriminal?

She sneaked into Riddler's room and found a safe. She didn't bother trying to crack it. No alarms. She could open it with tools at home. She picked it up. Definitely money or valuable objects inside. She dropped it upon hearing guns cocking and jumped out the window.

Unfortunately, these weren't normal homeowners. They were The Riddler and his perennial henchwomen, Query and Echo. They jumped out the window as well and pursued. "What killed The Catwoman?" asked Riddler.

"Curiosity," said Catwoman. Everyone knew that one.

"Wrong. Her belief that her primitive brain could outsmart The Riddler."

_Primitive? That's probably racist, but what do you expect from a psychopath?_ These people were shooting straight. They could probably hit the wheels of Catwoman's car and would get her on the way out. Better to dash for the buildings and try to lose them up there. _Sorry, Caesarion. You're gonna have to stay in the car awhile longer._

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl was looking over the riddles in the Batmobile:

What does the beginning of my security  
number, 398, have to do with my address?

I live in superbia.

The first riddle Batgirl understood. Every _Social _Security number in the state was 398. But what was that "Superbia" business? Metahumans were rare. There was no town with a lot of them.

Did The Riddler mean a town home to one of the famous superheroes? Metropolis, New York, and Keystone City were home to Superman, Green Lantern and The Flash, respectively. All of them were too far away. Maybe the answer was Wonder Woman's northern Virginia/Washington DC area? That wasn't nearly as far away. Still not exactly a stone's throw away from Gotham, though.

If not, Batgirl was stumped. Maybe she should patrol as she thought. It might get her mind going.

At some point during the patrol, Batgirl heard a shot. Good thing she was the constructive type, whereas Bruce said that Dick was hard to pry away from his video games. Not that Batgirl was against that kind of thing, but not at work.

Batgirl used her Batgrapple to get up a building to see that The Riddler, Query, and Echo were chasing Catwoman across rooftops. Looked like Catwoman had bitten off more than she could chew. Or they were all setting a trap for Batgirl. Either way, she had wanted both cases to come together, hadn't she?

Catwoman just barely missed a jump and held onto the rooftop with her hands. A shot from Query's sniper rifle broke a piece of concrete off where Catwoman's right hand was, causing her to fall screaming!

Batgirl had arrived just in time. Even as she aimed her Batgrapple just to Catwoman's side, Batgirl found herself thinking about letting the bitch die. But that was a thought unworthy of a heroine. She fired; Catwoman caught the rope and swung on it to the edge of the building Batgirl was on. _You better appreciate this, sugar!_

Satisfied that Catwoman was saved, Batgirl got out a Mini-Batjet and used its targeting system to launch it at Query. It hit her right thigh just as she would have shot at Batgirl. "Eddie, I'm hit," cried Query.

"Live by the gun, die by gun," taunted Batgirl.

"We better get out of here," said Echo.

"OK," agreed The Riddler. As he and Echo helped Query down the building, Riddler shouted, "My real beef is with your boss and not the kitty-kitty. Don't cross me again, pretty girl."

_Pretty girl? I always thought he looked kind of cute himself. Not that I'd go soft on him just because of that. That was Batman's mistake._

Catwoman was retracted up and ran away. Batgirl chased, tackled, straddled, turned Catwoman around to face her, and pinned her wrists to the ground. "Cats," demanded Batgirl, "Before we start anything else, I think you need to thank me."

"For what?" asked Catwoman. "Giving me the indignity of being saved by one of the good girls and one not old enough to pop a cork, at that?"

Batgirl nodded.

"T-H-A-N-K-S," Catwoman grinded the letters out.

"Was that so hard?" Batgirl smiled. Saving Catwoman wasn't so bad after all.

"Don't get smart with me, Bratgirl," sneered Catwoman. "I'm not too grateful to kick your ass again!"

"You can try," Batgirl knew she could show no fear. "First, let me know why you were running from Question Marks in the first place."

"He's my latest mark."

"Not exactly an easy one?"

"What did I just warn you about?

"Sor-ry. I can't find where he lives. Tell me and it'll shorten your sentence a lot."

"Do you expect me to turn myself in just because you stopped me from dying, which, by the way, I'd take over being caged by this evil society?"

"I don't know who's crazier, you or The Riddler. I have the high ground. I'll win."

"In your dreams. But how about a bargain. I'm on The Riddler's shit list. He's on yours. Why don't we put him away together?"

"You actually expect me to trust you?" laughed Batgirl. "You're not the same as him. You're worse. At least he's crazy."

That clearly pissed Catwoman off. "There's no point in arguing," she said with reluctance.

"Because you know I'm right."

"Because you need me."

"Like AIDS."

"That's right. Forget that I turned you into a valley girl last night. Face it. Without me, you ain't got no chance!"

Batgirl thought. Catwoman might be right, she had to admit. "Alright, Catwoman," said Batgirl. "But when he's behind bars, it's on!"

"You want another fight?" smiled Catwoman with glee. "I'll give you one."

**The Riddler's perspective:**

Echo was tending to Query's leg wound, so The Riddler said to the other two men playing poker, "Sorry to cut your game short, but The Batgirl and Catwoman are on the way. We must be prepared. No killing. They're bait for Batman. I'll show Batgirl and Catwoman that you don't screw with The Riddler! At least not _that_ way... And they've both missed their chance at the right way."

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Getting the location of The Riddler's new home had solved the unknown riddle. "Superbia" was a word game. He meant suburbia. It figured. Batgirl did recall reading about the one who had once been known as Eddie Nygma cheating as a child.

"So what's it like to be you?" asked Catwoman during the ride.

"I'd rather not talk," said Batgirl.

"You want we should just seethe?"

"Let's get one thing straight, Catwoman. I hate you. I certainly don't feel like talking to you."

"I like dealing with Batman better."

"That's because you've got him seduced and manipulated."

"Has it occurred to you, that I may be a more complicated woman than you think, Batgirl?"

"No."

"Then maybe you should be more open-minded. Like Batman. Oh, he wants to put me away, but he has hard time looking at me and seeing a monster."

"I have a hard time looking at you and seeing anything else. We're nearing The Riddler's neighborhood."

But Catwoman still seemed to want to talk. "Strong words considering your apparently cold-hearted approach to fighting crime."

"You think I'm like a cold-hearted policeman?"

"Well, is there anyone you truly care about?"

There was Robin, actually. "If there is, you're the last one I'd tell. We've reached the neighborhood." _Not a moment too soon._

They parked just outside. Catwoman lead Batgirl through the neighborhood carefully to the house. Everyone seemed to be asleep or gone. Catwoman clawed out a segment in a window for them to enter through.

Both Batgirl and Catwoman had their nightvision lenses on as they explored the living room. Good thing the new Batsuit Batgirl got from Batman had the lenses or she would have been at a disadvantage against two archcriminals in the dark.

"Guess he got when the getting was good," guessed Catwoman.

"No way," said Batgirl. "He's obsessed with outsmarting Batman. He wouldn't run."

Suddenly, Catwoman turned towards the couch in front of them. "You're right," she said. "My great Cat-burglar ears hear him. Come out, Riddler! I know you're behind that couch. Show yourself or I cut 'em off!"

"That handsome face of yours shouldn't be wasted behind the couch anyway," agreed Batgirl.

"You think he's handsome?" whispered Catwoman. "Your taste sucks, you know that?"

"Hey, I've a right to an opinion," whispered Batgirl. "Plus, we've got the good cop/bad cop routine going, so don't complain."

Suddenly, a pepper spray grenade was thrown from around the couch. Batgirl and Catwoman fell down, teary and weakened.

"He's turned the tables," whispered Batgirl. "We've gotta make for the broken window."

"For once," said Catwoman. "I can't argue." They ran at the window, but, no longer one hundred percent, their shoulders collided halfway to the window, and both masked females fell.

"Watch where you're going," they both said. Moments later, each of them was held by two of The Riddler's forces. He and his goons were in gas masks. After disposing of the pepper spray grenade, they dragged Batgirl and Catwoman into the kitchen. Two chairs and a rope were used to tie the "guests" together.

"You really don't seem to like being tied together," noted Riddler with a grin.

"How'd you guess?" asked Catwoman.

"Deal with it," smiled Echo. "Too bad you're not friends like we are." She and Query stood together smiling to prove the point.

"What're we gonna do wit' 'em?" asked one of The Riddler's two men.

"Two very hot ladies," admired The Riddler.

"We're not available," said Batgirl. Attractive as she found Riddler, she wasn't getting involved with a criminal.

"You are now," said The Riddler fiercely. "But I'm not so rotten that I'd take two girls at once against their will. Here's the deal. You take turns at my riddles. The first to get one wrong gets a shot in the head. The other becomes my woman."

"I've got a suggestion," said Catwoman. "As you may have heard, I'm Batman's girl. You kill me, you'll only make him mad. This time, I can't guarantee you live. So keep Batgirl and let me go."

"Batman must be insane," groaned Batgirl.

"Hey," Catwoman defended herself. "You've been treating me like scum all night."

"You _are _scum." Batgirl and Catwoman stopped talking upon hearing a gun cock.

"As much as I live seein' the chicks argue," said one of The Riddler's two men with a gun in hand, "Shut up!"

"If only you ladies could've co-existed," The Riddler rubbed it in, "You might have had a chance." He started laughing and his henchmen and henchwomen joined in. "Batgirl, what's black and white and red all over?"

"Oldest one in the book," said Batgirl. "Newspaper."

"They'll get harder. Catwoman, What time is it when a tiger sits on your watch?"

"Time to get a new watch," said Catwoman sleepily.

"Wrong," smiled Riddler. "It's nighttime because tigers are nocturnal."

"You son of a bitch," screamed Catwoman.

"Looks like you've been outsmarted," pointed out Batgirl.

"I warned you," The Riddler reminded them. "Nash, unmask Catwoman. I want to see the look on that face before I shoot it."

Nash walked over to Catwoman. Batgirl couldn't see what was happening, what with her having been bound behind Catwoman, but the howl in pain and thudding sound said that Nash had caught a knee in the balls.

"Incompetent," scoffed The Riddler.

"Look all you want," said Catwoman. "But you better not touch."

"Actually," said Batgirl, "He was trying to look and couldn't even do that. Wait a second. From how much Nash's hurting, he was hit pretty hard there."

"So?" laughed Riddler's other male employee.

"This isn't a comedy flick," explained Batgirl. "Riddler, you better get him in bed with an ice pack. Otherwise, it'll swell and cause real injury."

"Fine," said Riddler. "I'll get the ice and bag it. The rest of you drag the idiot upstairs into his bed." Before long, Batgirl and Catwoman were alone.

"That's pretty compassionate considering he'd have let you suffer if not taken the chance to abuse you," said Catwoman.

"If you have to ask," replied Batgirl, "You'll never know. Besides, they're gone. Cut the ropes."

Catwoman did so on her side so that in case she didn't finish before the other criminals returned, they wouldn't notice right away. "What's taking so long?" asked Batgirl.

"Patience, Bratgirl," admonished Catwoman, "These claws aren't as long as knives and I'm tied up."

Soon enough, The Riddler, Query, Echo, and the remaining henchman came down the stairs. "Where were we?" asked Riddler.

But Catwoman had cut just enough rope for Batgirl to get them off.

"They're... well, you know that," said a suddenly scared Riddler. "Get them!"

Catwoman delivered a hopping double kick to knock down both Query and Echo, followed by claw strikes into their hides. A couple more kicks knocked them out.

Meanwhile, Batgirl dodged two punches from the henchman attacking her and retaliated with two jabs, a snap kick to the ribs, another snap kick to the shoulder, a third to the face, and a headbutt with Batgirl's lightly armored mask. The thug was knocked out.

It was two against one, but The Riddler whipped out an equalizer: his automatic pistol. "I believe you lost our game," he said, cocking the gun and aiming it at Catwoman. Batgirl suspected that Catwoman could dodge a couple bullets, but there was a more sure way to win.

"And I won," said Batgirl in a loving voice. "And what a prize I won. A brilliant and handsome guy like you."

"That's the first intelligent thing either of you have said all night," "complimented" The Riddler. But, seeing that his guard had been dropped, Batgirl threw a Batarang that knocked out the gun. Riddler chased it, but Batgirl's right foot got on top of it first.

"And you can tell we're a couple because we're fighting already," joked Batgirl, cracking her knuckles with threaded fingers.

The Riddler punched his right fist at Batgirl. Batgirl caught the wrist of the scrawny Riddler and twisted his arm hard behind his back. Pretty soon, he was on his knees.

"For what it's worth," grinned Batgirl, "I wasn't lying when I called you 'handsome,' and I'm sure this is all somehow society's work... but you need therapy. After you get it, look me up. If you've gotten over having been beaten by a girl, that is. I'll be of age and may be available." _I like Robin at the moment, but Riddler's hypothetical release was a long way away. Never know what's gonna happen in a relationship._

Batgirl elbowed Riddler over the neck a few times so as not to mess up that face and he fell unconscious. "Alright, Catwoman," she said, "You're nex..." Catwoman was gone. "Scared kitten!"

Batgirl had called the police and was watching on a roof a distance away as she watched The Riddler and his accomplices get taken away.

"A very good night," Batgirl said to herself. "Too bad she got away, but we'll settle this sooner or later."

Suddenly, a lasso encircled her and she was pulled off her feet and towards Catwoman, who smiled triumphantly as she thoroughly roped her. "How about sooner?" asked The Princess of Plunder. "I told you I was up for that rematch."

"Don't do fair fights, do you, coward?"

"No. I'm 'scum', remember? Scare, Caesarion!" A cougar pushed Batgirl down completely on her back with his front legs and growled. Catwoman and Caesarion had clearly been waiting for the police to leave. _Wingspan's against the wall again._

"You showed me tonight that you're not just a kid," said a graciously victorious Catwoman. "How about we work together? Hear me out. I'd have killed you multiple times if I were all bad. And I swear to God that I have causes. I donate a lot of the money I steal to cleaning up the environment, conservation, and helping poor people. Together, we can clean up this corrupt city! Even Batman couldn't stand against us."

"Sorry," said Batgirl. "I'm naive enough to think that it can be cleaned up the right way. Besides, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times; I do not believe in this good side of you. You're a petty thief through and through. In closing..." she spit on Catwoman's right cheek.

"A simple 'no' would've done," said Catwoman, wiping off the spit. "Fine. I'll settle for ending your career." She reached for Batgirl's mask, but Batgirl had reached a gas pellet and lobbed it at Caesarion. The pressure on her upper body went away as Caesarion fell unconscious. Batgirl log rolled to the side and off the house before she would've been put to sleep as well.

Cutting the ropes off with a Batarang, Batgirl watched and waited for the gas to clear. Caesarion had been taken out by the gas, and Batgirl hadn't seen or heard any sign of him being taken away. _Even if Catwoman escaped, her DNA's on the animal. She's mine!_

But when the gas cleared, both Catwoman and Caesarion were gone. Batgirl didn't know how Catwoman got Caesarion away Batgirl noticing or breathing in any gas, but somehow she did. Another round had gone to The Catwoman.


	6. Young Face

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman and Robin were looking through the window of a short building. This certainly seemed to be the auto theft operation they were looking for, all right. Stolen cars were coming in and, in some cases, dissected. The Dynamic Duo jumped in through the window and swung on their Batgrapples into two of the gang leaders, feet-first! A little punching and kicking to take care of the other supervisers and all that was left were dozens of common thugs.

The grunts charged, tools and baseball bats in hand. The bosses must not have trusted these guys with guns. Despite being badly outnumbered, Batman and Robin's superior skills and body armor saw them through.

"Don't worry," Robin "consoled" his and Batman's beaten adversaries. "You gave us our best fight ever. Well, after The Joker. And Penguin. And Poison Ivy. And The Riddler. And the crime family from the South. But at least you're not burglars or muggers."

"Enough," said Batman. "I need to call the Commissioner. He'll need a lot of cars for this one."

Once the several cop cars were on their way, Batman and Robin were on their way out. They returned to the Batmobile parked a distance away to see someone taking away what looked like one of the tires of the Batmobile.

"I got 'im," said Robin, pursuing him.

"Wait," said Batman, feeling that this wasn't the one to play rough with. But Robin was off like a shot, decking the thief from behind with a flying kick, and causing him to grunt in pain and clutch the back of his head on the ground.

Robin laughed and said, "You take hits like a... kid?"

"Let me see," demanded, not requested, Batman. He felt the back of the head of the boy in his early teens. "You're in luck, Robin. No lasting damage."

"I still got a talk coming, don't I?" asked Robin.

"First things first." Batman faced the younger boy. "Why did you try to rob us, young man?"

"I had no choice," said the boy. "I have to steal to survive."

"What's with Gotham City and tragic criminals?" asked Robin.

"A lot of them are created by an uncaring society," Batman was sensitive enough to realize. "May we ask who you are and how you got into this position?"

"Jason Todd," said the boy. "I can't remember my mom, but I'm told she was a good woman unless you count getting hooked on drugs."

"How can people be so stu..." began Robin.

"Don't finish that," said Batman with controlled anger. "You're in enough trouble as it is. The fact is that addiction's a hard thing to beat."

"My dad struggled to hold down a job," said Jason. "He recently joined a gang started by an escaped crook named Two-Face. He tried to rob somebody but came home empty handed. Coin landed on its scarred side and..."

"Then you're an orphan," said Batman.

"I didn't wanna do this. But they're after me. Don't want any loose ends. An orphanage can't protect me. The nuns probably wouldn't even believe me. This is the only 'job' I'm old enough to get."

"Then you have a choice," suggested Batman. "You can help us get justice for your father or go to Juvenile Hall."

"They can shoot me in there just like in an orphanage."

"Then you really have no choice. You're coming with us. Help us and we'll overlook this and any other crimes you committed." Since Batman doubted anyone could effectively protect Jason from Two-Face, he had to hide in the Batcave for the time being.

Because the Batmobile had only two seats, Jason sat in Robin's lap. "Why can't I see where we're going?" asked Jason.

"I changed the polarization of the glass."

"Polar-what?"

"You'd be bored by my explanation, boy. Just know that I've made it so that it takes my nightvision lenses to see through the windshield. Robin's probably activated his. We'll get out in the Batcave."

"This is kidnapping."

"Sure is," grinned Robin.

**Alfred's perspective:**

Most Butlers and maids spent their hard-reached after-hours watching TV or going to the movies. All too often, Alfred spent his worrying about three young people who were the closest he had to sons and a daughter. It was for this reason that he was always doing some of the next day's work to take his mind off the possibility of his friends dying. As a result, his after-hours were in the late afternoon, not the evening.

Batman, Robin, and a boy came home. "Another member of the 'family'?" asked Alfred.

"Only a witness," said Batman. "Jason Todd, fourteen."

How long had it been since Alfred had taken care of someone two young to live on his own? He hoped he still remembered how. "Hello, young Jason. I'm Alfred Pennyworth."

"Whatever," said Jason, shaking Alfred's hand. Alfred was now remembering how lacking in social graces teenagers could be.

**Two-Face's perspective:**

"What do you mean you couldn't find the brat?" asked an incredulous Two-Face. "Don't you know that he knows where we are?" With that, Two-Face flipped his silver dollar. Scarred side. He drew a pistol and shot the two men tasked with finding Jason Todd.

Two-Face now didn't have any help. He would replace the two dead failures in the morning, then he had to find Todd. If he wasn't in town, that meant that either the police or The Batman had discovered him.

**Bruce's perspective:**

Bruce was ready to go out door of Wayne Manor when Dick confronted him. "Bruce," said Dick, "We need to talk. About Jason."

"What about him?" asked Bruce.

"What are you planning on doing after we take care of Two-Face today?"

"Probably take him to an orphana..."

Suddenly, they heard the sounds of running. It was Jason, running through the door that sealed off the stairs to the Batcave.

"So _that's_ how you can afford all that cool shit," said Jason.

"My apologies, sirs," said Alfred. "I didn't hear him coming behind me."

Things had gotten a lot more complicated. "You might as well show him to the guest room, Alfred," Bruce finally decided after a long pause.

"This is awkward," noted Dick.

Having to deal with a boy who knew that Bruce Wayne and Batman were the same man wasn't going to be easy. At least Bruce had a relaxing day of work ahead of him.

A few hours into work, Bruce's company vice president, Lucius Fox, visited him in his office. "Family problems?" asked Lucius.

"How'd you guess?" asked Bruce.

"Because I have it with my children. Whatever problems Dick is giving you, bear in mind that the most important prerequisite to being a father is patience."

"I'll keep that in mind," promised Bruce, though it wasn't exactly like that.

**Batman's perspective:**

Before he could deal with Jason, Batman had to deal with Two-Face.

"Can I come?" asked Jason.

"No," said Bruce.

"Why?"

"Because you're untrained and emotionally involved. Don't ask any more questions. Batgirl, I think you'd better sit this one out as well. I'm not sure Alfred can keep him here by himself."

Batgirl didn't like it, but she went back into her dressing room to change back into street clothes.

**Batman's perspective:**

"Is this the place?" asked Robin of the spot in a building that looked to have been rented out.

"Precisely where Jason said he'd be," Batman assured Robin.

"What I mean is can we trust him? He admits that his father was a gangster."

"A reluctant gangster. Besides, we wouldn't know that if Jason hadn't been honest enough to tell us that."

"Certain logic."

"If you're jealous, don't worry. Bruce Wayne will always appreciate Dick Grayson as the son he'll probably never have now that Christie Whitlock is out of his life."

"Thanks - I mean, I know."

Batman and Robin burst through the windows. They charged at three men in the living room. Batman took two out with his fists, while Robin took care of the last one with two punches and a roundhouse kick.

Out came Two-Face with an assault rifle. He fired it. Batman ducked and pulled the top of his protective cape over his own face just before the bullets struck. Robin did the same. Soon enough, they heard a clicking sound.

"Don't attack," commanded Batman. "Knowing him, he has sense enough to have extra magazines." Sure enough, a reloaded sound was heard.

"Give it up, Two-Face," said Robin. "You'll run out of bullets sooner or later, and if you try to escape, you won't be as good a shot on the run."

"Guess again," said Two-Face. "We decided that we should study you back in Arkham. We've discovered that for all your roughness, you wouldn't let a fly get swatted. It's gonna be the death of you. Probably right now."

"Only you - I should say half of you would regard ethics and mercy as weaknesses," Batman gave his side of the story.

"Yes," said Two-Face. "Like you say, half of us is too weak to do this." He rested his assault rifle on his right shoulder so his other hand could get his silver dollar out of his pocket. "Here's the deal. Clean side, we're in an old West staredown; scarred side, it's you or our men, Caped Crusaders!"

_This will take a perfect throw! _Two-Face flipped his coin. Batman threw a Batarang like a baseball pitcher would throw a curveball. His aim was true, and the coin went flying.

"No," screamed Two-Face as he went running after the coin. More Batarangs from Batman and Robin disarmed him, and Batman beat him to the gun and kicked it aside.

Two-Face delivered a few punches to Batman. "Champion boxer of my high school," boasted Two-Face. But Batman retaliated with a right cross and side kick that knocked Two-Face flat.

"Boxing's a small world after all," sang Robin.

After the police had come for Two-Face and his men, Robin hit Batman with it: "What about Jason? There's a boy who knows who we are."

"That is a dilemma," admitted Batman. "I guess I'll have to take him in. Teach him right. And of course, swear him to secrecy."

"Our team grows. You, me, Batgirl, whatever we end up calling Jason, The Huntress is out there somewhere, and how can I forget that The Catwoman isn't always against us?"

"Hold your horses. Unlike you, Jason doesn't come from an athletic or disciplinarian background. He needs training. And Catwoman may have repeatedly become an enemy of our enemies, but she's a criminal. I'm unambiguous on that."

"Liar." Batman realized then that as wrong as it was for a supposed hero to be attracted to a criminal, he was that kind of wrong. But then Robin explained, "I'm not that disciplined. I may be a trash talker, but I get that."

"I knew that," said Batman. "Admitting it is the first step."

**Jason's perspective:**

The next evening, Bruce and Jason were sparring on a workout mat in the Batcave. "Three rules for you, Jason Todd," explained Bruce. "Number one, no killing. Number two, I make the decisions. Number three, I also demand discipline." With that, he wrestled Jason to the ground.

"Tough teacher," said Jason.

"Get used to it," laughed Dick. "It's how he is."

"Mm-hmm," concurred Barbara.


	7. Trials of Catwoman

Note: As I've pointed out before, this fic is a sequel to my first one, the original Batman: Defender of Gotham. You should probably read the Cat Season chapter in the original before this one, for the events in it are referenced repeatedly.

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl had been troubled for some time. Relations between the Traylors and other mostly unknown crime families had supposedly been getting more tense ever since that team of psychopaths that the Traylors had put together months before had failed to defeat The Batman.

As Robin got on the Batcycle behind Batgirl and Batman entered the Batmobile, Batgirl asked, "Is there any possibility that the hostilities between the Traylors and other crime families will cool down?"

"I hope not," said Robin. "If we can't bust them, seeing them destroy each other is the next best thing."

"Very shortsighted of you," disagreed Batman. "History has shown that it's unwise to underestimate a gang's ability to quickly rebuild. Whether the Traylors go down but cripple or destroy two or three of the others or beat the odds, fewer, stronger mobs will be very bad for Gotham in the long run."

"Dad taught me that about gang wars when I was a little girl," recalled Batgirl. "So we're back to how scary this situation is. In a way I wish the mobs would just start the war. Get it over with."

"Be careful what you wish for," warned Batman.

**Alfred's perspective:**

After his day at school, Jason Todd was watching TV in his room. It gave Alfred a welcome break from Jason's attitude. Perhaps it was because he had been poor and for a short time, homeless, but he wasn't all that well-behaved. He had a tendency to complain and had a certain cockiness. He was smart and athletic, though.

Bruce, Dick, and Barbara didn't care one bit for Jason's attitude. Alfred, however, kept his temper. He knew from experience that young people were like this.

**Mary Woods' perspective:**

Spring break. For most people, this was vacation time. For Mary Woods' children, though, it was go to the grandparents' house week. People in the mountain West wanted to be left alone, after all.

But although Mary usually stayed with the kids on this week-long stay at her parents' home, she couldn't this time. The Catwoman had murdered her husband the year before. Mary had wondered if Catwoman was all bad, but she'd proven it. It was checkout time. As a huntress, Mary was going to finish what her husband had started, bring Catwoman's carcass home, and cook her for the kids and grandparents.

But as Mary was on the plane to a small town just outside Gotham, she thought harder. Why should Catwoman die but leave one of America's greatest heroes, The Batman, sad about someone who it was an open secret that he misguidedly loved? Plus, after what the murder of Mary's husband had put her through, she certainly wasn't doing that to an honorable man like Batman. Perhaps this wouldn't be as simple a hunting trip as Mary had believed.

**Catwoman's perspective:**

There was another job to pull. Catwoman was watching her target, a mansion. Inside lived a tycoon who swindled people and hurt the environment that animals like Catwoman's namesake struggled to live without. There was also a gold-digging wife who collaborated with this so she would have a lot of fur coats to buy. Catwoman hated people like this.

Lights went out. It was time.

Suddenly, Catwoman felt something sharp in the back of her neck. It was a dart. As Catwoman realized this, she felt like she had put on thirty pounds. Must have been tranquilizer in the dart. That meant that now was not the time to take it out, even if it hurt a bit.

What Catwoman was doing had changed. She jumped off the house she was on and hightailed it through the plush neighborhood. Suddenly, she felt another dart strike her right arm. She grunted in pain and fear. Fear because she could no longer be anywhere near one hundred percent!

Catwoman looked back. Nobody there. But she was pretty sure who it was. The Batgirl and Robin probably couldn't get the drop on her, but The Batman might. If he loved Catwoman too much to beat her down, drug-tipped darts from the shadows was probably his best strategy.

"So afraid of physical commitment so you take me out unseen?" asked Catwoman out loud. "White boys." Personal shots seemed to be all the ones Catwoman could dish out; another dart hit her left buttock several steps outside of the neighborhood. "Perv!"

Catwoman could see stores and other buildings around. Another dart and she was done. She had to lose Batman fast. Catwoman ran around the right side of a building, then went back to the left from its front before charging straight. A left turn lasted a few minutes before Catwoman ducked into an alley and sat down.

By now, the three shots of tranquilizer had taken their toll. Catwoman's body badly wanted sleep. But thirty-three seconds passed without the sounds of footsteps except for a few nobodies passing by on the sidewalk outside the alley. "Try as many times as you want, Dark Knight," Catwoman said dreamily but quietly. "You'll never catch me." Suddenly, a diagonal-down dart struck her right leg and a brown-haired woman in green huntress' camouflage jumped down from the two-story building that Catwoman was leaning against.

"Maybe not," declared the woodswoman. "But _I_ will." She looked well-conditioned. _This is so not my night._

Slowly standing up, Catwoman finally realized, "You're not Batman."

"No, and thank God for that," confirmed the woodswoman. "Living so far away from the wild is so... unnatural."

Catwoman was in no shape to fight, so she ran a few steps before she, unbalanced by the tranquilizer flowing through four spots, fell on her face. "It's time for you to pay the piper," said the woodswoman before the lights went out.

**Mary's perspective:**

Mary Woods stood over an unconscious Catwoman and turned her on her back. "Let's see what you look like under there," said Mary, taking off the mask. It was an attractive black woman that Mary would have had to stop her late husband from looking at too hard. Other than that, there was nothing remarkable about this face. Not quite as dramatic as she'd imagined the moment.

No matter; the moment was big enough. With one slash of her hunting knife to the throat, Mary could eliminate one of the world's most notorious criminals, rectify the one weakness of one the world's greatest heroes, avenge the death of Mary's husband, and have good eating ready to be taken to the kids and cooked for them.

But again, should Mary break Batman's heart like this? Mary had felt that some time ago, and it wasn't pleasant. Besides, Mary would have liked Catwoman to understand why her death was essential. That meant that she had to live a little longer.

**Catwoman's perspective:**

Catwoman was shaken by the face back to consciousness. It was the woodswoman. She backed up a few meters and stared at Catwoman, hands on hips. This gave The Princess of Plunder a chance to assess.

Her mask was off and she was still very drowsy from the tranquilizer darts. It looked like Catwoman was being held in a rural cabin. She was chained up and hung upside-down directly over a bed of spikes. Her clawed gloves were still on, but they couldn't cut through chains. The woodswoman had done her homework. Now, even if Catwoman could get out of her chains, she would fall to her death.

"What's this all about?" asked Catwoman. "Why'd you jump me?"

"You are one over-rated crook," giggled the woodswoman under my breath. "It's bad enough that you were so easily caught, but you haven't even figured out who I am yet?"

Catwoman shook her head.

"You remember that hunter from the West that you killed last year?" asked the woodswoman. "I see you do. He was my husband. Name's Mary."

_So that's what this is about. A crying wife wants revenge. _"For the record," said Catwoman, "I didn't kill him. My pet cougar did."

"Don't split hairs with me."

"I offered to call him off. Your husband wouldn't give in."

"I see no reason to believe you. You're a thief. Greed, lies, and stealin' are what you do. The only reason I haven't killed you is because that would break The Batman's heart."

Catwoman perked up. This was the break she needed. "Hey, I saved his life once. Guess it's time he returned the favor."

"Don't bet on it. I'll show him that he can do better."

"Like you?"

"Not this soon after Tim died. And sure as Hell never you."

**Batman's perspective:**

The Batsignal was cast. Duty was calling.

Upon arriving on the rooftop of GCPD HQ, Commissioner Gordon said, "This came for you. I'll think it'll pique your interest." He handed Batman a picture with a note attached underneath. It was a woman in a huntress' camouflage standing next to an unmasked Catwoman, who was being chained upside-down over a bed of spikes. She had twisted around enough to obscure her face. Not that it looked like that would do her much good without help. The note read:

Look for us in a cabin in the forest near Petersville just outside  
Gotham. Come alone or she gets a well-deserved shooting.

P.S. Despite what your assumption may be, I'm not your  
enemy. Catwoman is.

That piqued Batman's interest, all right. It looked like this woman was a crimefighter trying to bring Catwoman to justice. But then, why was it necessary to get Batman's attention? Catwoman was in perfect position to be secured and taken to jail. There was a lot more to it. Batman thought about calling Robin and Batgirl, but something inside told The Dark Knight that perhaps with Catwoman, he should handle it alone, if possible.

Batman searched the forest until he saw a clearing it was a cabin. Batman entered through a window upstairs to a bedroom. No one was there. Batman checked the other rooms. _Nothing yet... _Finally, he carefully went downstairs. It looked more and more like a trap was about to be sprung.

Walking down the stairs, Batman discovered Catwoman, still strung upside-down over spikes. This time, Batman could see her face. It was an attractive black woman with medium length hair. With her secret out, catching her shouldn't be hard. The trick was saving her.

As he entered the living room, Batman saw the woodswoman from the photo with a hunting rifle sitting on a couch. "I finally get to meet the famous Batman," the woodswoman walked towards Batman with a smile, rifle pointed harmlessly upwards. "Name's Mary Woods." She held out her left hand. Batman hesitated before shaking it.

"I saved your life once," called Catwoman. "Time to pay your debt to me. Please, this white bitch is crazy. She's gonna shoot and cook me for her kids and parents."

"Some hunters in Africa eat people who mean them harm, right?" asked Mary. "Since you're a black woman, you should know this. I'm tired of talking to you anyway. Batman... you're one of justice's great champions. But why on God's green Earth is she still free?"

That question hit home. Batman kept telling himself that it was because Catwoman hadn't taken chances like other criminals did and because she was very, very good. But Batman felt as though his feelings were a little at fault. Nonetheless he clung to the illusion that said, "Because I haven't been able to?"

"I thought you might make this hard," sighed Mary.

"I'll gladly do it now," promised Batman. "Or if you want the credit, take it. Just don't shoot her."

"Sorry," said Mary forcefully. "She's gotta pay the price."

"Since when does burglary merit death?" asked Batman.

"It can ruin people's lives," said Mary. "But that ain't why I'm doing this anyhow. She murdered my husband. And yes, it was murder."

That took Batman by surprise. Murder was something he couldn't forgive. "Is this true?" he asked Catwoman.

"Hell, no," Catwoman insisted. "I may be a lot of bad things, but murderer isn't on the list." Batman believed her. She'd done good in the past and passed up chances to kill enemies. Just recently, she chose to try to embarrass Batgirl by unmasking her rather than kill her. Regardless of what Mary said or even believed, it couldn't have been as she remembered.

"So much for makin' this easy," lamented Mary. She shot at the chain holding Catwoman over the spikes. Catwoman closed her eyes in fear.

"Don't," shouted Batman. He had stopped criminals from dying before, but for some reason, he felt as though he didn't want to go on living if he couldn't save Catwoman from this righteously psychotic country lady. Of course, that meant that Mary Woods was right about one thing: Batman's feelings _were _helping Catwoman's chances of remaining free.

"Time for you to make a choice, Dark Knight," Mary began her ultimatum. "If I shoot the other side of that chain link, the bad kitty will fall into the spikes and die! If you try to side with her against decent folk, you're the first to get it. You're either a man of justice or her man. Choose the latter and I do promise to make sure that you're buried together. I do love me a good or, even, bad romance. By the way, that link won't hold forever, so you might wanna choose fast."

And Batman was thinking fast. He had been shut into a tight spot. There was no way to rescue Catwoman without opening himself to Mary's shot. But he couldn't just let Catwoman die. He could see the broken chain link growing looser. He had to think fast. But what was he going to come up with?

Batman walked towards the door out of the cabin.

"No," cried Catwoman. "You can't just abandon me. You know this is murder."

"He's chosen to be a hero," Mary taunted Catwoman. "Not an accomplice. Sorry."

Sensing that Mary was now focused on Catwoman and not Batman, he turned towards Mary and Bataranged the rifle out her hand. Mary dived at the gun, but a running baseball slide kicked her in the head, knocking her away from the weapon.

Mary drew a pistol, but Batman kicked it away as well. Standing up, Mary kicked at Batman's head. Dodging it, Batman caught the outstretched leg in his left arm and delivered three body blows, an uppercut, and a backhand to render Mary unconscious.

Turning to Catwoman, Batman saw that she about to fall and did a running dive. As the chain link totally severed itself, Batman caught Catwoman, and the two went clear of the spikes.

Looking down at Catwoman, Batman asked, "All you alright?"

"Better than OK," Catwoman thematically purred.

"You know this can't last," Batman reminded her.

Catwoman groaned. "At least let me get what's coming to me." With that she leaned in to kiss Batman. He returned it for a few seconds before he felt at knee in his groin and rolled off in pain.

Batman heard Catwoman shaking the chain off her. By the time he got up, Catwoman had already shaken off the chain and was out the door. Batman pursued, although slowed down by the pain in his groin.

"Don't try it," warned Batman. "I know your face now. Our war is over. Your sentence is short or long." Catwoman escaped deeper into the woods.

_So it's the hard way._

**Selina Kyle's perspective:**

Because you cannot drive a car just anywhere in a forest, staying a step ahead of Batman was easy. The harder part began when Catwoman reached Gotham City. Catwoman had to stick to the shadows and buildings on the way to the car of her alter-ego, Selina Kyle.

Eventually, she reached her car and changed into her regular clothes. For a moment, she wanted to believe that her troubles were over. It was an illusion.

She eventually reached her apartment. Entering it through the window, she saw that her pet cougar, Caesarion, was asleep. Selina checked the time. 2:19 in the morning. _Well, I did have to get out of a forest by foot._

Selina entered the bedroom of her roommate and best friend, Sabisia Williams, and woke her up. Sabisia yawned before smiling and hugging Selina. "You're all right," she said with glee.

"No I'm not," said Selina. "Batman and the bitch wife of that hunter who tried to kill me last year saw my face. My loved and mortal enemy will find me by the end of the week. We've gotta get rid of anything that can be traced from Catwoman to me. First of all, you said my fake permit to train a cougar can't be cracked. Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," promised Sabisia. "Even if they could find the Columbian gangster who made it, it wouldn't be worth taking international risks by extraditing a guy whose hands _seem _to be clean. That's not our problem."

"Then we keep Caesarion," said Selina in a slightly less concerned manner. "After all, I do love the handsome prince. You need to take my Catsuit and wipe it thoroughly, shred, and finally burn the pieces in a junkyard."

"Isn't that a little extreme?" asked Sabisia.

"Hell, no! This is Batman. Now that he's seen my face, he'll know who I am soon. My only hope is stopping him from proving it. Get to it. He could be here any minute now."

**Bruce's perspective:**

The entirety of Bruce's lunch and coffee breaks at work were spent researching all of the taller, athletic black women in Gotham City. Bruce was finally in reach of the one piece of evidence he needed to put Catwoman in the pound. Then she would have no choice but to rehabilitate and spill all she knew of the Gotham underworld in return for early parole. And Bruce would be that parole officer. Maybe more than that to her, but that was the unforeseeable future.

The only problem was that there were almost two million black women in Gotham. That left a lot of suspects to rule out. Bruce continued his research at home in his study. At one point, Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon arrived and Bruce told them that he couldn't patrol yet. Therefore they went without him.

Two hours and forty-eight minutes after returning to Wayne Manor, Bruce made a breakthrough. Selina Kyle looked exactly like the unmasked Catwoman that Batman and Mary Woods had seen. More reading revealed that Selina had the same love of cats and contempt for society that Catwoman did. _Yes, this is definitely the one._

**Selina's perspective:**

Selina went to the kitchen to pour two glasses of brandy and took them to the living room to Sabisia. "A toast for luck," requested Selina.

"I don't know," said Sabisia. "It's a quarter past eleven. He might not find you."

"No," Selina dismissed that out of hand. "He'll find me. That man in a goddamn genius! The only reason he hasn't put me away yet is because I played it nothing less than perfectly, even in that fight I lost to him, and thank God the cops were idiots who couldn't hold onto me. I'm going on trial, Sabisia. If I lose, I'm going up the river and my assets will be seized. Even if I escape, I'll be in poverty again and in every black book and 'Most Wanted' list in the world! I really think I need luck."

Sabisia took a glass. They two women gently touched their glasses together and drank.

"What will you do if they find you guilty?" asked Sabisia.

"I guess I'll have to suck up my pride and take Batman's deal," said Selina in a deadpan way. "Might be too late."

"I guess I'll be taken in as your accomplice," said Sabisia.

"You wish! I'll tell 'em you're The Catwoman." They both laughed at Selina's joke.

A few minutes short of midnight, Selina heard a voice on a megaphone say, "Selina Kyle - or Catwoman, whatever ya wanna be called - you're under arrest for numerous counts of burglary, aggravated assault, conspiracy, and illicit trade. This place is completely surrounded. Come out with yer front legs up!"

"We're coming down," shouted Selina reluctantly. "Don't fight it," she whispered to Sabisia. "We're not done yet." They went down the elevator and out the apartment lobby door.

"I told ya we'd get ya, bitch Cat," gloated the fat detective leading this bust as two uniformed officers slapped handcuffs on Selina and Sabisia.

"Do I know you, chubby?" asked Selina. She meant it. She could not remember ever seeing this man.

"You don't remember?" asked the Detective. "Ya scratched up Montoya here's face an' dislocated one o' my knees!"

"From what I hear about The Catwoman, who I most definitely am not," lied Selina, "You cops probably blend in for her. I know I can't recall any specific bugs that I step on."

"And yet we gotcha fer seven-to-twenty!"

"Not officially. And somehow I doubt you could catch more than shoplifters without the Caped Crusaders."

After a long check-in process, Selina was officially behind bars for the first time in her life. She shared a cell with a white female shoplifter who seemed for all the world like she hadn't made it past the first grade. She found it that hard to carry on a conversation This was going to be a long trial. Selina was ready to get some sleep when she heard knocking on the cell window. It was Batman.

"So The Dark Knight isn't so afraid of his feelings to talk after all," said Selina. "And I had so little faith after you weren't there for my arrest."

"I was watching from afar to see if you escaped."

"Whatever," smirked Selina. "I hope you're breaking me out or giving me a chance to vent professional and loving frustration on you. If you're here to gloat, I think I'll take the second option anyway."

"None of the above," said Batman. "I can still get you rehabilitated. You can be in society and free or against it and in prison. It's not a choice."

"Not so fast," cautioned Catwoman. "Still a trial. You haven't gotten me yet."

"All over but the shooting," declared Batman.

"On the contrary," argued Catwoman, "You don't have photos of my face or any of my equipment. No proof. So there may be a reasonable doubt."

"You don't give up, do you?"

"You never do. Why should I?"

"I don't give up because I fight for a just cause."

"A cause for a corrupt and evil status quo. Git, sexy! Before I have the guards order you away."

**Batman's perspective:**

Batgirl and Robin were waiting for Batman at the Batmobile and Batcycle. "What did she say?" asked Robin.

"The wrong things," said Batman.

"Let her say the wrong things," beamed Batgirl. "She's history!"

"I wish I could be sure of that," said Batman. "We really don't have that strong a case."

"We've got a photo of everything about her but her face. She's athletic. And Mary will identify her as Catwoman, hurt on cross-examination or not. It should be enough."

"She has yet to reveal her trump card," Batman revealed.

"If I didn't know better," noted Batgirl with a hard look at Batman, "I'd say you were hopeful she gets off."

Ignoring Batgirl, Batman continued, "Because her crimes are against the wealthy and she is said to be a generous donor to charities, civil rights groups, and environmentalists, especially conservationists, Selina will have a lot of public and financial support."

"We've got the law," said Batgirl. "We've got the facts."

"All she's got is changing the subject," said Robin.

"You're young," Batman said simply.

**Selina's perspective:**

While Selina and Sabisia could not use their stolen or illegally-gotten booty traded for money to fund their defense from jail, Batman's predictions of friendly organizations donating money came true. But it was not as though Selina didn't believe in these causes. In fact, these causes proved that The Catwoman was not really a villainess but a criminal with genuine convictions. Who said there was no honor among thieves?

The prosecutor in Selina and Sabisia's case was Patricia Franklyn. She had presented the photo of Selina unmasked and in Catwoman costume with her faced turned away from the camera. However, Catwoman and Selina's hair and body type were identical. So Selina and Sabisia's lawyer, Howie Feinstilt, told them that this was not a guaranteed acquittal.

After four days of evidence presentation, witness testimony, and Howie's rebuttals to them, it was time for the star witness: Mary Woods.

Mary entered the courtroom in handcuffs. She was a confessed kidnapper and attempted murderess who had been admitted into Arkham Asylum, after all. She took the witness stand and gave Selina a "See? I'm taking you out after all?" kind of look.

After a lot of mundane questioning, Franklyn asked, "Can you point to the face of the burglar that you kidnapped?" Immediately, Mary pointed at Selina.

"It's on you," whispered Selina to Howie. And it was true. If the jury believed Mary, the verdict would have to be guilty.

"Please," begged Sabisia. "I didn't do anything wrong but befriend a criminal. No offense, Selina."

As Howie walked over to Mary, Selina apologized, "Sorry I dragged you into this, Sabisia."

"I knew the risks," Sabisia smiled at her friend. "And we haven't been sent to any prison yet."

"Why did you go after The Catwoman?" asked Howie.

"To avenge my husband's death," explained Mary.

"That wasn't among the charges agai..." began Howie.

"Objection," interrupted Franklyn. "My witness's inability to substantiate her accusations have nothing to do with whether she can identify the defendant. That is her main purpose in this trial."

"Sustained," said Judge Robert Paine.

"How traumatic was the death of your husband?" asked Howie.

"Objection, relevance?" demanded Franklyn.

"Overruled," said Paine. "A trauma could affect Mrs. Woods ability to identify Ms. Kyle."

"After I get off of this stand," assured Mary, "I'll give the police a list of names for you. They'll tell you that I'm a great mother, then and now! Tough luck."

"I understand you came because of The Batman. You must have heard the rumors that he has an ongoing affair with Catwoman."

"If you're suggesting that I'm crushing on Batman," smiled Mary, "I don't feel anything for him but respect for a hero."

"How do we know that?" asked Howie.

"Objection," said Franklyn. "If Mr. Feinstilt is gonna accuse my client of lying under oath, he'd better justify that."

"I wasn't accusing her of lying," said Howie. He seemed to immediately realize that he had debunked himself by not standing by his attack. Selina placed her right palm over her face. _Making Mary look a victim ain't exactly what I'd hoped for._

"If Mr. Feinstilt has no valid objections to Mrs. Woods' testimony," demanded Franklyn, "I think this court should move on."

The jury was certainly not happy about this. Neither were Selina and Sabisia. _Ask better questions, dumbass! You haven't earned half of what we're paying you!_

"I... I..." Howie was stammering. Selina couldn't believe this. _You know our freedom depends on you and you're out of ammo? And ammo for what's been a toy gun so far!_

Howie finally asked, "Is it not true that you intended to eat Catwoman?" Laughter could be heard from the audience.

"Your honor, please end this," insisted an angry Franklyn.

"Of course," said Paine. "Mrs. Woods, I thank you for your time. We'll be in touch."

"Nonsense," said Mary. "I ain't got anything to hide. I was nervous about it when my husband first suggested it, but Catwoman is essentially an animal. So, yeah, I wanted to cook and eat her with the kids and their grandparents. They do it in different parts of the world, right?"

Selina looked at the jury. It looked repulsed. Howie may had come back from the brink. Was he related to Batman? Could he even be... no, that made no sense. Batman wanted Selina to be rehabilitated, not acquitted.

"Objection, objection," Franklyn shouted to the attention of everyone who was grossed out. "Witnesses with unpopular lifestyles come in here every day and have their testimonies respected."

"Agreed," said Paine. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, cannibalism has nothing to do with being able to recognize a suspect. Please disregard it."

**Batman's perspective:**

A week later, Batman, Robin, and Batgirl had shut down a drug dealing gang. "Something troubling you?" Batman asked Batgirl.

"It's Catwoman," said Batgirl. "Deliberations are going into the sixth day for what's a very simple case. If they've gone on this long..."

"Relax," said Robin. "Only Mary Woods and her dead, psycho husband's eating habits could get Catwoman off. Judge said it's off-limits."

"And what makes you think juries always listen?" asked Batman. Neither Robin nor Batgirl answered him.

**Selina's perspective:**

Nine days of deliberation had come and gone. It was time.

"We find the defendant, Selina Kyle..." began the foreman, "Not guilty."

Selina smiled and nodded. She was just as good at getting out of tight spots as Batman. Selina may not have had a secret identity anymore, but as long as she didn't let anyone but Sabisia or Caesarion see her changing clothes, it wouldn't matter. She patted Howie on the shoulder, and hugged Sabisia.

"Question is," asked Howie, "Did we win because they didn't believe Woods or because she's a cannibal?" "Who cares?" whispered Selina. "The important thing is, we're free." _Indeed, let the forces of greed and corruptions keep everything nailed down because The Catwoman was a criminal that capture could not stop!_

Returning to the apartment, Selina saw that half the place was checking out rather than be Catwoman's neighbors. Their cluelessness was duly noted.

Entering her living room, Caesarion lovingly tackled Selina. "Did you miss me, big boy?" asked Selina as she petted him.

It was just then that Selina sensed someone. It was a sense only a girlfriend or mortal enemy would notice. "Sabisia," she commanded, "Get Caesarion out of the room. Now. This isn't over after all." Sabisia did as she was told, though Caesarion wasn't happy about it.

Selina walked over to a shadow in a corner of the room and triumphantly grinned, "It's gotta be killing you. You know who I am but can't do anything with that information." She sensuously stretched her head back and rubbed her neck and left hip with her hands. "Or can you?"

Batman walked out of the shadow and to Selina. It wasn't clear if Selina would win another prize or not. "You know," said Batman, "If Mary had told anyone before her testimony that she wanted to eat you so Franklyn would be prepared for that, you'd be on your way to Blackgate Prison."

"After a year of this," Catwoman stared her opponent and doomed lover down with hands on her hips, "The time for moral victories is over. Might as well face it, baby, you can't catch me. I'd say, 'At least not that way,' but I don't think I'd be the predator there, baby! But if it's any consolation, you don't owe me anymore." _Freedom's fun. I get to gloat and I can see that he's one step away from literally throwing himself at me._

"You have bigger problems than me," said Batman.

"Come again?"

"I was thinking about Mary Woods. How all this started because her husband died trying to kill you. And you've also incurred the wrath of The Joker, Scarface, and Riddler in the past."

"Funny how you didn't mention that I went after The Joker and Scarface for you, not that you seem particularly thankful." If appealing to Batman's love didn't enable Selina to make a deal with him, maybe shame had a better chance.

"And," Batman ignored Selina, "You must have plenty of other enemies. Now they know who you are. You're not safe when you take off that costume anymore."

"What do you propose?"

"I have a hidden place. You share all you know about the Gotham underworld with me, I'll hide you there. They'll never find you. All you have to do is be straight. And if you want me... I won't push you away. After all, I would be indebted to you again."

"You can never accept me for what I am, can you?"

"No."

"Then I'm afraid our relationship has hit the brick wall once again."

"Like I said, it's the only way you're safe."

This time, Selina had to think about what she was going to say. She sighed. "Surely you know what it's like, Batman. I suck at math, but shouldn't you have been killed ten times by now?"

"Thirty-seven in my conservative estimate," corrected Batman.

"I think I'll take my chances with certain death as well," said Selina.

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm a fool who flirts with death. Like you. For now, the war continues until one of us wins or dies. Speaking of which..." Selina opened a glass door to the apartment balcony and looked. "I knew it. An attempted murder down below." It was a man pinning down another man and struggling to fatally stab him. Batman jumped over the balcony.

Somehow, Selina felt as though she shouldn't check to see whether Batman survived the fight he was about to get into.


	8. Blood, Water, and a Leader's Hard Choice

**Batman's perspective:**

The Malevolent Seven may have been a largely failed team of archcriminals, but catching all its former members was taking some doing. Half of them had required a difficult divide and conquer strategy for Batman and his team of crimefighters. The Riddler had been apprehended by The Batgirl and Catwoman. Bane had sent The Penguin into the hospital where he still was in as part of an attempt to frame crime boss Becky "The Hog" Traylor.

All that still left two remaining: Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. Batman wasn't sure why they had taken their time, but they had pulled a few robberies together over the last couple weeks. Apparently, Quinn was using her new friend, Ivy, to satisfy her psychological dependence on her foolishly beloved Joker, who was in a padded cell. Robin had even joked that Harley was being unfaithful. Batman really didn't care. They needed to be stopped.

Considering how long it had taken Ivy and Quinn to make whatever preparations they chose to make and the quick rate of their crimes, Batman figured that the pair of criminal vixens were seeking to hatch one of Ivy's green schemes. By now they had the money to pull off something big. That would probably be a store that dealt in expensive, exotic plants.

Sure enough, after these weeks of searching, Bruce Wayne found an online news story while at work one morning reporting that the police were racing to stop a robbery at Cindy's Treehouse. This was a store that dealt exclusively in plants and was, in fact, the best place in Gotham City to find rare plants. Bruce changed into his Batman outfit and used his Batglider to cross town to Cindy's Treehouse.

As he reached his destination with still no sign of police, Batman carefully listened through an open window while staying out of sight.

"You've been good boys," said the insincerely sweet voice of Poison Ivy. "Now, why don't you do one more favor for your baby." Batman peeked. It was two security guards holding pistols up to their own cheeks.

"Don't, please," pleaded Cindy herself. "They have wives." _My timing, not to mention luck, are still strong._

"Well, maybe this will teach them that you can't be soft on treacherous men," said Ivy, not mentioning that she exuded pheromones that had an almost supernatural effect on men.

"Yeah, my man may yell at, threaten, even hit me, but he ain't no cheater!" laughed Harley.

As Ivy groaned, Batman, despite agreeing with her disapproval of Harley's choice in a boyfriend, charged, jumped, and kicked at both women as they spun around too late to not be knocked down.

"Enter the apologist of the Earth killers," said Ivy. "Boys, he wants to hurt me." The guards immediately pointed their guns at Batman.

_Not a problem. I've been through this with three athletes last year. Their attraction didn't outlast an attempt on their lives, and Ivy's already crossed that line. _"She's using you," said Batman. "She's an eco-terrorist who hates men and, really, she doesn't even care that much for most women, just plants."

"Listen to him," Cindy chimed in. "She tried to make you kill yourselves. What kind of woman does that to her boyfriend?" But both guards cocked their guns. Maybe Ivy was right about these lusty fools after all.

Batman dodged a couple shots before throwing a pair of Batarangs that disarmed the men. Two punches and a kick knocked them out. Of course, Harley and Ivy were out of the store by then. Batman would have followed, but Cindy had been shot just above the breast and was screaming in pain. Helping her meant letting Harley and Ivy try whatever they were planning on doing with their ill-gotten plants, but Batman had always found ways of foiling those kinds of plots before.

Batman picked up the Batarangs that he had used to disarm the guards and sank both carefully into the wound to dig out the bullet. Cindy had stopped screaming. Now Batman got a bandage out of his belt and placed it firmly over the wound. "Are you alright," he asked. Cindy nodded.

Batman ran out of the store. No sign of Harley or Ivy. Without the Batmobile, he wasn't catching them. He snapped his fingers upon realizing this.

**Harley's perspective:**

It was like old times. Harley was driving the car after a successful job while her partner looked around for any pursuers. What fun! Only problem was that it wasn't the love of Harley's life she was driving home. No, it was Poison Ivy. Best friend and Harley would do anything for her, but she wasn't The Joker. Blood, even rough blood, was thicker than water.

"Harley, cops," warned Ivy. Harley looked at her rear view mirror. Three cop cars.

"Take the wheel, red," said Harley as she reached into the back seat for her bazooka.

"Ladies," said an officer over a megaphone, "Stop the car and come out with your hands up. You're under arrest for robbery." _How charmin'! _Harley leaned out the window.

"Hey, macho men," shouted Harley. "You caught yer pretty girls. Let's see if ya can handle us!" With that she revealed and aimed her bazooka. Waiting just long enough to see the officers' shock and horror, she blasted the roof of one car, killing both cops inside.

"They could only last a few seconds," Harley showed her disrespect for the dead. "What about you, boys? Or girls. I may be straight, but I'm open to new experiences. Think you can satisfy me?" She laughed out loud. It was a more girlish laugh than The Joker's, but the meaning of it was the same. Reminding herself that The Joker was still under lock and key made this a little less fun. Only a little.

The remaining two cars went out through an intersection. "Pussies," Harley shouted. "Win one game of "B"-ball and you scare 'em off!" Harley started laughing again and got back in her seat.

"You're a bitch," Ivy said playfully.

"I guess you'd prefer seducin' 'em before sendin' 'em to the clouds?" asked Harley.

"You've got to admit," said Ivy, "They die happier that way. Seriously, good work. You're a strong woman. Far too strong to want an abusive boyfriend again."

"Don't start."

"Why not? You don't need him. Or any man, for that matter."

"Hey, I may be strong, but I'm vulnerable. I crave companionship. And no offense, but you ain't him."

Ivy paused for a moment as if lost in thought before saying, "How about I get you a list of guys? Guys who won't take advantage of you. And I'll use my pheromones to smooth out their edges just in case."

"Same problem," said Harley. "There's only one Mistah J."

**The Joker's perspective:**

That night, Two-Face was watching a courtroom drama on one of the TVs in the rec room. The Joker sat down next to him and changed the channel to the news. "I was here first," complained Two-Face.

"Give me a break," whispered The Joker into Two-Face's ear. "Isn't it bad enough that I have to look at that face of yours when we pass by?" Two-Face growled and punched Joker in the face and off the couch.

"Guard," Joker pretended to be hurt, "He just slugged me."

"You know better than this, Dent," said a guard. "Maybe a week in the cell will teach you a lesson."

"But he insulted our face," Two-Face offered his case.

"Me? Insult a man's disability?" The Joker feigned offense. "I'm hurt."

"Shut up - both of you," commanded the guard. "C'mon, Dent." A reluctant Two-Face was walked away, leaving the remote control with The Joker.

As he chuckled to himself, Joker changed the channel to local news. _Has anybody killed my old friend Batsy? Let's hope not. Nobody hurts him but me! And what about Harley? Whatever she's been doing, she should be ready to break me out of here by now._

The Joker watched in fury as he saw that Harley Quinn had robbed a plant store with Poison Ivy. "How dare she?" asked Joker. Not only was Harley _not _breaking him out, she had forgotten about him to partner with the tree-hugger.

"Guess your girl's forgotten about you," laughed a nearby guard. "Wouldn't surprise me if she's a cheater. Straights do turn into bis and even gays, ya know. Wait till I tell everybody here that you couldn't satisfy your girlfriend, Joker!" He started laughing, and all the guards and inmates in the room joined him.

_Made fun of by one of the worker ants who think they can contain the great Joker. That is the last straw. _

"It's depressing," said The Joker. "I want to go to bed early."

The guard started to take The Joker back through the hallways, but Joker pick-pocketed the pistol out of the guard's holster, shot him in the gut, and took off. "I'll let you know when I get her..." The Joker stopped. "...Oh, wait. You're dead. What am I talking about?" He laughed hysterically as he began his dash towards the entrance.

The Joker's flight out of Arkham was periodically interrupted by breaks to shoot guards and pick up their guns so Joker never ran out of bullets. Because prison guards, unlike police officers, didn't have too have much combat training, this felt like stepping on bugs. Eventually, The Joker got out and fled into the woods. He turned to shoot two more guards so they would give him a head start to Gotham.

It was a long run to town, but Joker spent every second of it thinking about Harley. She had some explaining to do.

**Batman's perspective:**

"Brace yourselves for a busy night," Batman told Batgirl and Robin. "The Joker's out of Arkham again."

"No sweat," said Robin, referring to The Malevolent Seven. "We've taken out a bunch of them before."

"They were together," said the cautious Batgirl. "This time, they're not in a spot where we've got the chance to nab 'em all at once!"

"Obviously, we need to split up," said Batman. "Robin's with me in the Batmobile. Batgirl, you chase your leads on the Batcycle."

As they drove away, Robin asked, "I wonder why Gordon's not calling us."

"He probably knows we're on the case," explained Batman. He and Robin began searching. They did stop a couple crimes in an hour's time before the Batmobile's police radio sounded. "Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Two ladies have heisted Jenny's." That was a jewelry store named after not the male owner, but his daughter.

"I don't get it," said Robin. "I thought the plant robbery was to set up one of Ivy's plots. They should have everything they need by now."

"Unless these ladies aren't Ivy and Quinn, I'm puzzled too," said Batman. Robin seemed surprised that Batman wasn't sure that it was Ivy and Quinn. "There are millions of women in Gotham, Robin."

Eventually, the Batmobile caught up to a car speeding away with Harley, Ivy, and a large, bundled-up sack inside. "Looks like they're the ladies we have to escort," said Robin. "To Arkham to be specific." Batman used the Batmobile's Batgrapple to hook the car by the bumper. Harley leaned out the driver's window, bazooka in hands. The rocket broke the cable and sent the Batmobile spinning out of control.

"Byeee," called Harley blowing The Dynamic Duo a kiss.

"Harley's got a bazooka?" asked Robin.

"She does now," realized Batman.

"So, what now?"

"They haven't lost us that easily. Ivy favors the countryside, and I know which way out of town that path takes her."

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl knew that Batman and Robin would be in pursuit of Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. That freed Batgirl up to look for The Joker. He'd reportedly been seen with three men, one of whom had been identified as J.R. Swinney, who frequented a bar known as Lou's.

Batgirl barged into Lou's and sat on a bar stool. "Lou," she said forcefully. "Over here."

"Another pretty girl wants a tequila?" asked Lou, walking towards Batgirl.

"I'll buy," said a nearby patron. A few others volunteered. Ever since the professional news web site _Gothic Report_ had stopped bashing Batman and Robin, what they and Batgirl were doing seemed more appreciated.

"Thanks anyway," Batgirl said to the patrons before facing Lou again and seizing him by the shirt. "I want something else from you."

"I ain't met the girl who can resist me," grinned Lou, "But I'm afraid you're too young for me. Maybe in a few..."

"Don't flatter yourself," Batgirl interrupted to laughter throughout the bar. "J.R. Swinney is one of your regular customers. I think he works for The Joker. Tell me what you know."

"I might know somethin'," said Lou, "But I can't rat on him. Not even to a pretty girl like you."

"Maybe you can rat to this counter when your face meets it?" asked Batgirl.

Lou was surprised. "You'd do that?"

"Think I'm a sweet girl who wouldn't cross the lines Batman would. Well, you're not exactly dissuading me."

"C'mon," seconded the first patron to offer to buy Batgirl a drink. "This is important. Tell her." He pounded the table, as did the others who'd offered to buy Batgirl drinks.

In his fear, Lou said, "OK, he's got the leased small building a few blocks west of here. Happy, bitchgirl?"

"She's not a bitch," said the first patron.

"Yeah," agreed the others.

Batgirl was tempted to let the bartender who wanted to protect a murderer get his, but she knew that wouldn't be right. "Don't hurt him, guys. You can't put fires out with gasoline." Her supporters calmed down.

"I think you saved my life," said a grateful Lou.

"More than you deserve," said Batgirl.

Riding the Batcycle to leased property west of Lou's, like he said it would be, Batgirl entered to find J.R. Swinney. "I give up," said J.R.

"Where's The Joker?" asked Batgirl.

"This way," J.R. lead her upstairs into room with a large monitor on the wall but no door or windows in which The Joker seemed to stand.

Batgirl ran at The Joker and seemed surprised when he didn't react to the sound of Batgirl running or the flying kick. Off came the head of the white mannquin with a purple suit, green wig, and red lipstick. Batgirl realized then that she had been tricked

Suddenly, a steel gate slammed on the open entrance. Batgirl and J.R. were trapped in the room. "What's the meaning of this?" demanded Batgirl to J.R.

Suddenly, The Joker appeared on the monitor. He seemed to be in a rural setting for some reason. "Why waste time on that slob when I'm here?"

"What do you want?" asked Batgirl.

"What's mine," said Joker. "And what's mine is Harley Quinn. Poison Ivy stole her from me, but I'm gonna show her that blood is thicker than water."

"And if Harley has sense enough to end your disgusting little relationship?" inquired Batgirl.

"That would sad..." began The Joker with a heartbroken look on his face. "...For her. As for you, I'd really hoped for old friend Batsy."

"Sorry to disappoint you," said Batgirl.

"Apology accepted, especially since this will no doubt make him want to die of guilt." With that, The Joker cackled in delight.

"That's not true," said Batgirl. "I walked into this trap. It's up to me to get myself out."

"What he doesn't know can hurt him inside," Joker kept laughing.

"Boss," said J.R., "How do I get out of here?"

"So sorry," said Joker. "You shouldn't have come in."

"This isn't right," begged J.R. "I've done all you asked."

"Except not be an idiot," corrected Joker. "I Never did like you, anyway. Au revoir."

"Lie down with dogs..." chastised Batgirl.

"Dogs are much bigger and stronger than bats," retorted The Joker. "Now to prove it. Ciao!" Gas began seeping in through the vents in the ceiling. No doubt the kind of gas that killed people with the lips pulled up into a smile.

"You gotta get us outta here," a scared J.R. gripped Batgirl by the high front part of her cape.

"You're not making it any easier," said Batgirl. "Hold your breath and nose. Don't stop holding them for anything. I'll do what I can."

"What if that's not enough?" asked J.R. frantically.

"Then we're dead. Don't look at me like that. I answered your question. Hold your breath and Nose. Now! The gas is about to reach us."

J.R. finally held his breath, nose, and seemed to be trusting in Batgirl. _About damn time! Almost got us both killed. _Batgirl held her breath and used her left hand to pinch her nose. She had only one free arm left to get them out of the room. And she had to do it quickly.

Batgirl was stumped. There were no explosives in her belt. How were they going to get out? The gas would last a lot longer than Batgirl and J.R.'s breaths. Then something occurred to Batgirl. The steel gate looked thinner than the concrete opening surrounding it. Batgirl picked up her Batgrapple with her free hand and moved three meters back from the gate so the Batgrapple with have the range to build power.

She fired the Batgrapple. The gate was dented. Batgirl began repeatedly retracting and shooting it to weaken the gate. After thirteen shots, she noticed that J.R. was running out of air. Wouldn't be too much longer before Batgirl needed air either. She delivered a running jump kick to the weakened gate that knocked it over. She and J.R. rushed out of the place.

"Thanks," said J.R. "You saved me. The media may call you a sidekick, but you're a real hero in my book."

"All I did was get us out of a trap I walked into," Batgirl blushed. "Any idea where The Joker's going?"

"589 Brunswick Lane," said J.R.

"Tell you what," offered Batgirl. "You tell the police - and I'm gonna check to see if you did - that this place needs to be condemned and that you'll testify against The Joker, and I won't take you in."

"Thanks."

"Go. I've got work to do."

**Poison Ivy's perspective:**

Harley had nearly driven herself and Poison Ivy back to their trailer home among tall grass and just miles away from the woods. "Y'know, Red," warned Harley. "B&R are really good at trackin' people they're chasin'. I think we should move."

"Oh, no," refused Ivy. "I'm through running. I say we weed The Dynamic Duo once and for all, if you'll pardon the bad, but fitting, pun!"

"I ain't afraid of them," Harley assured Ivy, "It's just that I've tried to kill them before. So have so many others."

"Believe you can't stop them and you won't," Ivy coached her younger partner. "They can be outsmarted. They're men, after all. The Batman knows me. Thinks he knows what my methods are. I'm petite and don't know how to fight but I'm a brilliant botanist who specializes in mutant plants and seduction. You're a follower with athletic ability and street smarts. Batman expects us to stay indoors and defend ourselves with my brains and your brawn. So we won't do any such thing."

"What have ya got in mind, red?" asked Harley.

"I've got yellow camouflage clothes and face paint to keep us hidden in the tall grass. We'll water the grass for the last fifty meters to the trailer..." she got a large bowl out of drawer, "...With this."

"Your chemistry set?" asked Harley, puzzled.

"You have no appreciation for science," Ivy sighed. "Even to those with our immune systems, this mixture of powerful plant liquid has a very powerful frangrance."

"Ugh," Harley sniffed it. "disgustin'."

"And to the persistent males 'courting' us, it's a lot worse than disgusting. Which, by the way, has an 'ing' sound."

"Nerd."

"Batman loves the element of surprise. This time, he's the one who will be surprised."

"Cool!"

"Mm-hmm. Of course, I'd ordinarily be no match for even a half-dead Batman or Robin, let alone both."

"That's _my _department." Harley chuckled evilly after saying that, and Poison Ivy put an arm around her neck in approval.

"Just remember that we're hiding in the grass. Don't come out until I say so."

**Batman's perspective:**

"You were right," said Robin. "We've been trailing Harley and Ivy because they left peculiar tire tracks, gusts of wind that pushed grass to the side, and other clues."

"It's next to impossible to leave no evidence when you're in a hurry, as they were," said Batman. "And it's about to be over for them."

The Batmobile stopped ahead of a large field of tall yellow grass. "Be quiet and discreet," said Batman as they walked towards the familiar car parked beside a trailer.

After a majority of the tall grass was behind them, Batman began feeling drowsy. "Robin," he said, "Are you feeling..." He cut himself off to look to his rear diagonal-left. _Nothing out of the ordinary. _"...All right?"

"No," said Robin. "I feel sick. Well, not sick exactly, but my head sure wants a pillow."

Batman took another look to his rear diagonal-left. _Could've sworn I saw grass move over there. _He and Robin walked forward some more before Batman stopped and looked rear diagonal-left again.

"Why do you keep looking that way?" asked Robin.

"Because I have a feeling," whispered Batman, "That if my eyes were one hundred percent, I'd be spotting two psychotic ladies camouflaged in the grass like the Special Forces." At Robin's reaction, Batman again whispered, "No rash action. We're in no condition to handle two archcriminals. Don't run, either. They'll know we're onto them. We make it look like we don't think anything's here, calmly return to the Batmobile for medicine and gas masks, and then return."

"I don't think there's anything here," said Robin out loud.

"Just another rural pair," Batman pretended to dismiss the trailer. They walked back towards the Batmobile.

Batman felt something very hard knock him down. Robin was decked as well. Batman could just barely dodge the third swing of Harley Quinn's baseball bat.

As Batman and Robin rolled to get a little distance and struggled to stand with temporarily sloppy bodies, Harley said, "Sick animals can't help themselves. It may be better to put 'em outta their misery."

"How come you're not sick?" asked Robin.

"Because what made us made us the women we are tonight," called Poison Ivy eleven from meters behind Harley, "Have left Harley immune to most poison and me to all poison on Earth! Unfortunately, you guys don't have this gift. You could really use it right now." Ivy then pretended to cry for her enemies.

Batman delivered a kick to Harley's bat to knock it out and failed. She knocked Batman back down with a blow to the elbow and a swing to Robin's jaw downed him as well.

"Man, if we were sober, we'd show them," complained Robin to Batman as they fell back. They were now hurt as well as groggy. They wouldn't last much longer.

"What's your point?" asked Batman. Robin shrugged. They each threw three Batarangs, all of which were blocked by Harley's bat.

"You aim's not so hot," critiqued Harley. "You guys have been workin' too hard. I'll help you rest." She giggled as she pounded the bat into her hand.

"So what's the plan boss?" asked Robin.

"We have to stick together and play it defensively," said Batman. "Until our strength returns, neither of us can hold our own with her alone. We attack together only when I say so." The plan was to block and dodge until Harley made a mistake.

Harley charged. The adolescent Robin lost his cool and charged as well. "Robin, no," shouted Batman. But it was too late. Harley blocked a side kick with her bat, causing Robin to fall, clutching his right thigh in pain from the feedback of unexpectedly kicking a hard object.

Harley raised her bat to take the finishing swing. Batman knocked her away from Robin with a flying kick, though Batman himself could no longer land on his feet. He crawled over to Robin and asked, "How's you leg?"

"Fine," said Robin.

"You better not be telling me what I want to hear."

"One side, Harley," ordered Ivy. Batman faced her just in time to see Ivy flick liquid contents of a bowl at Robin and him. While their suits offered protection against the liquid, Batman's face felt like it was on fire! Batman tried to fight through the pain, but the wooziness and pain left him unable to get up. Robin was in the same situation.

"Dynamic Duo... gotcha," Ivy declared victory. "A woman's touch has stopped you dead in your tracks."

"Won't be a figure of speech for long," Harley threatened with a smile.

"I took the fight out of you by mixing the components from plants with strong fragrances and sprinking them on our lawn," explained Ivy. "What I finished you off with was much simpler: rue sap. I'm sure you guys feel charred to the skull, but you actually have several days to treat it before it gets all that bad. What you're feeling now is a burning sensation. Nothing more."

_Robin, why the Hell did you run at Quinn? You knew there was no room for mistakes._

Harley and Ivy high-fived each other. "Get his other leg," said Ivy as she gripped Batman's ankle. They dragged him by them over to the side of the trailer, then came back for the still-incapacitated Robin. "Now, to decide just how their demise shall happen..."

**The Joker's perspective:**

The Clown-Prince of Crime had hit the gas after leaving the city limits and its higher number of cops than those found outside Gotham City. He'd managed to trace a text that the street-smart but not exactly smart-smart Harley, as much as The Joker loved her, had been stupid enough to send without her tough boyfriend's necessarily harsh rules and enforcement of them. The reason he had hit the gas was because he couldn't wait until Harley came back to him or chose death.

"Do you have to drive so fast?" Larry, one of Joker's men, asked.

"Do you know why none of the smarter criminals want me to hire them, whether they like it or not?" asked Joker.

"No," said Larry. _Figures. Larry's a Moron._

"Well, ask me that question again and you'll find out." Larry seemed smarter than he looked, because he shut up.

_Honey, you're coming home. One way or another._

**Batman's perspective:**

Poison Ivy knelt down directly over Batman, who was still woozy, and whose face still felt like it was burning. The pheromonal attractant of Ivy was in effect. In this state, Batman couldn't be sure that he could resist the sexy woman who had once been Pamela Isley.

"Admit it," taunted Ivy. "I, a woman, am much smarter than you."

"On this night," Batman had to admit, "You put one over on us."

"Mm-hmm," acknowledged Harley.

"Very evolved," Ivy praised Batman. "As a reward, your death will be pleasant." She leaned down, toxic lips in a kissing motion.

"That ain't gonna work," objected Harley. "They'll like it." Batman had gotten a stay of execution. He might have been afraid of the more painful death that Harley undoubtedly had in mind for him and Robin, but gruesome childhood memories of the murders of his parents left Batman beyond fear of such things.

"What do you suggest?" asked Ivy, looking at Harley.

"I want them to feel pain," Harley grinned evilly. "Gasoline and a bazooka."

"Ew," said Ivy, getting off Batman and walking towards Harley. "Just how I'd expect a tomboy to do away with them."

"Nerd."

"Barbarian."

"Poindexter."

"Surrendered, battered girlfriend."

"You leave Mistah J outta this!"

Poison Ivy sighed. "Fine. I'll get a quarter."

"Settlin' this Two-Face style?"

"Yeah." Ivy looked at Batman and Robin with a savage smile. "Don't let them out of your sight." Then Ivy walked into the trailer. She was wearing camouflage clothes without pockets so she hadn't a quarter on her person.

"I've heard of quarrelsome girlfriends," whispered Robin to Batman, "But this is ridiculous."

"Remember," whispered Batman, "They're not ordinary women. They're insane. Their minds don't work like those of regular people."

"Whatever you guys are plannin'," grinned Harley, "Please, please, please, give me an excuse." She again pounded her bat into her left hand

Robin carefully whispered, "Any ideas?"

"I've sent a distress signal to the Batsignal," Batman whispered. "Gas won't work on them and Quinn blocked our Batarangs even before Ivy hit us with that rue sap. Batgirl's pretty much our only chance."

"Think she'll come?"

Batman sighed. "When we parted ways in the Batcave, she had no reason to believe that we were going to need help. And if she didn't check for messages, we're not getting any help. And if she found The Joker but hasn't caught him yet..."

Robin said nothing. Ivy came back out with a quarter. "Heads," she said, "They die happy. Tails, you can blow them up."

"How come you get to be heads?" asked Harley.

"Because I'm the smart one," boasted Ivy. "That's why." She flipped the coin.

"I won! I won," declared Harley. Ivy was frowning. "Now, now, don't be a sore loser. I'll get the bazooka and gasoline."

"First of all," said Ivy. "I don't have to watch this ugliness. Second, you're not killing any grass for this little game of yours. Take them to the dirt road. And, no, I won't compromise on this."

"Fine, tree-hugger," said Harley. She loaded Batman, Robin, the bazooka, and a tank of gasoline into a car and drove them away.

"Don't you try nothin'," said Harley, pistol in hand. "I'll give you somethin' down there and it won't be a BJ!"

Upon reaching the dirt road, Harley dragged Batman and Robin away, poured the gasoline on them, and drove a distance away.

"What are we gonna do?" asked Robin. He and Batman were still weak.

"When she's about to shoot, cover yourself totally in your protective cape."

"Will it save us?" Robin perked up upon hearing an idea.

"I don't know."

"I understand." Robin's spirits were down again, but Batman wasn't about to lie to him.

Harley hummed a dirge Batman had heard numerous times at funerals before firing. Batman and Robin covered themselves in their capes. Batman felt intense heat but not pain.

"Buh-bye," called Harley. She drove away. Batman and Robin got up. Their capes had saved them, though the capes themselves were ruined. And they would have been needed to get through the wall of flames that now surrounded The Dynamic Duo. They weren't out of this yet.

"What now?" asked Robin.

"Stay inside until the flames go out," commanded Batman. "And hope they don't spread inward first."

"That's not very reassuring."

Batman couldn't tell how much time had passed. At least ten minutes. Maybe a hour. But his heart rose at the sound of the Batmobile. The flames were put out by the fire extinguisher Batman kept in the Batmobile.

"Guess I arrived just in time," said Batgirl.

"Never underestimate a woman's touch," Robin lurched over to Batgirl and hugged her as best as he could in his condition.

"We weren't necessarily going to die," said Batman, though survival would have otherwise been unlikely, "But thanks for your help. We've been drugged and our faces are burning."

"On it," promised Batgirl.

**Poison Ivy's perspective:**

Ivy was watering her plants when a joyful Harley barged in.

"They're toast," declared Harley, jumping and cartwheeling for joy.

"Other than the way you did it, well-done," Ivy hugged her.

But then the sound of a car driving up to the trailer could be heard. Harley and Ivy checked through a window. It was The Joker and two hirelings of his. _So prince charmless wants his punching bag back. Not if I can help it!_

The Joker and his men entered. Harley instantly jumped into Joker's arms and hugged him. _What a doormat!_

"So I guess this is goodbye," said Ivy reluctantly. As big a mistake as Harley was making, she was a grown woman.

"Permanently," said The Joker. "Boys?"

"Do you have to?" asked Harley.

"She tried to take you from me," said Joker. "Of course, I do. She's got to answer for that." But with luck, The Joker was the one who would end up dead, now that he'd given Ivy a reason to kill him.

Ivy activated her pheromones as Joker's men put their pistols in Ivy's face. "You don't really want to hurt me, do you?" she asked in mock horror.

"No," said both men.

"He does," Ivy pointed at The Joker. They pointed their guns at him.

"What the Hell is this?" asked Joker. "You're my men."

"_Were _your men," grinned Ivy. "Now they're mine. Shoot him."

"W-why don't Mistah J an' I just go back to town an' get our own henchmen? You can have 'em."

"Sorry, Harley," said Ivy. "He tried to kill me. He has to die."

"We're mortals," said The Joker. "We all have to die." With that, he ripped open his shirt to reveal a time bomb strapped to him. "Once I activate this, you can either abandon your weeds or let me torch those outside. Lovely choice you have there, Pammy!"

Ivy went from happy to nervous. "Shit! Fine. You're free to go."

The Joker began laughing. "I thought I was the comedian."

"OK, Harley will go with you if you want."

"Bye, Red," Harley waved her goodbye.

"You just don't get it, do you, Pammy?" asked The Joker with a broad smile. "You have rules and morals. More extreme and twisted ones than Batsy's, but you have them. Me? I don't believe in rules. And I find all life, including my own, to be a joke. This bomb is the punchline. Ergo, I have the leverage to make you do anything I want you to do."

Ivy knew he was right. She could save herself and Harley, but not without sacrificing a lot of plants. And that was something she could not do. "What do you want?" she asked.

"For you to start calling me 'Sir,'" said Joker.

Ivy sighed. The Joker had her over a barrel. "Can we at least make governments stop deforestation and pollution, sir?" Ivy practically choked on the last word.

"Compatible with the pranks I play, if only because I don't care about plants or animals," said Joker. _Then this might work out professionally. Although emotionally, it'll suck worse than Arkham!_

"Boys, guns," commanded The Joker to his men. They handed the pistols over and were shot dead. "Justice for traitors," said Joker in an aristocratic, Renaissance Age accent. "Now, Ivy, Harley and I have some catching up to do." Joker placed his right hand on Harley's left shoulder; she immediately swooned. "Make yourself useful and prepare us a candlelight dinner."

"Yes, Sir," said Ivy. Working for The Joker served the greater good for now, but the day of the double-cross was coming.

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman felt much better. Ten minutes after he'd taken some of the antigens in the Batmobile, he was still not one hundred percent, but well enough.

"How are you?" he asked Robin.

"Getting there."

"Then break out the gas masks. We're going."

As Batman, Batgirl, and Robin went back to the trailer, Robin asked, "How'd you know, Batgirl?"

"The Joker caught me in his own death trap," explained Batgirl. "I survived. Saw flames in the distance. Figured I'd put them out."

Entering the trailer, they saw The Joker and Harley Quinn eating dinner together in the kitchen as Poison Ivy brooded on the living room couch.

"No," screamed Harley. "I blew you guys to Hell."

"I see their princess in shining armor showed up," guessed Ivy.

"As if you bitches could kill my old 'pal' Batsy before me," laughed The Joker. "Well, don't just stand there in disbelief. Help me rectify your ineptitude."

The fight was on. Without his cape, Batman had to dodge the acid from The Joker's flower until it ran out. Joker drew a pistol and began shooting. He was very accurate; he'd maneuvered Batman into a fall onto his back when the gun clicked. Batman lunged and decked the clown with a right cross.

Robin dodged several swings of Harley Quinn's bat, some of which knocked objects over. Eventually, Harley slipped on a piece of broken glass and fell. Robin held the bat down under his boot and said, "Don't make a mess."

Batgirl blocked some rue sap with her cape, then caught Poison Ivy in a Batbola.

"Once again, you've all lost," declared Batman.

"Not yet," said Joker. He pressed the button on the bomb strapped to him.

"Uh-oh," realized Batgirl and Robin at the same time.

"Get the other two out of here fast," ordered Batman. Seeing that his young comrades were hesitating, Batman yelled, "Now!"

"Please," said Ivy, "My plants are on the kitchen counter."

"I'll get 'em," said Robin as he did so. "A gentleman never argues with a lady." After he secured the plants in his arms, he chuckled. "You got me. We just have no time." He, Batgirl, Harley, and Ivy were running out. They were saved.

Trouble was, who was going to save Batman or The Joker? "Turn it off," he said.

"No can do," said Joker. "This is the perfect way for our rivalry to conclude."

_Not exactly what I needed to hear. Better let him... who am I kidding? I couldn't let him die without trying to reason with him any more than I push over a skyscraper._

**Robin's perspective:**

"What's taking him so long?" asked a worried Batgirl.

"Use your brain," suggested Ivy. "If you even have one."

"He'll do it," Robin kept the faith. "He always does."

Sixteen seconds later, the sound of an explosion could be heard. Soon-after, the trailer caved in.

"No," shouted Batgirl, Robin, and Harley in disbelief, even if they were not all afraid for the same man.

"Yes," shouted Ivy. She began giggling like a schoolgirl. "That was so sweet! One big ka-boom and The Dark Earth Killer and Clown Prince of Domestic Abuse are both out of my beautiful hair."

"Wrong," insisted Robin. "He made it out. Not that I'm happy about that either, but he probably saved dipshit, too! You'll see."

Ivy laughed at that, much to Robin's ire. "I would've guessed you to be old enough to drive a car by now, boy," said Ivy.

"She might be right," Batgirl said softly.

"Watch and learn," Robin refused to doubt Batman. Within a few minutes, a gloved arm pushed some trailer wreckage away. "What did I tell you, ladies?"

Batman got up, although worse for wear. "Thank God," said an overjoyed Batgirl.

"Where's my puddin'?" demanded Harley.

"I waited until the last second," assured Batman.

"Murderer," cried Harley as she tried to charge at Batman, but was restrained by Robin and Batgirl. "He tried to save your screwed-up boyfriend," Robin tried to point out.

"Don't bother," said Ivy. "She's lost all reason when it comes to the clown."

"At least she understands love and not just using the lust of others," said Batgirl.

"Since there wasn't anything we could have done to save The Joker," concluded Robin, "All's well that ends well."

"Not this time," said Batman. "You nearly got us killed tonight. We'll discuss that later."

That cheered Harley up. "Robin's in trouble, Robin's in trouble," she sang.

**Bruce's perspective:**

Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, and Barbara Gordon were sitting down together in Wayne Manor. Barbara preempted the grilling Dick had been promised by saying, "Just checked the local news sites on my phone. They couldn't find The Joker's body. They say he couldn't have survived, that he must have been disintegrated. But who really knows?"

"If he survived," said Bruce, "He'll be a problem tomorrow. The current issue is Dick's future on this team. I hate firing people. It doesn't feel good to fire people you know and like. It feels even worse if the person being fired thinks he or she might be fired, as you have to right now, Dick. But sometimes it's necessary."

There was a long pause. "Do you have anything to say?" Bruce asked Dick.

"What is there to say?" asked Dick.

"You won't fight to remain my partner?" asked a surprised Bruce.

"If you insist," said Dick. "Why am I fired?"

"Remember how Batgirl had to save us?" reminded Bruce.

"I'd do it again," said Batgirl.

"Good to know," acknowledged Bruce, "But what got Batman and Robin in trouble was that with them weakened, Batman knew that they had to play it carefully and defensively. Yet Robin still lunged at Quinn. He got himself hurt. As Batman checked the sore leg of Robin, Ivy had the chance to finish them with rue sap."

"I know I screwed up," admitted Dick. "It won't happen again."

"I wish I could believe that," said Bruce. "But it's been a year of this and you still seem as green as the first night you put on that suit. You haven't learned from your mistakes. Batgirl has."

"Girls mature faster than guys," said Dick.

"No excuses," said Bruce sternly. "Not in this line of work. You're either great or you're dead. We could have been killed. I'm ending this before you do."

"Listen," said Barbara, "I can help him get back on track. We'll spar right now."

"I'd thought that you loved him," said Bruce.

"I... guess I do," said Barbara.

"Then you should let me do this," said Bruce. "He can't last like this."

Dick looked at him hard. "All right, Bruce. I'll just have to prove I can grow into this role. I'll make my own costume and crimefighter name and leave town. I hear Bludhaven's as bad as Gotham was before we showed up."

"You want to go it alone?" asked Barbara.

"Didn't you go it alone for awhile?" asked Dick.

"Y-yeah," said Barbara. "But with me... the thing is..."

"What she means," explained Bruce, "Is that she has a level head and you don't."

"Then I'm going," said Dick. "It's the only way to prove myself to you. To both of you."

"You turned eighteen weeks ago," understood Bruce. "There's nothing I can do to stop you. But you won't make it without us catching you when you fall."

"You don't know that," said Dick. "Maybe having to fight alone will give me the motivation to stop making so many mistakes."

"Or you could die," said Barbara.

"It's my life," Dick reminded her and Bruce.

"If this is your decision," said Bruce, "You've got our support to the end. I'll make sure you've got a college admission lined up for you in Bludhaven. But what are its people going to know you by night as?"

"I'll let you know," said Dick.


	9. Guerilla Warfare, Part I

**Al Traylor's perspective:**

Al Traylor had gone to a restaurant with his son Joey and the family lawyer/accountant, Yuji Takahan. As they had known would happen, three members of the Dimiquen crime family's leadership showed up. While rthe Traylor family's relations with the other crime families had been tense for months, they were nothing short of hostile with the Dimiquens.

"They look calm," said Yuji.

"To you," said Al. "You ain't seen much action. Ah mean real action, not work behind a desk. They're targetin' us. But they're tryin' not to _look _like they're targetin' us. The Dimiquens want a war."

"Hmm," Yuji thought out loud. "You're right. They're discussing whether or not to kill us as soon as we walk out."

"How can you tell?" asked a surprised Joey.

"He may not too high-fallutin' to understand people, Son," Al chose to be the one who explained, "But he can read lips."

"All right," Joey patted Yuji on the shoulder. "Only problem is, we may hafta - Oh, shit! They're comin'." The three Dimiquens were advancing towards Al, Yuji, and Joey.

"So," said the oldest Dimiquen in the restaurant, Cladiv, said. "It's the crew that takes orders from a girl."

"A girl who could take you all by herself," Al defended his little sister.

"I see we've got a difference of opinion," laughed Cladiv. "Maybe one day, when your business is in rubble, I'll give the fat chick a chance to show what a fit body does for you."

Al saw that Joey was ready to start a fight. "Easy, lad," Al tried to calm him down. It's a free country."

"Unlike their old country," said Yuji, smiling. "Mine, on the other hand, is as much a model of democracy as this one." Yuji was referring to Japan.

"Don't forget that we kicked your asses in World War II," said one of Cladiv's associates.

"With the help of America," said Joey with pride. "Home of the free and land of the brave." Like many southerners, Joey was quite the patriot.

"And together with America," added Yuji, "We kicked your asses in the Cold War."

"Enough history," said Al. "Why don't we settle this? Us fightin' is just what the cops and Batman want."

"Well, if our boss got a new maid..." suggested Cladiv. His entire trio of gangsters laughed at this joke Al knew his sister was the butt of.

"Becky 'The Hog' Traylor ain't no maid," insisted Al.

"I was talking about you since Reggie had no son," Cladiv and his partners laughed again.

Al said nothing. Within minutes, the Dimiquens had left. After finishing their meals, Al, Joey, and Yuji walked towards the door.

"Wait a minute," thought Al. "After they insulted us, this is the perfect time."

"You suspect an attack?" asked Yuji.

"Ah'll look straight ahead," said Al. "You two cover your sides of me."

A few steps out of the restaurant, Yuji said, "There!" Al saw that he, Joey, and Yuji were being threatened with guns by the Dimiquens they had just traded insults with, though they now wore beenies to hide their identities.

Al knew that this was going to test all his skill as a game hunter. He drew his automatic pistol as fast as he could and got off three shots at the chests of the three Russian thugs as fast as possible! They all fell dead.

"How'd you get them all before they could get off a shot?" asked Yuji, sighing with relief.

"A hunter's gotta be quick and accurate," said Al proudly.

"Let's go," whispered Joey urgently. "These Yankees are callin' the cops."

"Uh-uh," said Al. "They can't prove nothin' but that we defended ourselves. In fact, we should take the questions from the cops, just to be safe."

"Besides," Yuji agreed with Al, "If the Dimiquens find out that Al killed their people quick, they might send more after us. But only an idiot would kill someone who's surrounded by policemen."

This was the seventeenth time Al had been brought in for questioning. He, Joey, and Yuji knew what to expect. As expected, Lieutenant, Marc Freeman, Detective Harvey Bullock, and Sargeant Renee Montoya entered the interrogation room where the three members of the Traylor cartel were.

"Face it," Bullock said with force. "You just barely survived this. An' that was before the gang war this will start. You're dead. We couldn't protect you if you were a priority, and you ain't." _Not even implyin' that we didn't go by self-defense laws? What the Hell's goin' on?_

"Now, now," said Montoya. "If they cooperate, there has to be something we can do for them."

"Cut the good cop/bad cop crap," said Joey. "What do you want?"

"Getting into the Witness Protection Program would be good," suggested Freeman.

"And abandon all we've fought for, what Reggie Traylor died for?" asked Yuji incredulously.

"What's more important?" asked Freeman. "Your illegitimate business or your lives?"

"Are you accusin' us of anything?" asked Al.

"Not as far as I can tell," admitted Freeman.

"Then we'll go," smiled Al.

Arriving back at the Traylor-owned restaurant, Country Buffet, Al entered the office of his sister and boss, Becky "The Hog" Traylor.

"Ah know what you're gonna say," said The Hog. "Ah've been called by their boss, Riko Dimiquen. He wants me to come meet with him tomorrow and make a deal."

"We got a way out of this after all.," Al sighed with relief.

"A way out, sure. But Ah ain't goin to the meetin'."

"What? Why?"

"'Cause if Ah did, Ah know Ah wouldn't leave it alive."

"You sure?"

"More than Ah've ever been in my life. You don't trust people who you can't be sure didn't mean to kill your men."

"Is this it?"

"Not necessarily. This could blow over. Ah'm reachin', I know. Keep your eyes peeled."

**Batman's perspective:**

After they had foiled their third crime of the night, Batman and Batgirl noticed the Batsignal in the sky. They got in the Batmobile to answer it.

"I think you should handle this without me," said Batgirl.

"Why?" asked Batman. "You seem able enough to talk to others."

"It's not that," explained Batgirl. "That's Dad calling us. If he gets a good look at me, I might be given away by little things that only a father would notice."

"A reasonable concern," understood Batman. "I can handle this." When the Batmobile reached GCPD HQ, he got out and Batgrappled to the rooftop alone.

"Another Arkham escapee?" Batman surprised Commissioner James Gordon.

"N-not this time," said Gordon. "Three men tried to kill some of Becky "The Hog" Traylor's best cronies."

"The tensions in the mob unions?" asked Batman.

"That'd be my guess," concluded Gordon.

"I'll check into it," promised Batman.

Back in the Batmobile, Batman explained all this to Batgirl.

"So the big gang war's about to happen," sighed Batgirl. "Containing the damage won't be easy."

"No," said Batman. "But since the Traylors seem to be going up against all the other mob unions, she should be desperate. If she's not, then she isn't thinking."

"What are you getting at?"

"If tensions show no signs of abating by tomorrow," said Batman. "The Hog will be in a terrible position. We may be her only hope. And our price will be that she goes straight and scraps her illegal enterprise."

"If you can't beat 'em, make 'em join you."

"Exactly."

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Hog had never responded to the call from Riko Dimiquen inviting her to a meeting. She hoped that the fires created between the Traylors and Dimiquens would die out over time. But after parking her car at Country Buffet and getting out, The Hog looked around just in time to see a sniper on a building.

The Hog ran as fast as her two hundred fifty pounds and change, albeit muscularly so, could take her dodging two shots "Ah'm bein' shot at," cried The Hog as she ran. Her employees got out the door, and the sniper moved down the stairs of his building. The Hog panted in anxiety. _Ah can't wait no longer._

She entered Country Buffet, which had been open for less than twenty minutes. "This restaurant will be closed till further notice. Ah apologize for any inconvenience." The rest of the Traylor leadership walked towards their boss.

"You OK, sis?" asked Al.

"No," said The Hog. She waited for her customers and employees who worked only for Country Buffet to leave, then said, "As of right now, we are at war. Time for a meetin'.

When The Hog, Al, Joey, Daisy Thompson, and Yuji gathered in the meeting room, The Hog said, "The war's begun. Ah've already messaged people to get everything we'll need to defend ourselves and lock up tight. We need the elemient of surprise."

"Ah don't mean to sound negative," Al said, "But we're gonna be outnumbered by a dozen to one."

"Three dozen to one," said The Hog. "They'll get a good number of the smaller gangs on their side. And a lotta the sumbitches got better gear and analytics than us simple country folk. Without more people, we ain't got a chance in Hell!"

The Hog, Al, Joey, and Daisy Thompson immediately looked at Yuji. "One in three billion. But there is almost a fifty percent chance they take our business but don't kill any of us except Becky." Yuji placed his open in front of his face nervously, imploring, "Don't shoot the messenger, madam. Please."

The Hog was not angry. "What are _my_ chances?"

"If you'll offer to be Riko's secretary or something to send a message to women and 'rednecks' who want to prosper in this line of work," explained Yuji, "Thirty-three percent."

"Ah'd rather be killed," The Hog smirked. "Ah don't think we need to see Yuji's fancy-schmancy analytics to see that right now, there ain't no way we can beat the other unions. Al, you need to get home and recruit hunters, hoodlums, good ol' boys who can shoot straight, anybody who can help us."

"That could take some time," cautioned Al.

"Then what are you doin' here, big brother?" asked The Hog. "You need to be in South Carolina this evenin'." Al gave her a military salute and left.

"Daisy," ordered The Hog, "Make the reservations for us to stay in a hotel and be careful about it. Also, try to get some of the gangs to side with us. It'll be at least a week before Al can get us very many people."

"Becky," said Daisy, "One thing you may not have considered is that to avoid showing ourselves to the enemy that so badly outnumbers us, we'll have to shut down our business. That means no new revenues. Ah reckon we'll last for half a year, but after that..."

"Actually," said Yuji, "Us lasting that long is a very optimistic assumption."

"One thing at a time," agreed The Hog. "We all know what we'll be doin'. Any questions?"

"I have a family," said Yuji.

"Me too," said Daisy. "Ah don't know how to protect 'em."

"The other bosses won't target your relatives who ain't a part of this war just to get the upper hand," The Hog assured them. "None of us will cross that line. Any other questions." Several seconds passed without any other hands going up. "Then this meetin's over." She returned to her office.

Hours later, The Hog heard a familiar voice say, "Walls are closing in, Hog!" She turned to see The Batman and Batgirl.

"Little Bat and the little girl he hangs out with," said The Hog. "What happened to the strappin' young lad?"

"You can't win," said Batgirl.

"That's your opinion," said The Hog. But she wasn't so sure herself.

"Give yourself up," said Batman. "You can avoid prison by testifying against the Gotham underworld."

"That would be suicide," said The Hog.

"Wrong," said Batman. "Trying to war with all the other mob unions would be suicide."

"Cops can't protect us," The Hog spelled it out.

"We might," pointed out Batgirl.

"Might," smirked The Hog. "You're tellin' me to give up everything for 'might'."

"Let's go," said Batman to Batgirl. "She won't listen."

"Uh-uh," The Hog said as the Bats were on the way to the window. "Don't go. This is important. As you clearly know, my family's goin' to war. Don't get involved. We've enough to worry about without takin' you out. And Little Bat, as found as Ah am of you, Ah can't hesitate this time. Don't. You'll hurt us both."

Batman and Batgirl Batgrappled out the window to another building. "Ah mean it," The Hog shouted through her window.

**Riko Dimiquen's perspective:**

Riko Dimiquen got a call. "My assassination attempt failed," said Gasper Whittaker. "Now we have to go to war with the Traylors. Gather your men."

"I'd rather she not die anyway," said Riko.

"Why?" asked Gasper.

"She's a country girl who dared step up to the plate without a bat or balls," explained Riko. "And to coin a term once used in the old country," Riko referred to Russia, "She is a non-person."

"What are you getting at?"

"I you to tell everybody not to shoot her. I want her to surrender to us. I will spare her only on following conditions: First, she watches me demolish her precious Country Buffet. Then she will choose between slow death and becoming a maid of mine. It will be a warning to all girls, especially country girls, that this is mens' work."

"No promises."

**Batman's perspective:**

"Come on," Batman lead Batgirl across rooftops after The Traylor's car.

As they ran, jumped, and Batgrappled from building to building, Batgirl asked, "Why are going by foot?"

"Because the Batmobile will stick out like a sore thumb. I don't want to be seen."

"Wanting to finally spot the other mobs?" asked Batgirl. The Traylors were in fact one of only two, the other being the Zuccos, who Batman had been able to uncover.

"And when the war turns against her," said Batman, "I do believe she'll reconsider our offer."

"Your dad taught you discipline," complimented Batgirl. "Considering you watched your parents die as a kid, it would've been easy to lose control in situations like this, and not see the greater good."

"Thank you, Batgirl." Batman would never tell a soul, but he had a certain affection for The Hog. Why, he had no idea. She was overweight, not that attractive for being overweight, and worst of all, a killer. The point was that this was another reason, much as he tried to tell himself otherwise, that he was looking after The Hog. Although the main one was that is was that getting her cooperation was the best course of action.

"Won't be long," guessed Batgirl. "The Hog hasn't a chance in Hell!"

"I wouldn't dismiss her yet," said Batman. "My experience says that the traylors won't be beaten so easily."

Suddenly, the cars stopped. "Why are they stopping?" asked Batgirl.

"Theire enemies have superior numbers," explained Batman. "They have to stay hidden. They're probably changing cars just in case." Sure enough, the Traylor leadership's cars and some other cars further down the street emptied. After both the Traylor leaders and more common thugs working for them switched cars, both groups continued on their way.

"Smart," Batgirl stood in awe of Batman's mental prowess. "I'd have never in million years guessed!"

"Can't put a veteran's head on a teenager's shoulders," Batman consoled Batgirl. "You're doing fine for your age."

**The Hog's perspective:**

Joey had insisted on driving, which he loved to be the one to do. He was a guy, after all. Yuji and Daisy were in the back. The Hog was riding shotgun with her tablet keyed to the surveillance equipment that Batman, Robin, and the Arabic woman has bugged Gasper with in exchange for information the year before. The Hog always knew that might come in handy and she now knew that the other bosses wanted nothing less than to destroy the Traylor family.

"You?" laughed Joey. "A maid? He's gotta be kiddin'."

"Nope," said The Hog. "That's apparently what the Russkie wants from me. If only Ah could fight that sumbitch one-on-one, Ah'd turn 'im from man to toddler!"

"Wishful thinkin'," said Joey.

"Yeah," The Hog accepted. "Least we can spy on their plans. That should hold us for at least..." suddenly, she stopped talking and stared at her rear view mirror.

"What?" asked Joey.

"Thought Ah saw somebody followin' us," said The Hog. She took another look just to be sure.

"You seem so damn sure you see somethin', Aunt Becky," said a concerned Joey.

"It's probably nothin', dear Nephew," said The Hog in a less than certain tone. "The real problem is Gasper, Riko, and the other gangs they've rallied to their side with more to come if we don't prove we have a chance soon."

"Yeah," said Joey. "That's the real problem."

"Ah wonder," theorized The Hog, "If after the disaster in Gettysburg, Robert E. Lee realized that the Confederacy was on the way to history?"

"It won't turn out like that," said Joey. "We ain't had our Gettysburg yet. We can turn things around. Maybe Ah'm young, reckless, and prob'ly got a little too much ol' Southern pride in me, but Ah believe in you, Aunt Becky. Somehow, you'll get us outta this. Because you ain't a woman Lee. You're a woman Washington or Roosevelt."

"Your faith is inspirin'," The Hog kissed her nephew on the cheek. "Thanks. Ah needed that." Suddenly, she felt much better. Not for obvious reasons. The Traylors were still hopelessly outnumbered and everything still rode on Al getting reinforcements from South Carolina, but maybe sometimes, all a leader needed was a little encouragement from one of her loyal soldiers.

**Batman's perspective:**

The Traylors had gone into a hotel called The Gotham Terrace in hoodies so as to hide their identities without looking like they were trying to hide their identities. No doubt they were going to plan their next move in one of their separate rooms.

Batman and Batgirl brought a listening machine to the top of the The Gotham Terrace, but although they got plenty of conversations, only one showed a Southern accent, and that was an perfectly kosher family vacationing from Texas.

"Must have taken their anti-bugging equipment with them," sighed Batman. "I didn't think the Traylors would think that we'd stop watching them just because they've got all the other mobs gunning for them."

"What are we gonna do, then?" asked Batgirl.

"They have to sleep," said Batman. "I'll jump The Hog with gas when she hits the hay."

"You'll?" asked a suddenly unhappy Batgirl.

"She's too dangerous for you," said Batman. "I'll call if I need you."

"C'mon," said Batgirl. "She doesn't look like she can beat me at anything physical except competitive eating."

"She may not look like it," said Batman, "But she has less than twenty percent body fat. Thanks to her intense weightlifting, that belly hides one of the strongest and most durable non-metahumans on the planet!"

"Understood," said Batgirl, looking like she was taking The Hog more seriously. "What about that brother of The Hog?"

"You mean Al?"

"Yeah, he seems to have disappeared since they left the restaurant. What's he up to?"

"Just one of many things I intend to squeeze out of his not-so-little sister."

Sleep finally came for The Hog. Batman crept through her window, gas pellet in hand, and taking aim at the snoring head.

Suddenly, The Hog stood up and pelted Batman's temple with a silenced pistol that had been hidden under the covers. Had she aimed for the exposed lower face, that would have been it. As it stood, a bout of heavy-headedness came over Batman. He found himself dropping the pellet. Trying to mentally turn off the pain and fatigue of the gunshot, he ran across one side of The Hog's bed to avoid the gas cloud. Meanwhile, he was covering himself in protective cape to keep from getting hit by two more shots.

Knocking The Hog's gun to the floor with a Karate chop and kicking it under the bed, Batman immediately began raining punches on her head. After six of them, Batman could not believe his continuing good fortune. He had just been shot yet had a path to success. He knew it wouldn't last. He had to go for the quick knockout before the effects of the shot came flooding back.

It was just then that a fist underneath the chin made Batman stagger back against the wall. That was all it took. Pain and wooziness spread throughout his body, forcing him down to all fours. Getting our of bed, The Hog power lifted Batman above her head and threw him head-first towards the other wall, creating a large crack in it. Batman could barely stay conscious through that. He struggled to stand up as The Hog moved towards him across her own bed to avoid the gas just in front of it that still hadn't quite dissippated.

"You knew I was following you?" asked Batman. The Hog nodded. As Batman lurched towards The Hog, he shouted, "Batgirl, it's time," before throwing a right cross, only for The Hog to catch the wrist.

"Who's my teddy bat?" she asked sweetly before wrapping both of her arms around Batman's arms and body to put him in The Hug. "You are, yes!" Batman was pressed against The Hog's athletically large belly and excruciating pain flowed through his body for a few seconds before agony turned into sleepiness.

"Ah want some sugar," The Hog leaned in and kissed Batman, complete with tongue. He was far too weak to offer much resistance. "That was goodbye. You're passin' out. You ain't wakin' up. Ah always wanted to get that mask to leverage you into takin' my hand, but Ah ain't in no position to take those kinds of chances. Ah'm so sorry. Guess Ah'll leave the mask on after all, so your secret dies with you. My last token of respect to my deadly, beloved, late enemy."

Batman's imminent murderess sniffled and tears began going down her cheeks. If nothing else, The Hog hadn't been lying about her feelings. "Y'know, Little Bat, Ah said once that you were like my dumb ex-husband. I told him meth was bad and it was. Now, you're gonna die 'cause you didn't listen to my warnin'. Ah see a pattern in the men Ah like." She kissed Batman on the part of of his mask covering his nose.

Batman's last thoughts before he passed out were, _Batgirl? You and Jason Todd may have to hold the fort for me._

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl heard Batman calling for help and moved towards the edge of the roof when she felt a net trap her. She spun around and saw Joey Traylor, nephew of the matriarch, although he was lean where his father was stocky and his aunt was downright "fat." Joey pocketed his net launcher and ran at Batgirl.

Batgirl had to get out of this net fast! She drew a Batarang, but Joey was fast; Batgirl could only cut two strands of the net before she was tackled and straddled by Joey. He stuck a medical needle into Batgirl's neck and injected something into it.

"Don't be scared, beautiful," said Joey. "This ain't gonna hurt a bit. Just tame you." Sure enough, drowsiness flooded Batgirl's body.

"My dad," Joey continued. "Taught me to hunt game. He wanted me to use a gun. But Ah don't wanna kill animals, just catch 'em. Especially magnificent beasts like you!" He stroked Batgirl's left cheek.

"Don't even think it," thundered Batgirl. Joey could gloat, but Batgirl would be damned if she let him touch her.

"Any good Southern Christian knows that 'no' means 'no'," said Joey. "But don't be so hasty. Let's have dinner tomorrow. Most fillies like me after that."

Batgirl's answer to that was spittle to the face. "And don't call me 'filly.'"

"A simple 'Hell, no' would've done," complained Joey as he used a pocket knife to cut Batgirl out of the net before hoisting her over his shoulder. "My aunt's gonna wanna see you. She's gonna be so proud of me! Don't call for help. Ah can't stand competition for the fair lady. Get me?"

Batgirl was dragged into The Hog's hotel room. "This is the future leader of Gotham," said Joey. _In your dreams._

Joey continued, "Go ahead and bow." He dropped Batgirl and pressed her down into a kneeling position.

"Good job," clapped The Hog. "You've made a woman proud." She put an arm around Joey to cuddle him and started kissing him on the head and neck.

"Aunt Becky," pleaded Joey, "Please. Least not in front of the Bat-Peeps"

"Got me but you can't deal with your affectionate aunt?" laughed Batgirl.

"Family matter," Joey whapped her over the head. "Butt out."

"Ah've embarrassed you enough anyway," said The Hog to a sigh in relief from Joey. "Just don't ask me to never do it again. Now we have to filet 'em." Batgirl gasped.

The Hog laughed at this. "You ain't the same as the big guy who didn't fair so well himself. Ah rendered him helpless once before tonight. Broke some of his ribs. He wanted to die, but he's just too damn cute! But you? You're scared to die. Just like all Yankee girls. Can't do shit except spend a man's money. Not like the businesswomen in California or those of us from the South who actually do our share of heavy liftin'. Little Bat would be awfully disappointed if he could to see this."

Batgirl's heart sank. However extreme her generalizations, The Hog was not wrong that Batgirl was letting fear overtake her.

"Anyhoo," said The Hog. "We gotta filet 'em without lettin' the cops know. Any ideas how in tarnation we do it?"

"Ah know just the way," said Joey.

The Hog and Joey drove Batgirl and a still unconscious Batman out of town to a rural area outside. Batman and Batgirl now had each off their pairs of limbs chained separately together. Both chains binding together legs on one end were chained to cinder blocks on the other.

The Hog looked towards the Atlantic Ocean in the distance. "Dearie, you promised me they'd never find 'em here. Don't disappoint me."

"This ain't even a town," insisted Joey. "It's a needle in a haystack."

The Hog hugged Batman one last time. _She's heartbroken. I never would've guessed that she had one. Wait! That's it._

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," said Batgirl. "We'll help protect you if you testify against the others. It doesn't have to be to save yourself, after all. You can do it for Batman."

Batgirl's words seemed to touch The Hog. She looked at Batman for several seconds. Joey made no attempts to help his aunt make up her mind either way.

"No," said The Hog. "People are dependin' on me. Like it or not, this is what we do. Little Bat ain't worth betrayin' 'em. Close... but no cigar."

The Hog picked Batman and the cinder block up, ran towards the ocean, and threw him a long distance at the water, the cinder black dragging him down.

Batgirl began to cry as she realized that Batman was drowning even as she mourned. The Hog was doing the same. "It's OK, Hog," Joey said sympathetically. "It was a hard choice."

"Lord," asked The Hog out loud, looking up and joining her hands together, "Please let me see him in fifty or sixty years."

"Don't bet on it," said Batgirl. "'Thou shalt not kill.'" In silent fury, The Hog threw her into the ocean.

Batgirl struggled with her bonds, but she wasn't good at breaking through them, let alone when drugged. Only thing in her belt that could break them was her blowtorch, and that wouldn't work underwater.

_Not the way I thought we'd go out. Don't even know what's going to come of the gang war. Our deaths are meaningless. Dad, it's in your - wait, Dad's gonna lose me and not even know why._

**To be continued...**


	10. Guerilla Warfare, Part II

Note: Catwoman's newly-created costume in this chapter somewhat resembles the suit in the _Batman Returns _comic.

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Batgirl had been sinking into the water for a few minutes. She couldn't tell how long exactly. Her groggy arms and legs had not been able to get out of her chains. She had more or less accepted her fate when she felt someone undoing her chains with skilled hands. Her left arm was pulled over the shoulder of this person, and the two swam to the land that they had been thrown from. As far from the surface as they started, Batgirl wondered if she would make it. But eventually, their heads came above water. A bit later, they were on land.

Batgirl needed forty-three seconds to catch her breath after so long underwater. Whoever had saved her life gave her the time. Finally, she said, "Thanks."

Batgirl's rescuer unsurprisingly turned out to be Batman who said in a disappointed tone, "Since you were on your own for a long time before we became official partners, I would have assumed that you knew how to escape this kind of situation."

"Time out," said Batgirl. "How did you make it? You were unconscious."

"I recovered halfway through the drive here," explained Batman. "Since I knew that they were going to throw us into the water, I was content to let them think I was still out and that throwing me into the water would kill me."

"In the meantime," Batgirl got back to what Batman was saying, "You're upset that I needed help. But last time I checked, you needed mine not long ago."

"First of all," said Batman, "This is not about me. Second, as I've said before, Robin and I might have survived without you. Third, your needing help isn't a problem anyway."

"So what's the problemo?" asked Batgirl.

"The small problem is that you don't know how to break free of bonds. That's something they teach in Gotham Police Academy. The bigger issue is that after you struggled a bit, you gave up."

"I couldn't escape them."

"You gave up after a few minutes. And I know you wouldn't have even tried to swim up if I hadn't pulled you."

Batman had Batgirl there. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'll keep my confidence from now on."

"For your sake," warned Batman, "You'd better. This won't be the last close call you ever face. You can't just quit. That is more important than people realize, especially in this line of work. Robin couldn't stop making mistakes, but he never gave up. If you can't learn determination, I may have fired the wrong kid."

"You're absolutely right," Batgirl realized. "I'll toughen myself up mentally. I swear it. And I'll keep studying survival skills."

"We'll see if you mean it."

"What about the Traylors?"

"Perhaps tonight has revealed that an openly aggressive strategy is the wrong move. We'll wait to see things play themselves out a little more. In the meantime, Alfred's got a wounded head of mine to work on. The Hog shot it. He might also check and see if whatever wore you out left any aftereffects."

**The Hog's perspective:**

Becky "The Hog" Traylor was morose. As she had always feared she would someday have to, she had killed a man that she really liked. That made it very difficult to sleep that night.

What was done was done. The Hog had a family business to run. It was what she had lost her "Little Bat" for, after all.

Over the next few days, The Hog used the surveillance equipment in mob union Chairman Gasper Whittaker's home office to anticipate the moves that the enemies of the Traylor family were making. With two hundred forty-three people in her employ against more than five thousand in either crime families or smaller gangs who had sided against the Traylors, minor hit-and-run attacks to slow the enemy down were the only option.

Still, this bought Al, The Hog's brother some time back in South Carolina. A week passed with no serious losses for the Traylors when The Hog got the call.

"OK," said Al. "Ah got us some hands." He avoided directly referring to the mob war just in case the FBI was listening in.

"How many?" asked The Hog.

"Do you mean all hands by that or just the hands holdin' hammers?" asked Al. Anyone listening to that would be lead to believe - or at least couldn't disprove - that this was just blue collar work he and The Hog were hiring people for.

"Cut the bullshit," demanded The Hog. "How many?"

"Seven hundred and eighty-nine," said Al.

The Hog was underwhelmed. "That ain't a third of your target."

"Ah'm sorry, Becky," Al defended his work. "Not as many were interested as Ah'd hoped. Some think the third party's cool even though he's a Yankee." That unnamed third party was, of course, Batman. "Others think we're screwed and have become self-fulfillin' prophets."

"No," said The Hog. "We're far from screwed. Get those hands inta Gotham fast but safe."

"How can Ah do fast but safe?" asked Al. "The competition'll be lookin' for any technicality that keeps us from bringin' anybody else in." Meaning, the new recruits might be ambushed on the way.

"Ah dunno," admitted The Hog. "Just get 'em in however you can. We need them."

"Will do," said Al. "Stay alive. Ah'm the only one who gets to pick on you." He hung up.

The Hog hung up herself. _Well, that was disappointin'._

"Ah got the gist of it," said Joey, son of Al, nephew of The Hog. "What the Hell are we gonna do now?"

"Plan C," said The Hog.

"You sure?" asked Joey. "We Southerners know that people with uncertain loyalty can't be counted on."

"Ah know," The Hog sighed. "But we really ain't got no choice. Wait outside. Ah'll have to tell Daisy that she's in charge till Ah come back. We're payin' our new client a visit."

"What if this 'client' don't say yes?" asked Joey.

"Oh, Ah think the client will," said The Hog with a sly smile on her face.

**Selina Kyle's perspective:**

Selina was still working on her new Catsuit and had been since it had become known but not legally proven that she and Selina Kyle were the same woman. Selina's friend Sabisia Williams, had been forced to destroy the original costume to keep it from being traced to Selina as she went on trial. Selina had finished her clawed gloves, and often wore them to get back in practice with them, but her Catsuit was a work in progress.

Suddenly, she heard knocking on her door. "Sabisia," she said, "Don't answer that until I get this unfinished Catsuit into the closet. She did so. A young man and an extremely fat woman entered the room.

"Who'd have thunk it?" asked the fat woman. "The Catwoman is a ghetto bitch." She held out a hand. "Becky 'The Hog,' head of the Traylor family."

"Selina Kyle," Selina shook The Hog's hand reluctantly. "Not caring for racists."

"You'll have to excuse my aunt," said one of the men. "She's stuck in another generation and don't get why you wouldn't appreciate ghetto jokes like that."

"Youngsters," snorted The Hog. "Now, Ah have a proposition."

"Stop right there," said Selina, hands on hips. "I know as much about you as you do about me. And the tight spot you're in. The answer's no. I've seen some gangster movies and how many people die or get caught when they go to war."

"You really think they're all that real?" chuckled The Hog. "Besides, Ah wouldn't have lasted half this long if Ah hadn't learned from the mistakes of the Italians, Cubans, and some of your people, too."

"And I don't want any part of your gunplay," added Selina.

"You're a thief who's turned Prince Charmin' down," smirked The Hog. "Ain't it a little late to be thinkin' like that?"

"I am a thief," said Selina. "Not a killer."

"This is goin' nowhere," said The Hog. "We got a glimpse of you sewin' somethin' outside. Looked like Catwoman. If you don't want us to be concerned citizens, Ah'd be more agreeable."

"You want some of me?" asked Selina, realizing that violence was _the_ way to get The Hog and her male companion to keep quiet. She signaled her pet cougar, Caesarion, to not interfere. "Here I come!" She ran at The Hog and performed a jump kick that didn't even budge her. In fact, its only apparent effect was on Selina's knee. The feedback of the kick had made it feel sore. "You pump that fat ass up," she realized as The Hog stood over her.

"Pleased to disappoint," said The Hog as she lifted Selina up by the arms and put her in a bear hug. "Ah gotta admit, Ah got hard feelins." No sooner had she said that when Selina began howling in pain.

"You're gonna scream louder than that if don't change your mind fast," threatened The Hog.

But Selina wasn't spent yet. She delicately planted her claws on the belly of The Hog. Good thing she wearing her gloves a lot more lately to practice the use of them "Feel these? Let go and get the Hell out with an apology or the tub of Southern fried lard spills!"

"And Ah'll crush you like a beer can," declared The Hog. "Do we die together?"

Selina heard a gun cock behind her. "No need for that, Aunt Becky," said Joey. "Join us or your beast gets it."

It was The Hog who said, "You can't do that, dear Nephew. That animal would be a family pet if she had one. We don't screw with family. But the other one's just a friend. Shoot her." Sabisia gasped upon hearing this.

"No, don't," begged Selina. "I'll do whatever you want."

"Was that so hard?" asked The Hog, releasing Selina and smiling. "Ah'll tell you about the battles Ah'm provokin' the enemy into startin'. You'll record the leaders of the opposition and give proof of their 'unprovoked' attacks on me."

"That's it?" asked Selina. A weight was off her shoulder. Sneaky recordings she could do.

"That's all your contribution to the war effort will be," said The Hog. "And you can trust me. A Traylor never lies. Cheat? Yes. Steal? Whenever we can. Kill? If you cross us, yeah. But never lie." She may have almost never killed, but Selina could certainly understand having a controversial values system like that.

"Speakin' of which," warned The Hog. "My family can be great friends or the last enemies you're ever gonna get. Don't even think about tryin' ta play us. There ain't no rock we can't find you under. Capeesh?"

"I capeesh, all right," said Selina. The Hog and her nephew left.

"I think you've made a mistake," said Sabisia.

"I had no choice," said Selina. "They'd have killed us both. Letting you die just for being my friend was not an option."

"Go to Batman," suggested Sabisia. "A little prison time's OK under these circumstances."

"I'm not going to prison, much less abandoning all I stand for."

"You're in bed with the mob now. That can't end well."

"Look, there's two ways this can turn out. They'll either be dead rednecks walking or be running the underworld. Either way, they won't need Catwoman anymore."

"You damn sure better be right! And you're probably not. There is no quitting the mob."

Selina sat in her couch and buried her chin in her hands. Her life may have just been ruined.

**The Hog's perspective:**

With the recruits Al had brought into town having taken their places in the Traylor cartel, it was time for the experienced members to carry out the plan.

"Dad just texted me," said Joey. "He ain't seen her neither."

"Ain't surprised," said The Hog. Seeing that her relatively inexperienced nephew _was_ surprised, The Hog continued, "Catwoman's a wanted girl, Joey. And everybody knows who she is. She has to be careful not to leave anything to prove it."

"But what if that ain't it?" asked Joey. "What if she ran. Or... set us up?"

"Then she's cat food," declared The Hog.

The Hog saw a hand signal from some of her men in the distance. She gave them an "OK" hand gesture in return. One of them dropped a phone and the chase was on!

The Southern gangsters quickly got in their cars and drove away, taking only wide off-target shots at the pursuing enemies. "Faster," ordered The Hog to Joey. "Ah'll die to make sure we win the war, but Ah'd much rather see the look on the Yankees' faces when they realize we've outsmarted 'em."

Suddenly, a hiss could be heard in two tires. "She-ut," Joey pounded the wheel.

"Get out and take a look at the tires," commanded The Hog. "Ah'll cover you." They both got out. The Hog got in front of Joey with a hunting rifle. Since the plan was for her mob to look like victims of senseless attacks, illegal weapons were not options.

The Hog's pursuers were gone. Either they had been lost or something had scared them away. "It was Batarangs," said Joey.

_Figures. They just won't die. Ain't all unhappy about that, though._

**Batman's perspective:**

"The Hog's pursuers are running," noticed Batgirl from significantly down a rooftop near The Hog's car. "They must have spotted us."

"The Hog's the key to this anyway," said Batman. "Wait a minute. She and her men ran the moment they were spotted. Made only token efforts to hit their pursuers. Wonder why they didn't care about winning this battle. Scratch that; The Hog and her nephew are figuring out that we stopped their car. Let's go."

But the attentive Hog noticed the creatures of the night dive-bombing them. "Move," she cried. Joey managed to avoid Batgirl's kick, but the heavier, slower Hog ended up with Batman's boot in her back. This knocked her several steps forward but not down.

"Ah don't know whether to shoot you or kiss you for gettin' outta that, Little Bat," said The Hog, aiming her rifle and smiling.

Trying to shield himself with his protective cape and the armor underneath was risky. Riles had a lot more power than the pistols that the Batsuit was specifically designed to repel, since they were city criminals' weapons of choice. _Better to move._

Batman began dodging bullets. While The Hog's aim was true, she was not fast enough to keep up with Batman. The rifle eventually clicked. "Damnation," cursed The Hog as she dropped the gun and assumed a hand-to-hand combat stance.

Batman charged in and delivered a few punches before hopping back to avoid the return punch. He moved in again and threw some more punches and a high snap kick that knocked The Hog's face into her car. _Can't give up the initiative._ Batman seized her by the head and drove it into the car five times, bringing her to her knees. "Ready to talk, Hog?" asked Batman.

The Hog's answer to that was to wrap her arms around Batman to lock him in The Hug. _Not fast, but because of her muscled girth, fast enough. Great!_ She stood up. Batman grunted as the pressure on his midsection increased.

"You're gonna ruin that car, varmint," complained The Hog. "Ah don't know how you survived, but this time, Ah'm makin' sure. Ah ain't lettin' go till you fall apart."

Batman believed that, but he saw a nearby fire hydrant. He inched The Hog towards it. Wasn't long before Batman heard crackling throughout his rib cage. "It's begun," said The Hog. "Godspeed, Little Bat. Wish it could've been..."

The Hog was cut off as Batman plunged to the ground, driving The Hog's hip into the hydrant. The Hog screamed in pain, but managed to pull both herself and Batman back up.

"Face it, Little Bat," The Hog gloated as she resumed The Hug on top of Batman. "Ya can't conquer my body, just my heart. And Ah ain't got the luxury of gettin' you to accept that heart. Buh-bye!"

In a desperation move, Batman began kneeing at hip of The Hog that had fallen into the fire hydrant. Ordinarily, this would be futile, but Batman hoped that hip had been hurt enough to feel that. If not, Batman was finished.

Sure enough, The Hog began screaming in pain. A headbutt knocked her to the ground. Moving a distance from The Hog, Batman ran towards her and dropped into a baseball slide at the sore rib. "No more," The Hog said, begging Batman off with her hands. _Now you want to talk!_

**Batgirl's perspective:**

Knocking Joey Traylor down from above clearly wasn't enough. He stood up soon enough, and Batgirl delivered a few good kicks to get him back down.

As Joey turned to a face-down position to get up, Batgirl stood over him and gripped the nerves in his neck. Joey initially yelled in pain before his body went motionless. Batgirl checked the muscle patterns, but no sooner was she noticing that Joey couldn't be unconscious, when she felt a elbow crash into her right jaw, knocking her down.

Straddling Batgirl, Joey stuck the same needle and serum into Batgirl's neck that she had felt a week before. _Oh, no, not again!_

Joey held Batgirl in place for the minute it took for the drug to make Batgirl feel woozy. "Ah don't like not knowin' my woman," said Joey. "Let's fix that." He reached for the mask and pulled.

Summoning every bit of fighting spirit she had, Batgirl kneed Joey three times in the gut. He rolled off her in pain. Getting up and pulling the mask totally in place again, she caught Joey in a Batbola as he sat up. "Oh, damn," he sighed in frustration.

Batgirl looked around to see that Batman had emerged victorious as well. Although Batgirl knew that without Batman's lecture about determination, her secret would probably be known to a scumbag. "I'm not, nor will I ever be, your woman," she spelled it out to that scumbag. Not bad-looking, but Batgirl didn't do scum.

**Batman's perspective:**

"You can't prove we were doin' nothin' but defendin' ourselves," said The Hog. "You struck first. So did the Falcones. You ain't won anything but braggin' rights."

"We're not above cracking skulls," threatened Batgirl. "And Joey, your hitting on me only makes it easier for me to hit on you the other way." Joey gulped.

"Only way you might get somethin' outta of us," declared The Hog bravely, "Is if we're gonna die!" Batman smiled.

"You wouldn't," insisted Joey. "You can't!"

"Don't be ridiculous," snarled Batman. "Of course I can. You're at our mercy."

The Hog burst out laughing. "Handsome, athletic, and funny. Where were you when Ah was young? The Little Bat Ah know never kills."

The two stared each other down for a few seconds before Batman turned to Batgirl and said, "Let's go." they Batgrappled away.

As the two watched The Hog and Joey replace their tires and drive home, Batgirl said, "You don't need to explain anything to me. Dad told me that unnecessary killing is barbarism."

"He's a great man," said Batman. "No wonder you've learned from your rookie mistakes and Dick didn't. You had an excellent cop to learn from. He didn't."

"I still say you were too hard on him," Batgirl insisted. Batman didn't argue. Not that he couldn't. It was just that he understood Batgirl's inability to recognize reality. Love did things to people. _And I should know._

**Riko's perspective:**

The rednecks were in retreat. The moment they saw the superior numbers shooting at them, they ran and were right to do so.

_But the fat bitch can't run forever. Her family's goin' down! I've seen to it that she won't be killed, but she'll wish she had been. When she surrenders, I'll demand that she become my maid. But not before she falls on her knees and apologizes to us and her great father for daring to sit with us!_

**Catwoman's perspective:**

It is highly ironic that this story switches to Catwoman's point of view on that note. She had breathed a sigh of relief as Batman made his comeback against The Hog. Batgirl was another matter. If Joey had slit her throat, Catwoman would be celebrating that night!

At any rate, Catwoman had her footage of the battle and chase in which the Falcones had cast the first shots. _So far, so good. This will lead to arrests that will change the balance of power in this war._

**The Hog's perspective:**

After changing cars on the way back to the hotel, The Hog finally declared, "If that ain't the ugliest successful mission ever, what the Hell is?"

"Key word's successful," said a peppy Joey.

"If Cats did what she was supposed to," said The Hog. "Drive us to her apartment, dear nephew. She better have the footage or we're puttin' her down."

And in time, they arrived. "Wait here," ordered The Hog. "If Ah ain't back in half an hour, leave without me."

"Why would she filet you?" ask Joey.

"She ain't a gangster," explained The Hog. "She's a thief. Thieves can be unreasonable."

"Then Ah'm goin'," said Joey.

"No," said The Hog sternly. "No, you're stayin' and that's that."

"OK," said Joey reluctantly.

The Hog ascended the elevator and entered Selina Kyle's apartment. There was Selina. Caesarion was lying down. Sabisia was presumably asleep.

"I got it," Selina held out a phone for The Hog. Not trusting Selina, The Hog took the phone and turned on the videos. It was three attacks with a lot of faces of opposing gangsters captured on video.

"Good work," The Hog smiled and bowed formally to Selina. "We should need only two or three more of these attacks."

"But won't this evidence be suspicious, coming from you?" asked Selina.

"Hadn't thought about that," The Hog had to admit. She sighed. "Just do what your supposed to. Ah'll let you know if we need anymore."

"You mean this wasn't a one-time deal?" asked Selina.

"That's not a nice thing for a family friend to say," The Hog made it clear how it was now.

**Bruce's perspective:**

Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon were pondering on the mob war a few days later. Many other skirmishes had occurred, with the same result that Batman and Batgirl had witnessed personally.

"It doesn't make any sense," said Barbara. "The Traylors keep starting fights, then immediately run. Why? I realize they're outnumbered, but they don't even try to do a little damage before retreating."

"I know," said Bruce. "It _doesn't_ make sense. She must have some plan we're not seeing.

"What plan?" asked Barbara.

"Criminals can be a creative lot. The archcriminals in particular. Whatever The Hog's planning, we'd better figure it out if we plan to make her testify."

**Selina's perspective:**

Selina handed another phone over to The Hog. "OK, Hog," said Selina. "This is it. What now?"

"Before we deal a blow to the leadership of the enemy," said The Hog, "It's time to deal with the one guy who can screw this up and make us cry ourselves to sleep."

Selina had an idea what The Hog could have meant by that. "Batman," she said.

The Hog nodded. "Get his attention. Tell him you're on his side. Lead him to the warehouse on Morechester Avenue. We'll be waiting to catch him in a crossfire from above. You'll be there to keep him in range."

Selina was sickened by this. She was asked not only to be involved in murder but murder of a man she liked very much. Enemy or not, she liked him. "Is this necessary?" she asked.

"Yes," said The Hog. "He's been a thorn in my side. And Ah can't afford that. Not when Ah'm about to pull the greatest military upset since the Mexican Revolution!"

"You know," said Catwoman, "For someone who admits to not be very educated, you sure know history."

"That Ah know," said The Hog proudly. "But Ah might be more educated than you. You got doubts about doin' in Batman. If he had the chance, he'd have put you in jail, right?"

She had Selina there. She nodded.

"So what's the problem."

Selina couldn't answer. Anything she thought of seemed inadequate.

"And if you get any second thoughts, remember your friend. Ah wouldn't want anything to happen to her myself."

Selina got the message. As the night dragged on, Selina thought on this. She really had no choice. She briefly considered turning to Batman, but no. He'd had his chances to accept Catwoman for who she was, and couldn't. This seemed to be the only choice.

The only problem was, how could Selina live with that choice?

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman and Batgirl had dispatched a trio of burglars when Batman saw a crude Batsignal in the sky. "Let's see what this person wants with me," said Batman.

They went to top of the skyscraper on which the light was being cast. It was Catwoman, who turned off her projector upon seeing Batman and Batgirl. Catwoman was in a new, cruder costume.

"What have you lured us here for?" asked Batman.

"I know you're looking to get the cooperation of the Traylors against the other mob bosses," said Catwoman. "I have it."

"Then let's see it," demanded Batman.

"Not so fast," Catwoman waved a finger disapprovingly. "I don't have it with me."

"Why not?" asked a suspicious Batgirl.

"The Traylors are smart, despite those funny accents," said Catwoman. "I have to be careful in how I handle the evidence I have against her."

"Now, isn't that convenient?" Batgirl frowned and put her hands on her hips.

"You think I'm leading you on a wild goose chase?" asked Catwoman.

"I think you've made a deal with them and are leading us to our deaths."

"Enter the self-righteous white girl," sighed Catwoman.

Batman held a hand out in front of Batgirl's face. "Catwoman has a lot of faults," said Batman, "But murder is not one of them. We should check this lead. The worst that can happen is getting pranked."

"I don't trust her," said Batgirl. "I don't see how you can."

"Who said I did?" asked Batman. Nonetheless, Catwoman rode in the Batmobile with them and directed them towards the warehouse where she said the evidence was.

Since the Batmobile was a two-seater, Catwoman sat in Batman's lap. Batman heard Batgirl whispering to herself, "He and I are gonna have a talk about the kind of person he's attracted to."

Catwoman lead Batman and Batgirl into the warehouse. All of them had their nightvision lenses activated. "Where is it?" asked Batman.

"Have patience," said Catwoman, her voice now less passionate.

Suddenly, Batman heard guns cocking from above. He looked up and around to see that on elevated platforms throughout the warehouse, no less than twenty-three gangsters were aiming machine guns, complete with searchlights, at him and Batgirl. "Hands up," said Al Traylor. Batman and Batgirl raised their hands.

"Looks like your hiding place has been discovered," said Batman to Catwoman, whose hands were still down.

"I'm sorry, Batman," apologized Catwoman. "They have... a hold on me. I had no choice."

"What do you mean?" asked Batman.

"Face it," said Batgirl. "She's turned on us like I said she would."

"Close your eyes," suggested Catwoman. "It won't hurt as much."

"Hold your fire," Batman heard The Hog's voice. Catwoman seemed pleasantly surprised to hear that.

The Hog came down stairs, three phones in hand. "You want to talk?" asked Batman.

"That's why you're still alive," said The Hog.

"We've gotten out of some tight spots in our time," said Batgirl.

"Oh, there ain't no reason to bring back that cliche," said The Hog. "Ah've come to make an offer you can't refuse."

"Try us," said Batman.

"These phones," explained The Hog, "Contain evidence that other gangsters attacked us." She gave Batman the phones. "They'll put away over seventy men, includin' a lotta leaders of other mobs. They're about to become disorganized and lose confidence in the small gangs that ain't picked a side yet."

Batman and Batgirl looked over the videos in the phones. Sure enough, video of the gangsters attacking could be found, complete with faces.

"Now that you know it's the real deal," asked The Hog, "Why don't you take that shit to the cops?"

"Because we don't like this?" asked Batgirl.

"What ain't to like?" asked The Hog. "These are common enemies of ours."

"What happens now?" asked Batman.

"Ah'm about to make a new underworld," said The Hog. "There ain't gonna no more mob unions. Just the Traylors. Every gang has to pay tribute or... let's not even get into that. And a Russian sumbitch who shall remain nameless wasn't caught on tape. When Ah'm finished with him, he'll wish he had been."

"And if we refuse to go along with this?" asked Batman.

"Then we shoot you and take this to the police ourselves," said The Hog. "Choose good."

"Why aren't you doing that anyway?" asked Batgirl.

"Because Ah can't be sure either the cops or courts would buy it, comin' from me," said The Hog. "Ah mean, they probably would, but Ah can't leave nothin' to chance right now."

"A slim chance is worth letting us live?" asked Batman.

"Not really," explained The Hog. "Ah got a tiebreaker. It was a last-minute change of heart, Ah confess, but Ah feel like Ah owe you one, Little Bat. You pulled my fat ass outta the fryer on at least one occasion."

"Don't remind me," said Batman.

"Sorry," laughed The Hog. "Didn't think you'd take it so personally. Here's the deal, Dracula and his bitten girl. Between the crossfire and Catwoman tryin' to keep you in the crosshairs, you can't win this fight. And even if you do, Catwoman's the only one who's wanted. True, we'd have shot at you, but no witnesses. You'd have to testify and be forced to unmask. Even if you somehow can do it, is it worth it?"

Batman and Batgirl went silent. _That's a good point._

"But if you do this for me," smiled The Hog, "Organized crime won't be the same for some time. After Ah destroy the other families, Ah'll be left with a more busted-up underworld then the Southern economy after the Civil War. Again, choose good."

"Batman, no," Batgirl objected to what she seemed to sense that Batman was considering.

"It's preferable," said Batman. "Like she said, there's no rewards in beating the odds this time." He turned to face Catwoman. "But before we go, I want to speak with you."

"Leave her alone," demanded Al. "She's a family friend now." _Figures. There is no quitting the mob._

"Let him," said The Hog. "Ah love me a good romantic tragedy."

"You were going to let them kill us," said Batman. "I thought you had a heart behind your ugly profession. I see now that I was wrong."

"I told you before," said Catwoman. "They had leverage. I had no choice."

"Of course, you had a choice," said Batman. "And you chose to sink into the lowest recesses of criminality rather than come to me. I used to respect you. I even looked the other way once or twice before when I could have put you away once and for all, but those days are over."

Catwoman looked away. "She's not sorry," said Batgirl. "Just another performance of hers."

"I agree," said Batman. "Let's go."

On the drive to GCPD HQ, Batgirl said, "That sucked."

"I don't know," disagreed Batman. "As much of a mixed bag as this is, there are certain advantages of there being only one organized crime game in town."

"Cut off the snake's head and the body dies," realized Batgirl.

"That's right," Batman confirmed that this was what he meant.

A few minutes later, Batgirl said, "I take no joy in being right about her." Batman turned to her and nodded.

**Riko Dimiquen's perspective:**

Riko and the ten other bosses woke up the next morning to bad news. The police came to arrest hundreds of their people. No boss was arrested for longer than a day, but the second and third in command of all eleven organizations were awaiting trial, along with the fourth in command of seven organizations. Most of them got bail, but it hardly mattered. They were too hot to be seen at the site of any battle. That meant that mob union leadership was devastated.

And by the next Monday, that devastation had been felt. Deprived of field leaders, the unions were disorganized to the point where they could no longer fully function. As a result, sixteen of the twenty-two battles fought over this time period were won by the Traylors. Worse, the unions were losing an average of seventeen men per battle. Becky "The Hog" Traylor had lost only six people so far.

Neutral gangs had seen enough. Each day after Monday brought more reports of gangs siding with the Traylors, eliminating the unions last great asset: numbers. On Thursday, the Traylors were finally ready to stop the border attacks and enter enemy territory. Four crime families were driven out of their territories and into Chairman Gasper Whittaker's.

For most, Saturday is the greatest day of the week! Riko's was dismal. Another meeting of the eleven bosses, three of which had been replaced after the originals were killed, commenced. _How could she be so lucky? If the cops hadn't apparently been at the right place at the right time to catch our people but not hers, the trailer trash never would've had a chance! But now she's pinned our backs to the wall._

"As you all know," said Gasper, "The Hog is gaining a rapidly increasing advantage. Suggestions?"

"We fall back here," Riko motioned to the floor of the Gasper-owned department store in which the meeting was being held. "She's ready to threaten us in too many places."

"The problem with that," said Madro Vasquiz, boss of a Hispanic crime family, "Is that we'll be abandoning all of our territory but Gasper's. And by now, The Hog's strong enough to defend it. If she keeps it for longer than a couple months, we won't be able to finance ourselves. When we run low on ammo, Jesus save us all!"

"Be spread out thin and die now," summarized Gasper. "Or get starved here and die later. We need a third option." But thirty-seven minutes passed with no third option being offered by anyone. However, Gasper's phone began going crazy. He checked it, but did not look pleased.

"What is it?" asked a melancholy Riko.

"I'm getting texts from crews throughout the unions," said Gasper. "Some of them have surrendered. Others have switched sides. 'They'll kill us!' 'Don't make us kill you.' 'I'm really sorry.'"

"Sorry don't walk the dog," screamed Riko. "I'm gonna be the one who kills them."

"You'd have to enter The Hog's territory," said Gasper. "Good luck."

"Then what do we do?" asked Riko.

Gasper was near tears. "She's got us."

"No," Riko refused to believe that he was at the mercy of woman, and a woman of the South at that. But he thought some more and realized that there was no escape. "Lucky bitch."

"I think she somehow set us up," said Brent Hill, an Irish boss.

"Yeah," agreed Gasper. "That was her trump card. She played it and won. I'll phone her. Tell her I want a meeting at her place."

"You mean we're surrendering," said Riko, disagreeing without being able to explain why.

"Think of it as making peace with her," said Gasper.

_She's gone from hopeless to making us beg for mercy! How the Hell did she do it? _

**The Hog's perspective:**

The Traylors were in one of the stores of the newly conquered territories. The Hog had gotten the declaration of surrender, regardless of what Gasper Whittaker chose to call it. The sound of a beaten man was music to her ears.

The Hog walked out of her office to meet the others. "Ah was just on the phone with Whittaker," she declared. "He and the other bosses are comin' here to give up." Everybody cheered.

Al walked over to The Hog and hugged her. "You've done it," said Joey. "You've won us the war and gotten us the whole damn Gotham underworld!"

"Ah'm proud of all of us," said The Hog. "We've faced tough odds and smashed most of our enemies."

"The only threats to us," noted Yuji. "Are The Batman and local government."

"Wonder how long they'll last now that every city rat in town calls us 'boss,'" grinned Daisy.

"Now, now," cautioned The Hog. "Let's make it official first."

In time, the bosses arrived in The Hog's office. "Be proud, pissants," gloated The Hog. "You couldn't bear the thought of a Southern woman in your ranks. Now... you're under that Southern woman's power."

"Name your terms," said Gasper. None of the bosses looked like they would buck almost any The Hog demanded.

"First and foremost," The Hog laid down the law, "All of your businesses belong to the Traylor family forever. Non-relatives in your organizations work for me for the next six months. After that, they should know that quittin' still ain't a a good idea; this'll be the only game in town. You and the rest of your families have until Wednesday to get the Hell outta town. If any of you sumbitches are ever again found anywhere in the Northeast - which you would be - that sumbitch is goin' for a nice, long swim." The Hog held out here hand. "Kiss it if we've got a deal."

One after another, the bosses kissed The Hog's hand. Riko Dimiquen was last. "You too," ordered Gasper. Riko kissed it.

"Hope you hate this piece of hen shit as much as Ah do," suggested The Hog. "He started this war. It's his fault your businesses are mine now. On second thought, Dimiquen, come here tomorrow afternoon. Ah've got a surprise for you."

The Hog wore a maid's outfit, complete with classic hat, to work the next day. _So he wanted me to be a maid, did he?_

Riko was shocked to see what The Hog was dressed as. "You were spying on us?" he asked. The Hog nodded. "How?"

"Would it matter?"

"No."

"Then let's skip to the good shit." The Hog turned on a TV. Riko watched helplessly as his primary place of business was bulldozed.

The Hog saw that Riko's eyes were welling up. Taking some tear in her right index finger, The Hog licked it. "Mmm..."

"You beat me," whimpered Riko. "What more is there to prove? To any man alive?"

"Tell the truth," insisted The Hog. "If you won the war, you were gonna make me your maid. Ah'd have to do degradin' work for you until one of us was dead, right?"

Riko nodded.

"Ah'm just returnin' the favor. We Southerners don't forget our friends. Or enemies, as well. Shouldn't have made the second choice, Russian."

"Y-you've had your fun," Riko could barely speak through fear and tears. "J-just let me m-move a...way."

"Uh-uh," said The Hog. "You started this war. Ah think you deserve worse than humiliation." With that, she put Riko in The Hug.

"N-no," cried Riko before screaming in pain.

"You are one pathetic piece of shit," said The Hog with contempt. "Beggin' for mercy. You don't even deserve a good death. But Ah don't have the heart. You were right about one thing. Ah guess Ah _am_ a little soft." With that, she increased the pressure, driving Riko's ribs into his heart.

"Will that be all, sir?" The Hog asked in a mock maid voice to the corpse of Riko.


	11. Family Separation With a Hat Trick

**Batman's perspective**

Jason Todd had been training for some time. Batman believed him to be ready. And so, he was in a newly built suit that identified him as Robin.

"I don't know," said Batgirl. "Is it right to give him Dick's old crimefighter name?"

"Yes," said Batman with confidence. "When he left town, he said he wanted to walk away from this. I have the right to pass it on as a family heirloom. More importantly, little enough time has passed that the public won't be aware that Robin ever left, which is a good thing."

"I guess," said Batgirl, though not looking convinced.

"Enough formal shit," said the new Robin. "Let's go."

"Not so fast, young man" said Batman. "There will be no cussing."

"Why?" asked Jason.

"Because I'm the founder and leader of this team," said Batman firmly. "And because I said so."

"So whatever the Hell you say goes," said Robin.

Batman groaned. This wasn't starting off on the right foot. He saw Batgirl chuckling quietly and glared at her. Batgirl froze for a moment, then got on the Batcycle.

When the Batmobile, with Batman and Robin in it, passed a sign labeled, "Gotham City 5 (miles)," Batman figured that it was time to explain how The Dynamic Duo did business. "Some ground rules, Robin. We don't attack without just cause. Ever. And you don't attack at all without my say-so. I believe I've covered everything else over the last several weeks."

"Thinks for the tips, Captain Crime Cruncher," said Robin.

"Dick - although I can't imagine why - liked to use those kinds of puns as well," recalled Batman. It had taken some getting used to for him.

"Then it works out," noted Robin. "You want them to think I'm the same kid, right?" _He's right about that._

Batman noticed two men holding up a convenience store. "What doofuses," said Robin. "They'll get like twenty dollars because they don't even seem to realize that they keep the money in a safe."

"We've still got a job to do," Batman made it clear to Robin.

"OK, OK," said Robin defensively. "I'm not saying I won't help stop them. Just pointing something out."

"Here's what I have to point out," said Batman. "We wait on the roof. Jump them from behind as they leave the - Robin, stop!"

Too late. Robin charged to the store, breaking through the window. He hopped to his right just in time to avoid shots from two guns, then Bataranged the guns out of the men's hands. Robin assaulted one of the men with a flurry of kicks. Before Robin would have been double-teamed, Batman gripped the trapezius muscles on the opposite sides of the other thug for several seconds until he was unconscious.

Robin polished off his target with a hopping spin kick, then raised a hand to slap Batman five. But Batman was far from celebratory. "You disobeyed my orders," he shouted.

"It worked out," said Robin. "What's the problem?"

"You almost died. If they'd aimed a little more to the right... I told you to Batgrapple onto the damn roof. And judging from that..." he pointed to the broken window. "...this store would have been better off letting them make off with what little money was in the cash register."

"I thought we weren't supposed to cuss," said Robin. _This has not been a good first mission together._

**Jenny Hilliard's perspective:**

Jenny Hilliard was a new employee at Arkham Asylum whose duties included serving meals to the inmates. This was not a prison but a mental hospital, so they ate legitimate meals. She was now serving Jervis Tetch, AKA, The Mad Hatter. "He's four feet tall, so don't be shocked," she'd been told by a doctor. "Don't want offense to do away with all the progress he's made."

Jenny frowned. _Isn't this guy supposed to be dangerous? Four feet tall? How could he have been any trouble? If my husband were asked to "save" Gotham from him, he'd think Tetch wasn't worth it._

Jenny wheeled her cart into the cell and saw someone clad in a hat and sitting down. _Well, he did refuse to part with it and they eventually gave in to him. _ "OK," Mr. Tetch. "Pick out your dinner. Mr. Tetch, did you hear me?" She walked around the person to see a little boy who didn't seem to have taken notice of her.

"Escaped patient," screamed Jenny as she made a break for Arkham's lobby. She had come to realize how badly she had understimated Tetch.

**The Mad Hatter's perspective:**

It was too late. Jervis was being driven to Gotham by the brainwashed father, mother, and the big sister of the child taking his place. "Tourists are such nice people," said The Mad Hatter. "But be a little tougher than this to the man who took a year of my life away if that's not too much trouble."

**Bruce's perspective:**

Bruce was not a happy camper.

"I think I may have made a mistake with Jason," he said to Alfred.

"Why is that, Master Bruce?" asked a surprised Alfred.

"He's brash, impulsive, and has a big problem with following orders," said Bruce. "As many mistakes as he made, Dick took better care than this."

"Sounds like he's just being a boy to me," argued Alfred.

"I sure didn't act like this as a boy," said Bruce.

Alfred smiled.

"What?" asked Bruce.

"Come now, sir," said Alfred. "Don't you remember when you were sixteen? You thought you were ready to fight crime then."

"Oh, right," remembered Bruce, not liking where this was going.

"I told you that you only knew how to box and fence," Alfred continued. "That wasn't enough. I said there more for you to learn. We argued for awhile before flying to Asia, where you learned martial arts and meditation techniques to build self-discipline."

"And even after that," Bruce realized, "I still made a few mistakes."

"I remember dressing your wounds," said Alfred. "I think you should bear with Master Jason for awhile longer."

"All right," said Bruce. "Thank you, Alfred."

"Always there for you, sir," Alfred said.

**The Mad Hatter's perspective:**

The Hatter and his new slaves, father George, mother Lucille, and daughter Julianna were headed for the controls of an electronic billboard in Gotham. The words on this billboard could be changed by the console.

"The Mad Hatter and his servants say hello," said The Hatter to the the two technicians.

"How can we help you?" asked one technician.

"Wait," realized the other. "I recognize him. He's The Mad Hatter, an archcriminal I saw on the news last year."

Knowing he'd been exposed, The Mad Hatter whispered, "Put the hats on them right now," to George and Lucille.

"He's little - no offense, mister," said the other.

"Don't underestimate him," said the suspicious one. "He may be small, but he's dangerous. I'm calling security."

"Suit yourself," said the other. "I think you're being paranoid." This arguing had played into The Mad Hatter's hands, for George and Lucille had neared them and put the hats with The Hatter's mind control chips on the heads of the technicians just as the second technician was picking up his phone.

"Induce trance," commanded The Hatter. The technicians immediately froze. "Now, here's what I want the billboard to say."

**Batman's perspective:**

"How come I can't cuss?" asked Robin. "We only stalk criminals. We don't make statements to the press like Superman does."

"We just don't," said Batman.

"Nuh-uh," corrected Robin. "You're cussin' in your head all the time!"

"I do not," Batman lied.

"Sure you don't," said Robin playfully.

This was very, very frustrating. Dick had never had this much of an issue with following orders. On the other hand, Jason did have a certain instinct and consistency that Dick lacked. Jason might be viable as a long-term partner, however hard he was to love.

Eventually, they reached the roof of the GCPD. Batgirl had also answered the call. "What's the skinny, old timer?" asked Robin to Commissioner James Gordon.

"This is the Commissioner of Police," scolded Batman.

"That's right," said an even angrier Batgirl. After all, she was Gordon's daughter out of costume.

"Don't be so hard on him," said Gordon. "They're like that at that age."

"So I'm told," said Batman. _Two old people telling me the same thing. It must be true._

"Why, my daughter used to call Lieutenant Freeman 'dreamy' and Detective Bullock 'chubby,'" laughed Gordon.

"Oh, right," the tongue of an embarrassed Batgirl slipped. "I mean, right... I understand." Batman could tell that Batgirl had not always been this disciplined or versed in decorum, but also that she couldn't say that in front of Gordon.

"You've been challenged by a billboard in Gotham Plaza," said Gordon. "The billboard read, 'Batman, I have five slaves, including the family of the kid who took my place in Arkham. Bring Robin, no one else, to Gotham Park. Or those who would die for me will."

"You heard the man," said Batman. "Stick to street criminals tonight, Batgirl. No police either."

"Understood," said Gordon.

"Oh, no," objected Batgirl. "That last time you and... Robin tried to tackle an archcriminal without me, you needed help."

"Be reasonable," said Batman. "We can't put innocents at risk. And those who work for him are innocent, if unwillingly allied with him at the moment."

"Fine," said Batgirl reluctantly.

**The Mad Hatter's perspective:**

The Mad Hatter chuckled to himself. He saw the Batmobile racing towards Gotham Park. They were in for a little surprise. The Hatter was uncertain as to whether he wanted to enslave or kill The Dynamic Duo. They would be useful subordinates, but he really wanted revenge on the people who had humiliated him.

**Batman's perspective:**

"Why are we stopping?" asked Robin as Batman hit the brakes.

"The park wasn't designed for driving," explained Batman. "Especially a car this... didn't I already tell you this? No, this isn't worth an argument. We need to be on the same page. Be careful. The Hatter uses chips in hats that can control the minds of anyone who wears them."

"Fine," said Robin. "I'll be careful. Can't very well beat the He... tar out of 'im if I'm under his control."

Batman and Robin walked through the park, nightvision lenses activated. Eventually, they saw six people - four men, a woman, and a teenage girl - drinking tea at a table. One of the men was The Mad Hatter They were in costumes like those worn by actors working for amusement parks or sports teams. These costumes were of _Alice in Wonderland _characters.

"What a nerd," Robin quietly chuckled to Batman.

"What can I tell you?" Batman whispered. "He loves _Alice in Wonderland. _"Let's see if we can't surprise them."

As the two heroes neared the table, Batman put a hand on Robin's chest to stop him. "That ground looks funny," he whispered. Actually, it only looked funny to the untrained eye. Batman threw a Batarang at it. A gas bomb was triggered. Batman and Robin backed away from the gas while The Hatter and his slaves hopped over other gas bomb traps and moved around to face The Dynamic Duo.

"You're sharp," admitted The Hatter. "Get them!"

Batman escaped the grasp of the slaves who were now strengthened by the chips in their hats and began throwing Batarangs to knock off the hats.

"Where am I," all the slaves asked.

Batman turned to The Mad Hatter. Robin was wearing a top hat. _Oh, no._

"Attack," commanded The Hatter.

"As you wish, my master," said Robin, turning to The Hatter with a roundhouse kick that knocked him flat!

"Sleight of hand," Robin added, throwing the chip that he had secretly removed from the hat to The Hatter.

"Cleverly unorthodox strategy," Batman complimented Robin. He turned to The Hatter's victims "I'll make sure the police get you home. I do believe some of you have a son?" A man, woman, and girl nodded.

"The boy who The Hatter forced to take his place in Arkham," explained Batman, "Has reported his parents missing. I suggest you meet them."

**Toby's perspective:**

Toby's life had been ruined lately. He had lost his family. For a child, that was a heavy load to bear. But finally, he saw his parents and sister come through the door and cried with joy. They had a group hug.

"Sorry, Toby," joked sister Julianna. "You're not rid of me yet."

"You would be if not for The Batman and Robin," stated mother Lucille.

"Wait," said Toby to his father, George. "I thought you said they were maniacs."

"I'm not always right," admitted George.

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman and Robin watched the family be taken from GCPD HQ to wherever their car had been confiscated.

"So he's got his family back," Robin said of Toby. "Wish it could always end like this."

"I know," agreed Batman. Like Robin, he had lost his parents to people like The Mad Hatter. "I want you to know, Robin, that I don't entirely agree with how you do business, but it seems to get done. You did well tonight, and you're a worthy successor to the mantle of the Bird."

Batman held one hand up and another out. Robin slapped one and shook the other.


	12. The Princess and I

**The Joker's perspective**

The Elysian Fields are where most people want to be after they die. It is paradise. But for The Joker, it was a boring fate worse than Hell. Because he had been judged too insane to be accountable for his crimes, he was in the one place where there existed no negativity, no way to hurt others.

And to The Joker, that took all the joy out of the afterlife. However painful Tartarus would have been, he would have been able to inflict pain on others. The only happiness he got anymore was laughing at the irony of the fact that he wanted what others feared more than anything else, including death.

Then one day, The Clown Prince of Crime saw flames briefly materialize before transforming into man in a black suit of armor similar in form to the uniform of the former Roman Empire wore. _Some fun. Maybe. Better make the most of it._

"Who the Hell are you supposed to be?" asked The Joker with a smile. "_Lord of the Rings _or _Game of Thrones_?" He laughed at his own joke.

"Actually," said the man in black armor, "I do believe that I have appeared in much of your entertainment, mortal. "Ares, god of war."

"My kind of god," Joker complimented him. "The kind that causes beautiful destruction."

"Such as the destruction you wreaked upon yourself," Ares pointed out.

"If I gotta go," said The Joker. "Blowing myself up is my first option. Now what do you want from me?"

"I have been watching your rivalry with The Batman," explained Ares. "Very entertaining. More importantly, it reminds us that violent competition is the natural order. It is the one true way to settle the conflict between justice and injustice."

"Isn't it, though?" Joker agreed. "Unfortunately, I've lost that particular war and will be bored to permanent sleep. 'Cause I can't very well die now."

"It need not happen that way," said Ares. "Not yet. In fact, you may receive a chance for revenge."

The Joker did something he rarely did: frown. "What do you want?"

"For you to kill the Princess of the Amazons, Diana." Joker wasn't following, so Ares added, "You may better know her as Wonder Woman."

"Oh, yeah," The Joker began to remember. "That one. Sexy woman from some island of Amazons. Not that I'd ever say that in front of Harley."

"I never imagined you to be one of those weaklings who fear being without a woman," said Ares contemptuously.

"It's not that she'd leave me," corrected Joker. "She hasn't the guts. She might have the guts to shoot me in the head out of jealousy, but not to leave me!"

Ares now changed the subject back to Wonder Woman. "But while he fights crime the natural way - through war and the unspoken conquest of Gotham City - the Amazon Princess deals with crime not merely with war, but also _love_."

"I thought it was the lawful ladies she inspired with those women's rights speeches," said The Joker.

"She also speaks against war as she was taught to by my bitch sister, Aphrodite. She tries to turn the hearts of evil and conflicted men with the talk of peace, love, wisdom, and friendship. And she has made much progress in the many decades she has been in America. Already, men do not treat war as the first method to fighting tyranny as it should be. It will only be a generation or two before she has made man as naive and weak as her own gender."

The Joker realized that he was dealing with a misogynist, even if he was a god. Not that the murderous Joker was in any position to judge anyone, nor would he care to get into such a position. "How does that explain Poison Ivy?" he asked.

Ares smiled. "Now _she _has the model for advancing causes. Alas, she is only an exemplary exception. But I would much rather tell you my proposal to you than debate. I fear that the other gods would strip me of my divinity if I killed Diana myself. She may be supermortal, but she is mortal nonetheless."

"Or," The Joker taunted, "Since she has won battles against you, you can't beat that girl fair and square. That's where I..."

"Take that back," Ares immediately interrupted with anger. "Or I will leave you here in boredom."

"And I thought Batsy needed a sense of humor," complained Joker.

"You are to destroy her," said Ares. "A high amount of that Joker Venom of yours should be sufficient. She needs to breath like any other mortal, despite her divine strength. If you kill her, I will not be blamed, and her 'lessons,' at least in the eyes of men, will be tainted by her failure."

"They'll think her being a hippy chick's what got her killed?" asked The Joker.

"Exactly," said Ares.

"What's in it for me?" asked The Joker.

"Hades owes me two favors," explained Ares. "But only the first is free to you. I will bring you back to life. After you have slain Diana, you will have the gift of eternal life. Wait... yes, I believe your lady should be in on this with the same promise made to her." He drew his sword and it blasted fire at The Joker, who gasped as it hit.

The Joker was alive and with a plastic explosive just outside Harley Quinn's cell at Arkham Asylum. Blowing it open, he waited for Harley to walk outside and squeal with joy.

"Puddin'," cried Harley as she jumped into Joker's arms and kissed him. "You're alive. Alive!"

"W-well, yes," said The Joker. The thing he hated so much about Harley was how aggressively loving she was. Didn't she know that The Joker was supposed to be a madman incapable of love? And why did that identity feel a little less true when he was around Harley?

"Enough of your weak human emotions," Joker heard a voice behind himself and Harley. It was Ares, who stood beside a car that he had presumably summoned. "Drive to Washington DC," commanded Ares. "I will meet you there."

"Why can't you take us there?" asked The Joker.

"Can you escape by wheel?" asked Ares.

"Yeah," declared a determined Harley. The Joker nodded his agreement.

"Then you drive."

**Bruce's perspective:**

"Hear about that dude in black armor busting out The Joker and his girl," asked Lucius Fox to Bruce Wayne during a coffee break the next night.

"Yes," Bruce affirmed. "If you get any news, you'd have to have heard that."

"Good thing for us they left Gotham City for some reason," said Lucius.

"Yes," Bruce said. "Good thing for people like Bruce and Lucius." What Bruce neglected to say was that his alter-ego, Batman would feel compelled to follow The Joker. He had to.

But how had the Joker recovered? Bruce could believe that he could survive the explosion, but to be back in top form without months of rest? Bruce found that hard to swallow. Yet he had been witnessed. Somehow, it had to be true.

Upon returning to Wayne Manor, Bruce said to Barbara Gordon and Jason Todd, "My young comrades, I'm afraid I can't patrol with you tonight. Maybe not for many nights."

"You're following The Joker and Harley Quinn?" guessed Barbara.

"No choice," explained Bruce. "While Batman ordinarily only works Gotham, he hasn't been able to permanently deter The Joker and Quinn. Therefore, he feels a certain responsibility for whatever those lunatics do."

"I'm with you," said Jason.

"No," refused Batman. "You and Barbara have to hold down the fort in Gotham. Oh, and Barbara? You better be tough with him. He doesn't follow orders easily."

"Don't worry," said Barbara. "Every big sister has to deal with someone like this."

"Have you?" asked Bruce.

"Oh, yeah," said Barbara. "My brother, Jimmy, used to be a real bad kid. Mom and dad couldn't deal with him, so it fell to me."

"When did I get to be the bad guy?" asked Jason outrageously.

"Because you _are_ the bad guy," said Bruce and Barbara in unison.

"Anyway," said Bruce, "I'm flying to Washington. The graffiti The Joker left on the outer Arkham wall to the side of Quinn's cell said, 'B, meet me at DC. - J.' Gotham's in your capable hands."

"I'll tend to the young lad and lass as though they were my employer," promised Alfred, who was listening in.

"Thanks" said Barbara.

On the way down the stairs, Barbara and Jason caught up to Bruce again. "Bruce," Barbara called, "If you meet Wonder Woman there, tell her Batgirl said 'hi'."

"Me, too," said Jason.

"You don't have a shot at her," said Batman, knowing that like most males, Jason was attracted to the Amazing Amazon.

"Let him have his dream," said Barbara. "I had some hopeless crushes three or four years ago, too."

"Will do," Bruce granted their request.

The easy part was over. Locating The Joker and Quinn alone would prove much more difficult. To save time, he flew his Batjet to northern Virginia, a stone's throw away from Washington. He had packed himself a few changes of clothes and made a call to set up a welcoming committee for a motivational speech Bruce Wayne would give.

**Diana's perspective:**

As Diana, Princess of Amazons, Ambassador to America, and the legendary Wonder Woman, brushed her teeth, she saw another female face in her bathroom mirror.

"Great Athena," Diana bowed to the goddess of goddess of wisdom and the one of the patron gods of the Amazons that she respected the most. The others being Artemis, Aphrodite, and Ares, although Diana and Ares were now enemies.

"You have company on the way," warned Athena.

"Who may I ask is coming?" asked Diana.

Athena managed a smile. "My foolish brother, Ares, recognizes why you and I appreciate mortals. He has recruited one known as The Joker. He and his lover, Harley Quinn, possess a special intoxicant that could destroy you."

"Thank you for your warning, your brilliance," said Diana. "I will make sure this intoxicant doesn't do that."

"It is not so simple," said a skeptical Athena.

"Oh?"

"You have a friendly visitor coming. He is known by mortals as The Batman."

"Who is he?"

"I told you. He is The Batman."

"With all due respect, your brilliance... who is he?"

"I cannot tell you. He has done too many great things for me to violate his right to privacy."

"I see."

"I can see into your mind. You do not like him, but that matters not. I sense that you need his help."

Diana thought on this. _I knew very little of The Batman, other than that he is secretive and strikes at criminals from the shadows and without honor. The fact that he relies on fear and intimidation when compassion and positive persuasion are required likely belie a cowardly barbarism under that mask, though I can't be sure._

"I've always found a way to foil the god of war by myself in the past," insisted Diana.

"You are going down the wrong path."

"I will not accept the help of an honorless cur! I have been teaching man, with some success, to reject this sort of thinking all these years. How can I possibly validate it now?"

"If he does not help you," warned Athena, "it will mean tragedy. Farewell." The face of Athena vanished from Diana's mirror.

_I think I'll confront this Batman when he arrives._

**Batgirl's perspective:**

"How come we're taking out small-time drug dealers?" asked Robin for the fourth time of the night as the Batmobile drove towards a crack house.

"Because no crime is too small for us," Batgirl explained again.

"OK," said Jason, "But I don't like it."

"Who's asking?" asked Batgirl. "Bruce put me in charge. Look, the mob unions are gone. The Traylors have replaced them. That means that every little gang has to kick regular payments back to them. If we squeeze enough gang leaders, one might give us what we need to bust the last big mob once and for all!"

They jumped through the windows and started assaulting gangsters. Though the enemy had guns, it is difficult to use one effectively in a dimly lit crack house. Throw in that almost none of the criminals were skilled in hand-to-hand combat and Batgirl and Robin were almost on easy street.

But the "Almost" was important. All that were left to fight were the boss and one six foot eight, three hundred plus-pound man in a tanktop who walked as if he was a modestly skilled combatant.

"Stubb," commanded the boss in fear. "Kill!"

"Yer da boss, Jackie," said Stubb. Batgirl and Robin both delivered flying kicks that barely budged Stubb. He began choking both masked heroes. A few knees under the chin from both Batgirl and Robin loosened the grip on their necks enough for them to slip free.

"You're doin' da dishes," declared Stubb. "I don't like pastin' kids an' pretty girls... but I will if you won't pay fer the trouble you've caused us."

"A frontal assault won't work," Batgirl whispered to Robin. "Keep out of his reach. Try provoking him. He might just get tired."

"Gotcha, boss lady," said Robin. Batgirl and Robin each dodged some blows, all the while constantly but slowly moving away from Stubb in different directions from each other.

Batgirl noticed that Stubb was breathing more heavily, but it was Robin who capitalized first by taunting, "Hey, Stubb, where'd Jackie find you? Cleaning toilets so you could spend the rest of your life doing the boring work nobody with a career wants to do?"

"It's a trick," warned Jackie. "Keep your cool."

"You know I'm right," yelled Robin. "Toilet scrubber."

Stubb screamed and ran at Robin. Stubb was even foolish enough to chase the smaller, more mobile Robin onto tables.

After a few minutes, Batgirl decided she should cut in to give Robin a break. "But that's not why you're here is it? You don't have a chance with pretty girls like me. Because we like both brains and brawn. But some will settle for a 'cool' gangster, right, jock?"

Now it was Batgirl's turn to play the mouse to Stubb's cat. _That's right, moron. Waste the energy in that big bod._

After running for a bit, she noticed that Stubb, finally tired of running, had almost slipped and fell. "Attack," commanded Batgirl as she delivered a jump kick. This time, Stubb staggered back several steps, and Robin knocked him out from behind with a chair.

"A bit much, don't you think?" asked Batgirl.

"He can take it," said Robin. But Batgirl wasn't sure; Stubb had a bloody head.

"First," said Batgirl to Jackie, "You're gonna call an ambulance for Stubb. Then we're talking." After Jackie had made the call, Batgirl said, "What do you know about the Traylors?"

"I'd rather take my chances with you than them," Jackie refused.

"Let's test that," said Batgirl. She and Robin dragged Jackie up to the roof.

"You're tryin' to scare me," chuckled Jackie, "But I'm told you don't kill nobody."

"Wanna bet?" asked Robin as he kicked Jackie off the crack house, sending him down to the sidewalk below.

"What have you done?" screamed Batgirl in shock and horror.

"Making sure he knew we meant..."

"Shut up," Batgirl wasn't having it. "We've gotta take care of him. If he doesn't live, you're in biiiig trouble." _Damn you, Bruce! You fire Dick and this is who you leave me with?_

Dropping down to the ground, Batgirl checked Jackie's pulse. It was slower but steady. He would only need some traction.

"See?" Robin seemed to read Batgirl's face. "He'll be OK."

"That was still way out of line," scolded Batgirl. "He came too close to death. Don't ever do this again."

"I won't," Robin said as he walked back to the Batmobile. Batgirl moved in front of him.

"You think you don't to have to listen to me or Batman?" asked Batgirl. "For all of Dick's mistakes, he listened. More importantly, he never stepped past the line."

"And if I weren't listening?" asked Robin, "What are you gonna do about it?"

Batgirl smiled. "I think you have the wrong impression of me." Sometimes when little Jimmy acted up, there was only one way and one person to stop him. Once again, Batgirl locked the littler kid's head in her right arm and gave him noogies.

"That's not fair," Robin groaned in pain.

"I warned you," said Batgirl. "We're a family of a sort. 'Dads' like Batman have to take a lot of crap from bratty little kids like you. But not siblings. We can fight back. Do we understand each other?"

"I'm sorry," Robin said through gritted teeth. The noogies got rougher. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"This time you mean it," acknowledged Batgirl. "I think you've learned your lesson. Let's go." _Bad kids. You just have to know how to handle them._

**The Joker's perspective:**

The Joker was sitting in the chair of the leader of the Wild Pitchers (a name that referred to their tempers and skill with guns as well as baseball). His feet rested on the desk as Harley gave him a body massage.

Finally, the boss, Jakon, entered in surprise. "Who the Hell are you?" he asked as he walked towards the desk.

"Would you believe..." The Joker paused for effect. "...Friends. Me, neither." With that, he crushed a gas pellet on the desk. Jakon began laughing.

"If you're wonderin' how come we ain't affected, we're immune," said Harley. She pretended to cry, "But you ain't." Before long, Jakon had literally died smiling.

The Joker and Harley Quinn took the body outside. "See how easy it was fer us to wax the boss?" asked Harley. "You better accept Mistah J as the new boss or..."

Bickering of "I never liked him anyway" and "Pussy" began between the gangsters.

The Joker decided he'd settle this. He pulled up his shirt to reveal a bomb. "Who wants to die?" he asked.

"N-not me," said one thug.

"Yer in charge, I guess... boss," said another.

"Good," said The Joker. "I really didn't want to blow myself up a second time." He and Harley laughed. Soon enough, their new goons joined in the laughter, not realizing that no joke had been told.

_Loyalty has been scared into them! Beware, Wonder Woman! You too, Batsy._

**Batman's perspective:**

_Two days after The Joker challenges me to meet him in Washington, an alleged gang vacates its base of operation. Too much of a coincidence._

Batman was investigating the place He about finished with his first room when he heard a female voice declare, "You're a long way from home, Dark Knight."

There were few could successfully shadow Batman without his knowledge. He turned around. No one was there. "Up," suggested the woman. Batman looked up to see the woman floating horizontally just under the ceiling. _No wonder._

The woman descended to the ground. "Wonder Woman, I presume?" asked Batman.

"You presume correctly," said Wonder Woman.

"How long have you been following me?" asked Batman.

"Long enough to realize that you are what I hoped you weren't," frowned the Amazon. "And no, I don't like you."

"Tell someone who cares," said Batman. "But what has driven your disrespect of me?"

"I saw you ambush a group of ruffians from above like a coward before coming here," said Wonder Woman. "Then I see you sneaking around here with clearly no intention of sharing any information if asked by the authorities. How anyone considers you to be one of the good guys is beyond me."

"They're the smart ways of going about this," said Batman. Now Wonder Woman was seething, hands on hips. Suddenly, Batman was concerned. It looked like Wonder Woman was ready to attack. Batman wasn't prepared to battle a super-powered opponent. To say he was in trouble would have been an understatement.

Wonder Woman's frown became a smile as she taunted, "You're scared, Batman. And all I had to do was look scary. And I haven't even gotten into how you answer to no one."

"I am not afraid of you," said Batman, though he wasn't so sure of that.

"First cowardice," groaned Wonder Woman, "Then too much secrecy by half, then excuses, and now dishonesty. Don't deny. I've been dealing with man since your grandparents were children. I can see the intent to lie on even a poker face."

"Is there no way I can be tested?" asked Batman.

"You had your test," said Wonder Woman. "And you failed. Go home, Batman. You don't belong here."

"What makes you think you're keeping me out of this town?" asked Batman.

"I was hoping you'd say that," smiled Wonder Woman, playfully.

Suddenly, Batman's mask and cape were off. Wonder Woman held the mask in her hands with the cape still attached. "Telekineses or teleportation?" asked a curious Batman.

"Super-speed, Mr. Wayne," explained Wonder Woman. "And this piece of information reveals to me that you are a womanizer for no better reason than to improve your disguise. That is most offensive to me."

"I take care of them," said the unmasked Batman.

"I knew you'd say that," said Wonder Woman. "You wealthy men are all alike. You think you can buy our dignity like you buy everything else. But some things should not be for sale."

"I think you live in a black-and-white world," suggested Batman.

"Enough debate," said Wonder Woman, throwing him his cape and mask back. "If I ever see or hear of you in my town again, I'll tell the press who you really are!"

"You do that," Batman tried, "I'll be found dead in bed one morning."

"So run back to Gotham like the coward that you are," suggested Wonder Woman. "That desperate cesspool of crime will tolerate your faults to a degree that the rest of this country, much less my paradise of a homeland, never will!" She flew away.

Putting his mask and cape back on, Batman thought. He had to admit that some of those things Wonder Woman had accused him of were true. It was not as though his motives were the most pure in the world. It was to get justice for the murders of his own parents, not crimes against all.

But Batman was not a coward. To prove it, he would continue as though he had never heard of Wonder Woman. And if she carried out her threat, Bruce Wayne would just have to learn to sleep with his eyes open.

**The Joker's perspective:**

"All work and no play make The Joker a joke," suggested Harley with a hungry smile. The Joker returned it. Then a familiar flaming sound was heard to their side.

"I see I am interrupting something," Ares said with a grin after materializing.

"No apology?" asked The Joker. Ares choked him. Bones immediately cracked.

"I never apologize to inferior mortals," said Ares.

"Me, neither," said Harley kicking Ares underneath the chin, only to hurt her right foot trying.

"Attack the National Mall tomorrow night," said Ares, releasing Joker, who now gasped for breath. "Draw our enemies out."

"Is that plural?" asked The Joker.

"Yes," said Ares. "The Batman is in Washington. I am not without respect for his combat prowess, although his weakness of mercy, he could do without. But the moment he gets in my way, he is mine!"

**Batman's perspective:**

Because Washington, DC was small for one of the capital cities, pulling off a big crime without alerting others wasn't the easiest thing to do. But Batman suspected that the explosions in the National Mall were specifically designed to draw him and/or Wonder Woman out, particularly since it seemed that only those that the ignorant would consider minor exhibits had been damaged so far. The biggest pieces of history, such as the statue of Abraham Lincoln, remained intact, to be saved in case Washington's defenders didn't take the bait.

Batman saw that the military-grade weapons used by whoever had taken the National Mall hostage had driven the police into retreat. It would take too long for a SWAT team to arrive. He Batgrappled up to a windowsill, used his protective cape to deflect machine gunfire, and punched out the gunman. He punched out more men as he ran towards the castle.

Batman noticed Wonder Woman deflecting bullets with her bracelets in the Smithsonian. Seeing an opening, she swamped over half a dozen men. But an opportunistic Harley Quinn launched a bazooka shell at her left arm, launching her a distance away and bloodying the arm.

"Happy endin'," gloated Harley as she took aim at the head of a stunned Wonder Woman. "We get away with this an' you get to be a women's rights martyr!" But Harley had wasted too much time taunting. Batman roped the bazooka, pulled it free of Harley's grasp, and dispatched her with a jab-jab-cross-roundhouse kick combination.

**Wonder Woman's perspective:**

_What an embarrassment! Rescued and by the devious coward in a Halloween costume. I guess I should let this night pass without exposing him. I do owe him whether I like it or not._

Wonder Woman found herself looking upwards - and a good thing, too! Ares had teleported above her with the intent of splitting her head with his sword. Wonder Woman raised her good arm just in time to block the sword with her bracelet. But with one arm struggling against two, Wonder Woman was quickly forced into a sitting position. She kicked at a man's weakest spot, but Ares' legs were closed and the boot could not get through them.

"It is over," declared Ares. "Now you know after so many years that society is driven by warriors, not 'peacemakers.'"

_No! It can't end like this. I've got to believe I can win. Even with a disabled arm._ Force of will drove Wonder Woman in the next moment. She stood up and drove Ares' sword into his nose and chin, badly cutting both and forcing him to drop the sword and take three steps back. He reached for the sword, but Wonder Woman had recovered and held it to the ground with her right foot. Turning on that foot, she did a side kick that launched Ares into what remained of The Joker's men, knocking them out.

Wonder Woman heard Batman coming and said, "When this is over, I still don't want to see you here again."

"Just want what I came here for," said Batman.

Ares and The Joker were also standing side-by-side.

"Sending a mass murderer to my city just to get the upper hand?" asked Wonder Woman contemptuously. "This is foul, even for you!"

"Predators are a part of the natural world," said Ares.

"Humans and gods squaring off," said The Joker. "Two good, two hilarious. George R. R. Martin couldn't have written this fantasy epic better!"

"Only you could reduce murder to a novel," said Batman.

The Joker forced Batman to take cover by firing an assault rifle at him, then fired it upon Wonder Woman. _Good shooting, Joker! I actually have to try to block these._

**Batman's perspective:**

Batman ran after Wonder Woman as she pursued The Joker when Ares materialized in front of him. _Oh, Great!_

"Out of the way," said Batman.

"And if I do not mortal," challenged Ares, "What are you going to do about it?" The implication: Batman could not hurt him. For the moment, that was true, but with some sleight of hand worthy of Houdini, Batman managed to stab Ares in the eyes with Batarangs. This didn't hurt him, but it did momentarily blind and stun him.

Batman fled out of National Mall and used the control he had for the Batjet in his belt and concealed it with his cape. Before long, Ares teleported into his direction. The Batjet still wasn't there. Perhaps if Batman kept Ares talking...

"Why are determined to kill me?" asked Batman. "I don't exactly live a life of peace."

"Actually," said Ares, "I would prefer not to kill you. But there are consequences for mortals who dare contend with the god of war!"

_Still no Batjet. _"What about Wonder Woman?" asked Batman. "She is certainly self-righteous, but she's a good person, all in all."

"Yes," admitted Ares, "But one who does understand this universe. She believes that there are better things than war and combat, that if people learned to live in peace and harmony, most of the world's problems would go away."

"And that is your problem with her?" Batman asked in disbelief.

"Is competition not what brings out the best in people?" smiled Ares.

"Killing contests as competition," Batman tried to make sense of Ares' point of view. "I think I may have found someone even more insane than The Joker!"

"Do not compare me to any mortal," boomed Ares.

_Made him mad. A mistake. Wait! The Batjet's nearly over him. About time!_ Batman began backing away.

Ares drew the sword that he had apparently gotten back after dropping it. "You are going nowhere," he said. The sword inflamed.

"Maybe not," Batman referred to the damage that was about to be done to the Batjet. "But neither are you!" He pushed a button on his concealed controller to cut the Batjet's engine. It fell from the clouds onto Ares! It would need repairs to fly again, but it may have saved The Dark Knight.

Out from under the Batjet crawled Ares, moaning in pain. "Don't," warned Batman. "You're weak enough for the weapons in the Batjet to finish you."

"Savor your victory over your far-superior," Ares smiled and pounded his chest respectfully. "But I have not failed. I sense that Princess Diana is dying, courtesy of your old 'friend.'" Ares teleported.

Batman ran back into National Mall. If The Joker really had also proved that it's not just about power, Batman had to hurry!

**Wonder Woman's perspective:**

The Joker had backed into Smithsonian's gift shop, where he could use aisles to ambush Wonder Woman from behind or the side. _Batman's type, all right; sneaky and squeamish._

Wonder Woman entered the gift shop. No Joker, but the only way he could have escaped was the way the Amazon Princess came in. She concentrated, hoping to maximize her enhanced senses to prevent the surprise attack that was coming.

A minute and twenty-nine seconds of searching passed before Wonder Woman heard a step to her left. She turned just in time to block a spray of bullets with the bracelet of her good arm. Soon enough, the machine pistol clicked. Lifting The Joker up by his suit coat, Wonder Woman declared, "It's over."

"Don't you 'heroes...'" The Joker paused to give Wonder Woman a raspberry. "...Say, 'It's not over until it's over?"

"The lady with weight issues," the sensitive Wonder Woman retorted, "Just started singing." She prepared to give Joker a light but knockout headbutt when he squeezed his suit flower, launching gas at The Amazing Amazon. She coughed, then began laughing before falling as pain and dizziness came over her.

"She finished her act with a gasser," Joker declared victory. "You might have withstood the poison, Princess of badass chicks, but that's moot since you're as capable of laughing yourself to death as anybody!" He laughed hysterically on that note.

_So this was Ares' plan all along. But he's not winning. Hera, Aphrodite, Athena, Artemis, if I ever needed you, I need you now! _She gritted her teeth and concentrated. As she did, her laughter slowly died down. While still poisoned, her superhuman constitution would save as long as she maintained self-control. She stood.

The Joker hopped backwards, drew a pistol and shot. Diana blocked just in time to stop the bullet and, although she always tried to avoid ricocheting shots into anyone else, she was too weak from the gas to block with finesse. Instead, the flat of the bullet struck Joker in the gut, causing him to fall in pain, dropping the gun on the way down. Wonder Woman kicked it away.

"Not that this isn't every man's fantasy," The Joker maintained his sense of humor in defeat, but you got me, gorgeous! You won't tell Harley I said that, will you? I have to live with her in Arkham."

"Not anymore, you don't," said Wonder Woman to a look of confusion. "I've battled mythical beasts, divine beings, and practitioners in magic. I sometimes killed them. I've never killed a non-magical human before, but you seem as much of a threat to society as any of them. Why, Joker, I don't think anyone's ever seen that look on your face. Is it fear?"

"T-this isn't how it works," insisted The Joker. "I have some fun, kill some people, and some costumed hero puts me away for awhile."

"I appreciate your honesty," said Wonder Woman. "Your confirmation that you consider human lives to be toys makes this a lot easier. Don't be afraid. I'm no barbarian. You will feel nothing. Close your eyes and you won't even know what hit you."

"Batman! Batman!" called Joker.

"Shut up, Joker," sneered Wonder Woman, lifting a leg up to cave in The Joker's skull. "You've preyed on the weak for years. What goes around, comes around!"

But a rope twirled around the stomping foot and slammed her through a glass window. Breaking the rope and flying back through the window, Wonder Woman saw that her new attacker was Batman. "I can't let you kill him," declared Batman. "Leave him for the police."

Wonder Woman was in shock. How could Batman, of all people object to The Joker's execution. "You know this is justice," said Wonder Woman. "With all your ethical compromises, how can you object?"

"Because this is the one line I won't cross," said Batman. "Maybe... the one thing that keeps my conscience clear." Wonder Woman eyed him. Perhaps he wasn't just a cynical cad after all.

"Say," Wonder Woman tested Batman, "Where's Ares."

"I took care of him," said Batman.

"You've settled this argument in my favor," scoffed Wonder Woman, "But just to make sure..." she roped Batman. "This Lasso of Truth will compel you. Did you defeat Ares?"

"Yes," said Batman. _He actually did it!_

"Perhaps I've misjudged you," Wonder Woman had to admit. "Fine. He lives. Let's hope for the sake of your city that you haven't made a mistake."

"Thanks for the save," The Joker taunted Batman.

"You're not welcome," Batman responded in kind.

**Batman's perspective:**

"Batman," Wonder Woman said uneasily as the two heroes watched The Joker, Harley Quinn, and their men get arrested, "I'm sorry I thought you were a sneaky coward. It seems that you simply have different means to the same end that I strive for. The fact is, it takes great courage and character to confront an Amazon who you think is wrong."

"Apology accepted," said Batman.

"Also," said Wonder Woman, "I believe you saved my life back there."

"And knowing you," reasoned Batman, "You want to repay the debt." Wonder Woman nodded. "My Batjet won't fly anymore. Could you fly me home?"

"Absolutely," said Wonder Woman.

"You should stay for a few hours," suggested Batman. "I suspect that my partners, Batgirl and Robin, would love to meet you."

"I might just do that," Wonder Woman smiled at Batman for the first time. "First, here's some advice. I'm more used to giving it to abused women, but stop having feelings for criminals. It won't end well."

"I never..." Batman broke off in mid-sentence, then continued, "...OK, I'm attracted to two criminals, and struggle to resist the botanical charms of another. Happy?"

"Very," Wonder Woman untied her Lasso of Truth from Batman's ankle. "How'd that get there?"

"After all your judgments," said Batman with anger "You tricked me?"

"You'd have never thought rationally about it if I hadn't," said Wonder Woman. _She's got me there. This is, in fact, a constant lapse in my judgment that I haven't allowed myself to grasp. _Batman nodded.

"Time was, I'd have saved you from those ladies of evil," beamed Wonder Woman.

"I know," said Batman. "You took numerous lovers during World War II and the Cold War but got tired of men when the Berlin Wall fell."

"There's more to it," said Wonder Woman. "Men are stubborn creatures. They wouldn't hear that they shouldn't interfere in my battles against the supernatural. I couldn't do that to anymore males. I'm wreaked with guilt as it is."

"Good choice," said the always stoic Batman.

Wonder Woman seemed to not appreciate Batman's cold remark, but said simply, "Get in your plane. I'll fly you home."

**This is the end of this fanfic. But the story will continue in a third part. Check out my profile in a week or to for that. Peace!**


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